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My Life And My Story As A Young Gay Adult

Hi everyone. My name is John and I am new to the site and thought I should just share my story and seek advice from people. I am currently 22 years old and in college.

It all goes back to when I was a kid. I was sexually and physically abused by a family member. I remember being 7-8 years old and mom and dad had not had any talk with me regarding sex or anything like that. Most of my life I have struggled with being gay. When I was about 8 years old I struggled with being gay but had no idea what gay was. I found myself attracted to boys my age and had no idea why I had these feelings. For years I went on questioning why I had these feelings. Mom and dad were not really there to talk to me about any of this stuff so I had no idea. When I was in middle school I finally accepted that I was gay and by then of course I knew what gay was. I remember times when mom and dad would go out and would leave me at the house alone and I would go on the computer and look up gay sex because I had no idea what it was like or why I was feeling this way. I know it felt ok with me. I guess with my parents not talking to me about this kind of stuff at all I was left finding out on my own what this was. Through my online searching I was able to find out what sex was and I even saw sex videos. My story goes on to say that my parents never did talk to me about this kind of stuff.

When I was a kid I went through so much hell. My uncle sexually abused me and I did nothing wrong to deserve this. For years it was denied that he did anything wrong to me and I was so mentally depressed I had to see a psychiatrist most of my years as a kid and teenager. Like I said for years I struggled with being gay since the age of 8. I was really bad in school and used to get suspended all the time when I was in elementary school. I used to fight with my teachers and fight with kids in my class. I remember that I got into so much trouble that when I would get home there was dad with the belt in his hand. He would make me take off all my clothes and he would whip me until my body was red all over. He made extra holes in the belt and soaked it in water becuse he said that made it hurt so much more and plus it made my body marks more red and noticable. I remember times when he used to beat me telling me if I did not do good in school he would beat me more. I was so bad that the school kicked me out and said I was not allowed to come back. We moved away to another town in hopes to start a new life. I still got beatings from my dad although I did not have to see my uncle. When I was in middle school I accepted being gay. I was not happy with it and did consider suicide but thanks to God I am still alive today.

When I was in my 11th grade of high school I came out to everyone including my parents and told them I was gay. I lost all my friends. They all went to a different table at lunch and I found myself with no one to talk to. My parents did not accept me and said I had to stop this or find a different place to live. I was so scared of being homeless at the time so I promised them I would stop being gay although I did not mean it. I remember being bullied and made fun of all the time. I used to come home from school and would run from the bus stop to my house because bullies and kids would throw rocks at me so I would run home crying. My mom told the school principle but he did nothing about it. She went to the school board of education and they promised to take care of it but did nothing. I was constantly harassed and made fun of for being gay and fat. No one wanted to talk to me. I tried suicide about 3 times in my high school years but was not successful at the attempt. I ended up in in a rehab mental clinic at one point because of this.

I did graduate high school and to my surprise I graduated with my graduating class. To this day at the age of 22 I live by myself in my own apartment with not even one friend to hang out with or anything. My parents have no clue I am gay. My current boyfriend I have been dating for about 1 month now. He had a problem where he missed my dinner date a few weeks ago. We were supposed to have dinner and rent a movie at my place but he never showed up even though I cooked all this food for the both of us. His excuse was that he was moving to a new place with his mom and his brother. I said this was not a good excuse. He failed to call me for almost a week after that but since then has attempted to make things up with me. In fact next week on April 28th we will have been together for about 1 month exact. We have been dating for 1 month but have been friends for about 3 months before that. He said he wants to take me out during the weekend of next week to a nice dinner.

I should probably state that I used to go to church when I was still at home with mom and dad. They raised me as a Christian and taught me the ways of the bible. I did leave the church when I moved out of home because they never accepted me for being who I was as gay. I am sure my parents would be really happy if I started to go back to church again although I have made my choice to not go.

I am at a point in my life where I just do not know what else to do with myself. Sometimes I am sad and lonely. I am not suicidal at the moment and nor do I want to be as I have not been to a mental clinic since back in high school and I do see a therapist once a week and she helps me out with my problems but I feel this is not enough. I must add that now in turning 22 this month I am proud to be gay. I have learned to accept and that there is nothing wrong with it no matter what anyone says. I still love my boyfriend very much but I just have no idea how my family will react when they find out that I am gay and dating a guy.

