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FTM I Am a Gay-male Identified Biologically-born Female

I am a gay-male identified biologically-born female, a gay man trapped in a woman's body. I am sweet, funny, romantic, and caring. I'm romantically, erotically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually attracted to gay men and gay-male culture. I have no desire whatsoever to turn a gay man straight, but rather I want to be seen and considered as another gay man in every way. I have always been this way, but it has taken me a long time to figure it out. I believe and hope and pray that there are people who can accept me for who I truly am inside. It’s not just about sex—I want the whole package, complete acceptance of the individual I am inside this physical shell.


I would like to meet people who share my identity as well as anyone who wants to be my friend. I would also like to find a boyfriend eventually: a gay or bisexual man who can overlook my female physicality and see me as his guy. A gay/bi man who is smart, funny, usually dominant, occasionally submissive. A man who is a great kisser, into hugging, cuddling, and romance. A man who will love me and consider me his boi.

RomanticRunner RomanticRunner 46-50, T 41 Responses Oct 5, 2009

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Also share the same identity....

Hello. I am very pleased to read your story. Would very much like to become a friend. I am a gay man and am not contacting you just out of curiosity. Hope We can correspond. Bobby

i'm 17 and a girl but i identify more with male body parts not the ones i have, i don't mind some of the ones i have, but i almost want that to hate the parts i have so i can know if i want to be a girl or a guy, and i like men so if i where to become a guy i would be gay, i have no interest in women, i'm a little frightened of my thoughts my family is supper Christian so i know that they would never understand i wish i could have someone to talk to, to ask questions

I'm born a female but I'm always attracted to gay men, especially since puberty. I also enjoy gay materials and seeing beautiful gay couples. I don't feel like matching with my female body, I don't act feminine, I don't like wearing shorts, skirts, dress, I just like wearing tight long jeans and T-shirts. I sometimes like to be referred to as "he" and be treated as a guy. I'm now in my 20s and I've known that I'm a trans-gay for about 3-4 years. I haven't had a boyfriend and I hope someday I'll find one that loves and treat me for who I really am. I live in an South-east Asian country where people's knowledge and understanding about LBGT are still poor and they still assume males should be this and females should be that. And straight guys tend to date feminine girls rather than a masculine-personality one.

I'm somewhat similar. But I'm male and identify as a female homosexual. I have no desire to go trans or even so much as be outwardly female. I simply see myself as myself and have an issue where I literally only see lesbians as pretty/beautiful. Kinda sucks when the only women I am attracted to are not interested in the slightest. >.

I love you all, and feel the part of the group :) I belong. That is the feeling :)

I'm biologically female, in my late 30s. Married over five years to a man, but never felt quite right about sex. I have also never been quite comfortable as a woman, and remember when I was younger occasionally asking others to call me by a shortened version of my name, which could be interchanged for a male easily.

In recent times I've become more and more confused by my attraction to gay men. I've found myself wishing I myself was male - not to be with a woman, but to be with a gay man. I've never verbalised this to anyone before. I don't know that I'll ever do anything about it. I love my husband, and am committed to my marriage, even if its not what I would ideally like it to be.

I am so happy to stumble upon this article. I have always felt like something is up with my sexuality but when I was 14 I thought I was bisexual because I was suddenly physically attracted to females, but by the time I was 15 years old, I had figured out...although still a virgin, that I am sexually attracted to males. I was in my school's first LGBT & Straight supporters group, and I was always asked if I were bi or straight or lesbian. I always found a certain type of male more attractive: Soft features, soft eyes, long or luxuriant hair. Any ways let's fast forward: I have had a lot of ex or potential ex boyfriends that either later identified or while I was with them identified themselves as Bi or Gay, or had "straight" guys with something that was very prominently feminine about them. My mom has teasingly called me "son" since I was a teen due to my misses "fix" it- attitude , my loathe of shopping like a girl, how she has to use to me as her interpreter to get a point across when dealing with men who don't understand her explanations, and other minor things. Lately I have realized that I am most definitely attracted to femininity in both men and women but although I am physically/emotionally attracted to females, sexually I am turned off. I have teasingly taken "are you a male" pop quizzes with 4/5 saying Yes. This morning, it all just hit me as not being a joke anymore amongst me and my gay male friends. I really am a GAY male in a woman's body, as it seemed even when my ex-bfs after identifying as gay still have some kind of attraction to me, and my gay bestie says I sell myself short trying to "femme" up for the guys I date. I realized I want to be both the Man and the woman for the guy I'll love, and I want him to be both. As far as changing my gender, I have always had penis envy feeling like whenever I am on the "horn", I should have been born with a penis however I want to be the one birthing my children and responding to "Mommy, look!". Anyways, I am so glad to know I am not alone. Thank you so much for this post, friends.

