Questions, Many Questions

i'm going through the weirdest experience of my life. i've never before had more women attracted to me. it's like they sense that my personal development and maturity are finally culminating into a confident individual, which is a little correct. The more this happens, though, the more it causes me stress. It causes me stress because I say to myself, "If only I could match their interest." I simply can't. I've tried, to the point of exhaustion, to fall in love with or submit to a woman. Someone once told me that "what you think you want and what God wants for you may not be the same thing." What God seems to want from me is an interest in men. Its still so weird to me that I can't even claim it as my own interest. I have to attribute it to God. I guess its a way to get by.
I can now tell, quite keenly, which men are attractive and which ones aren't. When I noticed that I notice this, I get startled, I tense up, get anxious. When I'm watching TV and an attractive couple present, I see them both, and notice their attractiveness, but then my eyes go back to the man. They stay there. I toggle back and forth and they want to go back to the man. I'm very intrigued by them.
this is occurring for me in a supremely straight world of Christianity, business and recreation. i have no one to mention it to. i can't even suggest it. it is such an isolating feeling.
Suitedup Suitedup
31-35, M
2 Responses Aug 2, 2010

thanks for those comments. i think some of the questions going forward are. What does this mean? Because I do check out men, and i enjoy doing it, does it mean that i'm gay? and if so, how do you move forward with that? i imagine that being with another man is what proves it for you, but how are you supposed begin that process?<br />
thanks again for your support. i'll check out your posts.

Like DJK said, the first person you have to come out to is yourself.. very well put. And raised Christian let me tell you.. that was the hardest one for me. I almost married a women, I was trying to be "straight christian folk" I was trying to live to everyone's expectations of me. Here's the deal... You're a Christian so I'm going to impart a great wisdom that was told to me as a child.. "God don't make mistakes" That means you are exactly who you are supposed to be so don't fight it, embrace the person you are and love you... everything else will start falling into place.