I am sorry my story was so long but I had to share what I had been through in this horrible life. If you think you had it bad in your life then ask yourself this- Have you been through what I have been through or worse? I need an advice from people. I would like to make some new friends but have no idea what to do. I have gone out to events and social gatherings in my area but have found no new friends. When I am not in college I am at home by myself with no one to talk to or hang out with.

Well that's me, John from Connecticut in the US
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Edit:

Since I have written this story I should add that things are different today then when I was a kid. My parents are the 2 nicest people in the world whom I love dearly and my dad has been supportive of everything I do to suceed in my life as my mom has also been there for me. My mom supports me and said she is ok with me being gay. My dad is a nice guy and if you met him today you would not beleve that he would ever have hit anyone with a belt or anything because he is too nice. With that said he never was really there for me as a kid and he does not accept that I am gay. Instead all I get is a message from him telling me to keep my personal life off my facebook. As for my uncle- I have not talked to him in years and I hope I never have to speak with him anytime soon. I have learned to forgive him for what he did to me and just move on with my life although he never really admitted that he did anything wrong. Other than that I am still in college trying my best to finish my degree so I can transfer from a 2 year to a four year school. I still live by myself in an apartment. I have not changed my mind about going to church. My boyfriend just broke up with me because he said I did not answer one call of his. I told him my school does not get good service as they block all cell phone signals in the building but he did not care. Take it from me that anyone who breaks up with you over something this stupid is not worth your time.

I should probably state that even though my parents are the nicest people in the world you could ever meet today I still struggle with everything that has happened. I find it hard to sleep at night and find myself with bad childhood memories always in my thoughts and then it makes it hard for me to live my life. I recently found out that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD ) and sometimes I wish I was dead or something. With this PTSD there are a lot of nights when I am unable to sleep due to having nightmares of abuse from family members. I feel like all these events that happened to me as a kid have left me traumatized for life or something with no hope of moving past my childhood expieriences. The good news is I was talking to a high school friend of mine whom I have not spoken to in years. He is acceptant of me and even came out to me as bi. He can relate to the things that have happened to me in this story. I guess him relating to me and everything I have been through makes me somewhat happy to know I have a friend who cares and someone who can relate to me. He too was in ia recent break up like mine and since then we have both been there for support although I am depressed that my family just gave me the news that they are moving away. They are moving away to Florida. I live in Connecticut and have to stay here to finish school. Now would be a really good time to say I wish I was dead. I have no boyfriend and no friends to hang out with minus the one I mentioned from before. That being said thanks for taking the time to read my story as hard as it was to get through this. John
johnnyr860 johnnyr860 22-25, M 20 Responses Apr 9, 2011

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Wow wat a story simalar to mine i was like 12 wen i found out i was gay but i didnt hav the struggle u did i decided one day to invite my only friend over n seduce him this next parts explicit but i dressed up in a skirt thigh highs shaved my legs stole my sisters best heels and a blonde wig like everything so wen i came bak downstairs he was stunned however i explained to him this was an experiment no one wuld ever kno and didnt make him gay so i told him to fantisize about any girl he wanted so i blindfolded him n got to work ;) i enjoyed every second of it! He did too he finished within like 5 mins and i knew i was gay i liked being a girl and i was never ashamed i came flying out of the closet at 15dressed as a female since 16 everone including my parents were shoked but noone culd do anything about it im now 21 living alone as a woman i dont hav a bf but i get by ;) totally passable and i love it! There is absoultly no shame in who we are!

If you are still over-weight, try losing 10 to ? pounds with good food and regular , ,exercise. This might help you to feel better- more self confident which would show and draw friends to you as a person they wanted to be with.

