Small Town Gay

I live in a small town and I am gay. Most of my life I have lived in small town and as long as I can remember I have been gay (though I only came out recently after being in the closet most of my life).  

To start with; I better answer the question "If it is so bad to be gay in a small town, why do you live there?" I think the core answer is; because I really don't like big cities. They are crowded, dirty, crime is higher and so are prices and taxes. So what I have chosen is a life where I feel safer being a human but sometimes I feel unsafer being a gay human.  Let me explain that last statement. While in a small town the people are, in general, courteous and nice. Except there is a bit of a NIMBY (Not in my back yard) attitude. Gays are fine unless they live next door.

Another factor is that because everybody knows just about everybody else, the gossip is like wildfire. I have lived in a town small enough they printed the gossip in the weekly paper. For example: "John and Mary Doe went to visit their estranged son John Jr. in Lincoln this week who recently had to attend traffic school because of a speeding ticket he received. They were well received and had a lovely dinner at a local restaurant. John Junior's 'friend' Bill was in attendance." 

The last factor I see is, that because it is a small town, the people have strong moral values. OK, a better statement is: people have the perception, that they have strong moral values.  Because John Jr. was out and lived "in the city" it was the heathen place he lived that caused  his homosexuality. What adds to the situation (and is never mentioned, because no one knows) is that when John Sr. was at the same college in the seventies he had "experimented" with his dorm room buddy. So now that he back to living in his small town with all the people he grew up with, John Sr. "knows", first hand, that it is the city that causes men to be gay. Cause heaven forbid, that "kind of thing" in our little town. How could we face the pastor on Sunday?

So, this is why I created this group. I know that there are many gay folks out there, that live in a small town or rural community. I also know how it feels when you think you are the only gay in the world and you have the need to yell at the top of your lungs "I am gay!" but know of the repercussions so you do not. So join this group and yell all you want, you are among friends.


GayFruita GayFruita
41-45, M
4 Responses Dec 10, 2012

Oh honey. I know too. Be cool.

I am gay and live in a small town to

I am lucky. I live in a town of 15,000 in Northern California coastal mountains near a mountain lake with my partner of 25 years. I decided to come here from the Bay Area of California after my retirement there because I could not afford to live there in retirement. My partner and I are members of the county Stonewall Democratic Club here and have several gay friends in this town. Our neighbors know we're gay and there is no prejudice against us here that I am aware of. The mayor of our town last year is a young gay man who is a manager at a local vineyard. Fortunately, this part of rural California is more accepting of gays than most rural areas of the country and I am very grateful to live in California. However, all of rural California is not as supportive. Good to see this group appear on EP as rural gays need a place to discuss issues unique to them. Thank you GayFruita!

I live in a rural community but luckily I am only about 30 minutes from a large city. To be honest I really don't let anyone know my business here and they are redneck enough that I feel it could put me in danger and don't need it, for me for now it's best to keep myself as anon a possible around here but I do have quite a few friends that know close by and they are too.