I am 30 and felt so happy that I found all these stories, especially this one! And I feel as part of the group!. :)

Since now, being attracted to gays or bisexuals was a problem for me, not even coming close to who I actually am. Because, you need to be sure who you are and he has to be sure of who he is, ..

And i so I want to be a man and a woman, for my man (and his feminine energy within). And that is so hard, because it is a touchy subject. non the less, I feel a whole lot better now that I am not alone in all this feelings :)

I am also attracted to similar or equivalent energy as mine (the way WystanAuden mentions earlier), it is funny, I think that if I were a guy, i would look more or less like the guys I am attracted to.

Non the less, I am glad i am here :)

"it is funny, I think that if I were a guy, i would look more or less like the guys I am attracted to. " It is funny that you say that because I too emulate the same men I am attracted to, their style... It is nice someone else confessed that! :D

Also, I need to add, I want a guy who is NOT a) a confused boy b) a confused man c) gay that is not out yet d) a pervert. .. And I need that guy to like me for being what I am, and vice versa. I do not want to be only "interesting". .. I am looking forward to my guy :)

You just talked straight to my soul, dude! I know you're a tad older than me but we're both in the exact same position! I'm currently BESOTTED with a gay friend of mine but he's proud and ... well, a tad shallow if I'm perfectly honest so I don't know whether I should tell him or not.

Trust me, I feel your pain. I see that was written some time ago. I hope you have someone :)

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have been struggling with if I am trans* in any sense of the word and who I really am. I thought I was alone or weird because of how I felt and so thank you so very much for sharing with the world.

I am not sure who I am yet, nor how to define myself, other than I find gay men quite attractive and am often uncomfortable with my current body. hank you so much for helping me feel more accepted, because if there are people like you out there; strong, open, understanding and unafraid, I have hope.

Hello, RomanticRunner - - thank you for posting your story! This is me too. Most of the men I've ever really wanted or loved have been gay. It helps me a lot to know there are other women like me.<br />
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I can't make up my mind if this is really a biological problem or a sociological one for me. When I'm attracted to someone, it's generally because of similarity and equivalence. I like the men I like because I feel like we are alike, mentally, emotionally and physically (same height, similar body mass, etc.). <br />
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I haven't generally found this to be the case with most straight men who are attracted to me. They like me for my differences and they want me to play them up. Even if they are okay with us being the same height or close to the same size or strength, it's not something that turns them on. The only men I've ever known who look at me and see someone like themselves have been gay.<br />
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I know things are not always equal in m/m relationships by a long chalk, but in general, the connection seems more egalitarian to me than in m/f relationships (at least with the type of gay men I am attracted to). The roles are less rigid - both men are allowed to just be people. It's okay to be frank and to find humor in sexual situations and it's okay for both partners to be aggressive with each other without somebody having to take a passive role. I've tried behaving this way with straight men and they usually decide I want to dominate them. Either they go all passive on me or they get upset and feel like I am trying to emasculate them. <br />
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If there were simply more straight men who wanted partners more like themselves, everything might be okay for me. I might not have to feel like I have the #1 worst sexual preference in the world - - worse, one that engenders almost no sympathy. We are the fruit flies and the *** hags - seen as generous friends, pets, mascots or sad, sorry jokes but never as the tragic outsiders we often are, looking on hungrily while everyone one else takes a seat at the table and chows down.<br />
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Like you, I have no intention of transitioning -- I like my body the way it is - it's been good to me -- but if I could go back in time and be born again as a boy, I would do it in a heartbeat.<br />
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I wish you the best of luck in finding someone you can be happy with. I wish all of us, all the women who have posted here, some giant revolution in the sexual psychology of straight men. Maybe I'm the only one here who feels like that could fix this problem for me. No matter what, it couldn't hurt.

I see you've posted this for a while. But I still want to reply since I feel close to you.

Well, I'm not really sure about my sexuality yet. And I might be oriented more in asexuality. Let's just concentrate on the equality role you talked about. I feel also uncomfortable with the way gender role is being looked at. For example how a girl and a guy treat, talk to each other.