You, ll get through it just be yourself and enjoy life.

hello every one I am new to the site and thought I should just share my story and seek advice from people...<br />
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my name is JASON PARILLA NODALO.living in the philippines i am 26years As a person I like to think of myself as confident but not overly. I'm a very humble man. I understand that there's a time to give and be loving and understanding. I also believe in standing up for what I believe and not being walked on. I'm always there for my friends and loved ones. I don't run from adversity. I care what people think of me because I believe in being the best man I can be. I want people who come across me to think "hey what a cool guy". It's not about attention for me. It's about the importance of ones own honor and respect for those around me....<br />
i am a suicidal type of person i used to drinks perfume,take high dosage of medicine...<br />
i have no self confident,i am a shy type of person i am afraid to mingle with other..i am prefer to stay home and play volleyball,reading book,and if i have money i use to go online to make some blog about what is happening in my life,i don't have personal computer!<br />
i don't have a strong faith to god its maybe because of what is happening to my life...and sometime hurting my self is one of my way to ease all of my problem!!<br />
if i fell the hurt i think all of my problem are gone..<br />
I am a person who has a great ambition in life,a person who wanted to finish my studies ,likewise a person who try the best that i can,and not afraid to fail because i believe that failure is just only a challenge on us to believe ourselves more similarly I am a person who has a good attitude or characteristics to someone,,the custom that I possess are ;trustworthy,honest,religious,and most of all respectful,caring,loving,and simple,,, I know from that custom that I possess were really help me to achieve my dreams and goals<br />
Hopes and dreams are like fleeting birds at night every searching it seems until they are realized,, I cant deny the fact that i really want to meet a person that has a good heart,wherein he will accept me for who i am.......a person who is understanding in all aspect of life.because I came from a poor and simple family,my father is only a farmer,and my loving mother is a house wife ,,I am the 4th siblings in my family cant afford to pay my tuition fee in school but still i am doing my best!! right now I AM a College student taken up BACHELOR IN SECONDARY EDUCATION,, I sacrifice working even I am studying,,I study hard,,,I worked because it really help in my studies,,,, to all of you,,i really knock your heart to help me,,to tell you honestly, I LOVED STUDIES!!<br />
I may be typical, but this typical is in her utmost uniqueness to the ones brave enough to unfold it. I’d rather be hated for who I am. Than, being loved for who I am not. I am me. I love the wind. I love the warmth of the sand embracing my feet. I love poetry. I love simplicity. I love flying balloons. I love the bitterness of coffee during rainy season. I love books. . I love music that coincides with travel. I love kites. I love freedom. I love ice cream. I love laughing.I love multi-tasking. I love intellectual conversations. I love photographs and butterflies. I love writing. I love hugging. I love prayers and the Big Man above. I once,twice, many times failed, I've been hurt much,but I continue loving &amp; moving forward to where I wanna be because of the people behind me that made me stronger &amp; better person.I’m calculated but spontaneous. Irrational yet thoughtful.Opinionated but open minded. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Witty and sparkly…spazzy at times. Miserable but loving every minute of it.To summarize everything, I LOVE THE SIMPLICITY OF LIFE AMIDST THE COMPLEXITIES OF Human As someone with moderate self-confidence, you generally feel comfortable interacting with other people. In particular, you find the company of friends comforting and occasionally enjoy meeting new people. You tend to be relaxed in groups, which makes people around you relaxed too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as friendly.<br />
Your social confidence also spills into your personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, you tend to acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. However, you sometime regret things you’ve done or said in the past, and occasionally get embarrassed by these things.<br />
When it comes to your professional life, you tend to set moderate to high standards for yourself. Your work performance should provide ample evidence for this. With this and your sociability, friends and colleagues tend to see you as someone who can provide sound advice.<br />
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i am 26years old,currently leaving with my grand parent custody because both of my biological parent are already past away since when i was 15 year old..<br />
during my elementary grade my biological parent is very supportive in my study they want me to finish my study until college but because of poverty and my parent don't have stable job we have no permanent address we use to transfer from one place to another until the time come that my parent get old and die!!<br />
during my childhood i never experience how to be a child like playing in the street!because in my early age i know how to do some household chores my parent teach me how to be a nice son!!<br />
until the time they die!!<br />
i was second year high school when i leave in my grand parent custody i thought my life will get better but i was wrong instead its get more miserable that i was not expecting its very challenging full of struggle,until i graduated my high school grade !<br />
i am not studying now i am only helping my grand mother at home!<br />
i really want to finish my study i am hoping that one of this day someone will help me,i really need help really really!!!<br />
i cant handle this alone my grand parent are already old,

