Wouldn't Wish My Life On Anyone

I read a lot of these posts talking about coming out when they were teenagers or early 20's, etc. Growing up in small town in NY State and not having anyone or any place to go to talk about being gay made it that much harder to come out. In high school, it was not talked about. You saw other kids who "came out" or we even suspected of being gay getting the crap beat out of them. All the more reason to hide it.

I hid the fact that I am gay until I was 35 when I finally came out to my family...only to find out they knew for years and never said anything to me. The anger I felt because I could have come out much earlier and maybe things would have been different (maybe not, but I'll never know). My entire family was just fine with my sexuality...even my parents, which really surprised me; especially my mother. She was very religious...need I say more. The problem was I don't think I was ok with being  gay. I knew I was (am) gay, but after  hiding it for so many years I found myself still hiding it; and after another 15 years I still do not think I have fully accepted it.

Being 50 and gay is hard enough, but 50, gay and alone does not make a good combination. I did have one relationship which lasted for 8 years. It didn't end well and maybe that has something to do with why I have no one now...I find  it very difficult to trust anyone. I'm suspicious of everyone...you know "I'm not paranoid. Everyone is just out to get me". cheeky

I  just wanted to share my story and  see if maybe there are others out there who may have experienced or feel the same. Is it too late to find love and live happily ever after???
jlitzenb jlitzenb
56-60, M
1 Response Aug 7, 2010

I just turned 50 in June of 2010, and I didn't come out until last year, when I saw the movie, "Prayers for Bobby". That almost lead to the road again for suicide. When, he had committed suicide because of his mother's reaction. I had a heart-attack the day after the premier of that show, and then it was that I came out of the closet. I am Proud to be Gay. I wish, I had more gay friends in WV, and in the town in which I am from. It's not like I am looking, bbut there are fewer than, maybe 25 people here, but this is a big area, and most are in larger cities then where I am from. I have been on AdultFriendfinders, Gaymen .com, but still there again, it's the distance.