I want, or rather I like equal relashionships. But there are things that makes me uncomfortable as a girl. A girl doesn't have a penis. And in a relashionship, if she goes all the way, she takes it up her p***y. Well she can use toys or something. But it still feels different somehow.

I feel bad for having a weaker build. Even if I'm tall and has a more boyish look, I still have female features. When I went to practice martial arts, I realize there are differences in male and female. How they are more rough than me, how they learn to punch and stuffs faster... Standing next to a bigger man, I feel weaker (propably because of the phisique), and this is not a positive feeling to me. I'd like to be strong. Well, it's not like if I'm a man, I would be the strongest. It's just. Well, since I'm a girl, when I see that, I though about my body construction. Latly when I notice that my wrist is smaller, my hand is not so big, my face does look feminine in some parts, the chirpy sound my voice makes, all theses things bothers me. Well, I like to dominate more (and I mean me doing the penetration, if there is one), but I'm fine with reversing the role too, or so I thought. The idea of a girl always having to be on the receiving end scared the heck out of me. These whole sexual indentity has been kind of rough on me. I have, kind of, twisted issues and stuffs.

Still like you, I don't think I'm gonna go for a transition. I kind of respect nature, stuffs like that.

There are a few points that made me wonder. You don't have to answer if you don't like. When you say you dominate your straight male partner, do you feel fine to still be on the receiving end all the time? Or do your guy like to take it up the ***? Are you angered when you feel weaker in strength? How do you feel in your female body?

Anyways thank you for posting this because you made me feel at ease now that I found people resembling myself. I think it happens to lots of people too, feeling alone, like a freak, wierd, confused about themselves in the society because of somethings like these. :)

I relate to every single point you make. I was nodding along to every sentence and completely feel the way you do. Thanks for being so eloquent and helping me put my thoughts and needs into words. The world is just so unfair. I really, really wish I were born a man. My life would be much less depressing and I would be much healthier.

This is me. So me. My whole life. I have been looking forever for someone to identify with this. I hope you are still around.

Ur a cool flippin person and Id love to be your friend :) I think it is possible for you to find someone u deserve

I’ve always been a shy kid whose worst enemy is myself. If there was anyone I didn’t know less about or was more afraid of it was myself. The beginning of my senior year changed me. I started to question my sexuality, something that I had never done before even though I’m a curious person by nature. I had never even thought to question my identity even though I’ve never felt comfortable in my gender. It was just not something I was used to. I had only ever heard the word transgender in movies and very few at that. It wasn’t something I had knowledge on. So when questioning my sexuality I thought there was something odd about me. I wasn’t interested in the normal relationships for girls and what all that included. I was more interested and more knowledge in gay relationships. So I researched sexualities and came across the term asexual. At the time I thought well that has to be me it’s the only thing that made since to me at the time. Well I thought nothing of it for the rest of the year. It wasn’t until this summer and the end of my high school life that I went back a questioned myself again. I had read several fanfictions about gay ftms. Well naturally I looked up ftm not knowing what it meant. I researched ftm and transgender. Right now I’m slowly coming to terms that I am a gay ftm. Some part inside of me has always known it but as I said I’m my own worst enemy and other parts of me are scared to admit that it’s true. For most my life I was scared that I was abnormal and a freak because I was uneducated. Your story has really enlightened me. I also hope to find friends like me and a nice guy to share my life with.

That's awesome. I like ur story and hope to be friends with u. Have u read my stories yet? I'm more confused about my sexuality than my identity but I really would like to meet people who are like u too.

hey I'm in the exact same situation as you! Not kidding! I'm ALL of the things you said. But the only thing is that I'm 12... But other than that. We have the same requirements for guys. Which is extremely cool! We could be great friends!