Hello there Jason I just wanted to say thanks for replying to my story with a story of your own. I just wanted to say I am sorry for such a late response but I have been so busy these days with school and stuff that I have not had the chance to log in and respond to many people here as you can see. I wanted to say that your story really speaks to me in so many ways and up to a certain point I feel as if I can relate to you and who you are as a person. I believe being the best you can be is what we are made to be and nothing less. We should always be the very best we can be and nothing else because it shows how strong of people we are in this world.
I am sorry to hear you are suicidal. That is never the option because I believe it does get better as a person and I have been through suicide myself many times in my life but life gets better because you can make it better for yourself if you just try your best and tell yourself it will be ok. I too am a shy person but in my case I learn to accept people and just be among them because I feel better like I can relate to people when I mingle with them then when I stay alone without people to be around me. But trust me I respect that you are not into God at this time and not everyone believes in him and if they do not everyone has such a strong faith in him because of problems in their lives but trust me suicide is not the answer to a problem and life does get better but I understand you are doing this to ease yourself but hopefully you can find something that works to help you out that does not result to self harm because that is not good. Just because you feel pain or hurt does not mean all your problems go away just like that. There are still problems you just probably feel better about them when you do self harm. I know this because I felt just like you at some point in my life.

Yes I believe that if you set your mind to it you can do anything in your life that you really want to do no matter what it is and if you believe that you can make it and finish school as you wanted you should be able to do just that because in this life anything is possible and maybe I am behind in school but at least I am trying my best and all we can do is try our best and hope for the best and when you try your best you feel better as a person because you tried your best.
I feel almost as if you just described me here. You’re an amazing person and I too grew up in a poorer family here in the states and I am currently not looking for anyone because I am just tired of people who cannot accept me for who I am. I want someone who can look at me for my personality and not my looks and that can be hard to find these days. I am just working and trying my best as only I can in this life. Times are hard for us all but we try the very best we can and that is what matters is that we try our best. If someone cannot accept you for who you are or understand your life and what you have to go through then they may not be worth it in the first place and you can find someone who is better then that. I also agree with you me too- I would rather be hated for who I am then loved for who I am not.
I feel almost as if you just described me here right now. Your story speaks to me so much and let me tell you that we need to learn to let go of people who hurt us. I have been through so much hurt in my life and the people who hurt me emotionally and in other ways are many but I learned to just let go and accept people for what they did to me but I learned more importantly to let go of people who hurt me and to forgive and forget. When you can learn to forgive and forget your enemies or people who have caused you harm your life feels so much better and you take a turn for the better in your life. Allow me to deeply express how sorry I am that you lost your parents at such a young age. That is never a good thing and I hope your life is getting better today because life does get better it just takes time to heal and get better. You seem like an amazing person and you can make your life so much better and it will get better you just have to believe that you can move on and do things for the better. While I am sorry to say I cannot provide you with any money support at this time as I have my own money problems I will say this that if you just need someone to talk to please come find me here and send me a message. I am not here to judge anyone and I am here to support people and help out the best I can supporting people.

I hope you’re doing better these days. Kind regards- John

Jason has been my friend for years. Things are difficult, but he keeps working hard. He is in 2nd year of college. He is winner. He just needs a chance

eeverom<br />
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Thank you so much for your support and getting to me with a response to my story. I am touched by the things you have said. Tears come to my eyes as I think of this man and all the bad he did me. But I am moving on now. Just saw an old high school friend today for lunch. She is going to the mall with a group of friends whom I know so they invited me along on their little trip this weekend. At least I am out there and getting to meet new people. I am happy they invited me especially since I have been through so much and I was not sure I would get support from them but they were glad to accept me into their group. My bi friend is coming with us so this is good. Who knows where things can lead us.<br />
<br />
I am back on the scene again as a single man. I told my friends that I was thinking of changing my status on facebook and my dating profiles so that it says I like men and women instead of just men. I know I am gay and stuff but I did date a girl back in high school for a year as I saw myself bi at the time. I later after breaking up with her thought of myself as gay so here I am now. But then again it should not matter who you are or who you love. As long as you love someone enough to love yourself you are fine no matter who says what. I accept myself as gay and even if I do go back to bi status I will be ok. <br />
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Thank you so much for writing back to me as this means a lot. I would love to be your friend as well :) John