I met this person once. When I met him, he was a she. I liked her. I had feelings for her. She was beautiful. Now, the connections been made by him that he needs to be a man. He was biologically born as a woman, and needs to change. But he also is gay. <br />
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After pondering it for days, I thought about it. (ALLL of it.) <br />
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I'm already in a happy commited straight relationship, but if I weren't? <br />
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I'd be gay for him. He'd be my boy. And I STILL think he's beautiful. <br />
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I don't know him enough to tell him I love him, but I could easily get there if it happened. <br />
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I'd do anything for him. Even the naughty stuff. <br />
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And I'm completely straight. I'm in my 20's. I've thought about the possibility of being gay, and I know for a fact I'm not (but sometimes I wish I was just to get under the skin of homophobes).<br />
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I don't find other guys attractive, but he's beautiful. He'll still be beautiful to me when he has his penis. I'd love it all the same. Because it's him. <br />
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(At this point, I just need to get this off of my chest.)<br />
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Attraction to a human being ba<x>sed on who they are as a human being is rare, but I can't be the only one. <br />
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I hope you find a man one day, my friend.

I met this person once. When I met him, he was a she. I liked her. I had feelings for her. She was beautiful. Now, the connections been made by him that he needs to be a man. He was biologically born as a woman, and needs to change. But he also is gay. <br />
<br />
After pondering it for days, I thought about it. (ALLL of it.) <br />
<br />
I'm already in a happy commited straight relationship, but if I weren't? <br />
<br />
I'd be gay for him. He'd be my boy. And I STILL think he's beautiful. <br />
<br />
I don't know him enough to tell him I love him, but I could easily get there if it happened. <br />
<br />
I'd do anything for him. Even the naughty stuff. <br />
<br />
And I'm completely straight. I'm in my 20's. I've thought about the possibility of being gay, and I know for a fact I'm not (but sometimes I wish I was just to get under the skin of homophobes).<br />
<br />
I don't find other guys attractive, but he's beautiful. He'll still be beautiful to me when he has his penis. I'd love it all the same. Because it's him. <br />
<br />
(At this point, I just need to get this off of my chest.)<br />
<br />
Attraction to a human being ba<x>sed on who they are as a human being is rare, but I can't be the only one. <br />
<br />
I hope you find a man one day, my friend.

I met this person once. When I met him, he was a she. I liked her. I had feelings for her. She was beautiful. Now, the connections been made by him that he needs to be a man. He was biologically born as a woman, and needs to change. But he also is gay. <br />
<br />
After pondering it for days, I thought about it. (ALLL of it.) <br />
<br />
I'm already in a happy commited straight relationship, but if I weren't? <br />
<br />
I'd be gay for him. He'd be my boy. And I STILL think he's beautiful. <br />
<br />
I don't know him enough to tell him I love him, but I could easily get there if it happened. <br />
<br />
I'd do anything for him. Even the naughty stuff. <br />
<br />
And I'm completely straight. I'm in my 20's. I've thought about the possibility of being gay, and I know for a fact I'm not (but sometimes I wish I was just to get under the skin of homophobes).<br />
<br />
I don't find other guys attractive, but he's beautiful. He'll still be beautiful to me when he has his penis. I'd love it all the same. Because it's him. <br />
<br />
(At this point, I just need to get this off of my chest.)<br />
<br />
Attraction to a human being ba<x>sed on who they are as a human being is rare, but I can't be the only one. <br />
<br />
I hope you find a man one day, my friend.

I'm a bi ftm, and I haven't been with anyone since starting hormone treatment 10 months ago, but that's not because I haven't had the opportunity. I'm still sorting out my own issues with sex and how it fits into my identity.<br />
<br />
I get hit on all the time by gay men. I look like a really cute adolescent boy (the older men are waaay into me). If I out myself as trans, the older guys typically lose interest, but a lot of the younger guys are intrigued. I've gotten hit on by several straight guys too (who know I'm trans). I'm not sure if that's bc they're on the downlow (closeted) or bc I'm trans. It's very similar to when I was an androgynous "female"...I was surprised at the number of straight men who were interested in me.<br />
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My point is, I thought only the freakiest of the freaks would find me sexually attractive once they knew everything, but that is not the case. I theorize that people are a lot more bisexual than they let on, and get bored with the same old thing. And don't discount sleeping with other trans people. I've had interested FTMs and MTFs.<br />
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Everyone has the fantasy of walking into a room with the hottest, most desirable partner and making everyone envious. A lot of people mature and realize that happiness isn't about image or being envied or even understood. Those are the people I'm attracted to.

I just have to say that I have the highest respect for you. To be able to understand that you are a gay man trapped in a woman's body means to me that you have a very deep understand of yourself, something I really admire and long for. In our society where people equate a gay man to a woman, it means a lot that you are able to stand up for yourself and be who you truly are. Even though I don't really relate 100%, I still admire who you are and what you stand for, as well as the other's in the comments understand more than I do. Thank you very much for sharing.

I can identify with you I am FTM and for the longest time I viewed myself as a gay male trapped in a female's body but i knew that i was different from other gay males,i never saw myself being apart of the gay male community, i was just something else all together and being in a gay social community like going to gay bars never appealed to me. i think if i where to ever be with a male it would have to be another FTM person and not with a bio one but i am open-minded and pansexual so i guess it would depend on the person and who they are on the inside for i like both women and men and people with all gender identities i just tend to like females whether they be butch or femme or other transmen who are in touch with their feminine side more, i like MTF also. it gets complicated at times for me cause i just feel like a big freak or that how society seems to want me to think, i am with someone now and i know i can sometimes seem like a true enigma to them lol. guess i just weird.

I think the key is a pan-sexual partner who likes you as the way you are, loves you as the way you are, and have physical intimacy with you as the way you are. I label myself as bi and often stand on the view point of seeing a person as a person and not what his/her physical gender is. Having been with gay FTMs (two casual relationships) trying to go thru my mind why I am now attached to FTM, I can only say that pan-sexual is a better way to describe who i am.<br />
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so again, yes there are people out there what are attached to gay FTMs...maybe rare but they are there.

I think the key is a pan-sexual partner who likes you as the way you are, loves you as the way you are, and have physical intimacy with you as the way you are. I label myself as bi and often stand on the view point of seeing a person as a person and not what his/her physical gender is. Having been with gay FTMs (two casual relationships) trying to go thru my mind why I am now attached to FTM, I can only say that pan-sexual is a better way to describe who i am.<br />
<br />
so again, yes there are people out there what are attached to gay FTMs...maybe rare but they are there.

You know I think I'm going through what you are honestly. I hate that I was born this way...like just this particular thing. Maybe I'm liking everyone right but most likely I'm liking the fellas still. Gee, I honesty hope I can meet someone that accepts me even when I have the female part. I feel like I can't ever get down to business because of this and it makes me frustrated or not exactly frustrated but kind of sad. I hope you find that one special guy. I'm still figuring out what I like exactly ahhaha.

Trust me, a gay man can be attracted to a FTM Trans. ...Face, personality, and voice are all more important (in attraction) than private parts. A gay man with a crush on a FTM will still have that crush ( after being told the guy is a trans.) Guarantee you that.

hello romanticrunner.....my name is scottieboi im a gay ftm..i share your experience that you hope a gay man can accept you.....in 2008 i met my now loving sweet hubbie to be.......i never thought i would.....it isnt easy so that is why im asking to be your friend...if u want..im easy going got gsoh and would be a loyal friend.....hope to get a reply from you....???? take care for now....from scottieboi....

The best thing is to suck a lot of **** and take it in the *** as often as you can!

i can accept you for who you truly are inside becauise i can relate. :)<br />
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i have no intentions get a change but i can totally understand how it feels for you to feel like a gay boy in a girl's body. it's confusing but you should be proud of yourself because at least you know what you're going to about it (unlike me).

I have to say, as a gay FTM, I am very scared; scared that I will never find that one person who will love me not only despite who I am, but because of who I am. I don't want someone to whom my body is a fetish, but sometimes it feels as if that's the only kind of person who'd ever find me attractive. So far it seems none of my gay male peers have it in them to consider dating a transman. I tell myself they are young, they haven't grown up enough to think beyond sex; but that doesn't mean it hurts any less not to have anyone with whom I can be intimate and loving. I hate that they don't even treat me as if I am a fellow gay man. They're always touching- giving each other back rubs, sitting on each other's laps, running hands through each other's hair, even if they are only friends, except when it comes to me. It makes a soul very lonesome and melancholy.<br />
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It just doesn't feel fair. It seems as if everyone around me, no matter their orientation, is not grateful for their ability to find others to be close to. They are always pairing up, leaving, pairing up, leaving, with little thought as to what they really need and want in a relationship, always unhappy and complaining because they make superfluous decisions and then pay the price, choosing partners with less discretion than they'd choose, say, a new refrigerator (X looks good on the outside, so X must be what I want and need). I would be excessively grateful just for one human being, no matter what they look like at all, as long as their heart is decent, honest, and sensible, to be loving with.<br />
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Oh, well. Perhaps outside of America there are more mature men. I intend not to stick around here for too many years longer.