Hi John,<br />
I just wanted to let you know that I think you are such a strong person and I'm so proud of you for everything that you've achieved! I don't pretend to know how much pain you've been through in life, but please know that there are so many people who will appreciate you for who you are! Someone once told me that we are like spiders--we have everything necessary inside ourselves to build our web of contacts, and we get to choose who to include and who to exclude. I hope you're able to include people in your world who are accepting and who make you happy, and if you haven't found many of them yet, don't worry because they're definitely out there (they're just a little bit more difficult to find)!! Don't ever be ashamed to be who you feel you should be, there is nothing wrong with being gay, no matter what anyone says! And I'd love to be your friend!

truckermike<br />
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Thanks for responding to my story. This really means a lot to me that you would do that. I can see what you mean. Things back then seemed much more different then things today and yes I feel that today we have a huge problem of what is homophobia. Just the mention of wanting to start a life with my boyfriend and maybe one day having kids makes people run away. It's not like we are any different then if I was with a lady. I say people need to get over themselves and accept us just they way we are. Oh well this is too bad this may not happen anytime soon. <br />
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In fact only 5 of 50 states allow Gay Marriage and I say this is no good. I can see what you mean when you say you had it bad back then. Back then these types of things were unheard of and if you were to mention anything about being gay it really was seen as a very bad thing and I say worse then today. Hopefully you can fulfill that dream of being with a male companion someday if God forbid something bad were to happen and your wife passed away.<br />
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You are who you are as I tell people and there is nothing wrong with that. People may not accept me for who I am as a person but I say they may be insecure of who they are themselves. I have learned in this short life to accept and move on no matter what anyone says. Thanks for responding back to me. John

Hi John,I am much older than you,and grew up in an era of time when being gay was almost a death sentence,you did not come out to anyone,you just got to know certain boys that would "allow"you to give them oral,but you never wanted to make them angry for fear of being "labled"queer or ******,I am 54 now,been married to a wonderful woman for almost 28 years,have had 3 children born,but I know I am still,was,and always will be gay,just something about. Being with another male and pleasing him that is totally fulfilling to me.My wife has known from before we were ever married,but I put that life on the shelf,someday I do hope to have a male companion,but only if my wife were to pass away,as I would not want to be unfaithful to her @ this point. Just know in this timer things are much better than when I was 12&13 and so on. Keep on keeping on,& find your love. Sincerely yours,Mike.

Brandon,<br />
<br />
Thanks for reading my story. I told you that in reading this it would be long and tough to read but you took the time to read this and this is all that matters. I am sorry that you had to relate to certain things that had happened to me. It is never good when someone puts their hands on you or tries to hurt you in any way shape or form. I remember good times we used to have at the high school and the great times as friends that we will have in the future. You put a smile on my face from reading your comment as does everyone on here but you made me cry more then ever. Because all my friends left me but you were the one and only who accepted me and who stayed with me through this tough times in school. <br />
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I am so glad to hear back from you after so many years of not seeing you. It will all be ok with you and we will be there to support each other because that's what good friends do. You are my hero for sticking there till the end with me and I am glad to know you met this girl whom you love. I wish you two the best together and regardless of how she was born you love her with everything you have and this is good.<br />
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When I met my boyfriend Bryan I was the happiest guy ever and now I am even more happy. As of tomorrow we celebrate 1 month of dating but 4 months of knowing each other. One day this will be you saying this same thing about you and your lover. Thanks again for taking the time to read my story. You are one true and amazing friend and words cannot express how happy I am that you messaged me from before on FB.<br />
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Sincerely, John

I Always Feel Lonely Too My Dear Friend John, Ive Known You For A Very Long Time And Love Ya Like A Brother. In Fact, I Was One Of The First To Hear You Come Out And Am Very Proud Of You My Brother! XD

ellbee7<br />
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Thanks for taking the time to read my story and relate to what I have been through. I do find it hard to make friends because when I come out to them and tell them I am gay it kind of scares people away. I have tried telling them I have a boyfriend and this makes no difference. I have even tried not telling people at all that I am gay but it turns out they are either not interested in being friends or they are but eventually they find I am gay somehow and leave me like all my high school so called friends did. As for my parents well they believe now. I went through so much depression in my younger years and in high school at a point my mom sat down with me to talk about it. I am getting help that I need now. I feel like a totally different person since that of when I was a kid and I have seen greatly the changes in my life since I started treatment again. <br />
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I find myself happier and in a better mood and even though I really don't have any friends I have my boyfriend and every time I talk to him or see him just knowing he is there puts a smile on my face. We love each other so much and he is there every step of the way supporting me in getting the help I need as a person. I speak out about these types of things so that guys can stop hiding what happened. Things like these are reported all the time in females but hardly in males. My guess is that men act strong and try to be real tough thus hiding anything they have been through instead of speaking about it. Speaking about these things and admitting you need help is something that I wish more people especially guys would do. There is nothing wrong with trying to live your life and get the help you need.<br />
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As for you not getting over this yet- I can see exactly where you come from. I have moved past this (or so I thought) and have tried moving forward but sometimes I find myself like you, isolated feeling like I have nowhere to turn. But I am working on this now and am ready to move on with my life as I would hope you would be too someday. I am here to support people who need help and to accept help and support from people who are willing to give it. I thank you for taking the time to read my story and hope everything turns out for the best in your life as well. Thanks again. John

I can sorta relate although im a 26yr old female, I was also abused by a member of the family and even though it took a long time, the truth did come out and like you no one believed me and that is hard, and on top of that no one wanted to deal with it the way i wanted it dealt with. i think its awesome you spoke out, and its horrible that your parents dont beleive and your uncle denys it. I too find it hard to meet people and make friends, so i know whats thats like but i go to adult schools and try to make friends as well as get some where in life. i feel as though me dwelling on the past on im not able to move forward so i have learnt to get over it a bit and in doing that i kinda isolate myself away a bit. i also find it easier to get a boyfriend then it is to make friends. <br />
you must be strong enough to get to where you are now and to keep going it will get easier to find new places to go and to meet new poeple. i hope you find some really nice people in your life to support you. <br />
I think its important to know that even been through what you've been through, you are still here and still trying and you can make a better person out of yourself because of this. you probably already have.<br />
Even though you have a boyfriend keep trying to make more friends aswell, you'd have to find people that you get along with.

zarda9,<br />
<br />
Thank you so much for getting back to me on my story. I appreciate things more when someone can relate to things I have been through. Church can really do a number on people. I tell you never have I felt so unaccepted which is why I stopped going. My boyfriend lives 20 minutes away from me. Since I wrote this story about 2 weeks or so ago I have heard back from him. He said he was sorry for missing my date but he was moving to his new place with his mom and his brother and he had no phone or internet connection to call me. I said this was no excusse as I had cooked so much food for us and he blew me off. He is trying hard to make things up. He has asked me out to dinner and said he could not wait to see me. <br />
<br />
So yes I could drive out 20 minutes to see him. He has been calling me non stop everyday since he missed our date and we have spent almost hours on the phone each day for the past week talking. He says our next dinner date will be very romantic. I sure hope for his sake he is correct because God knows I am trying to please him.<br />
<br />
A few years ago I had an argument with my dad but we are over this now. I got so angry at him that I punched the kitchen door which had a window and of course ended up in the ER to get 4 stiches for my arm. To this day I still have the mark of where I was cut from the glass. No matter this was years ago and nothing bad has happened since that day.<br />
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I have updated the story above just look in the part that says edit towards the bottom.<br />
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I hope things with my boyfriend can continue to work out for the best. Thanks for getting back to me! This really means a lot to me. John :)

wow and I thought I had it tough.I can relate to your story in many ways.as I read your story it looks like it could have been written by me.I was in the same situation.been going on and off to church all my life and yes I was there with thinking about suicide.I finally found out who my real friends were after I came out.keep going forward.as too you and your boyfriend.is he close to were you live?can you go see him.instead of relying on a phone call?ask him why he blew you off.with the dinner.there is nothing wrong with you.don't know why your mother wouldnt believe you about what your uncle was doing to you.it was wrong what he was doing to you and it was wrong for her not to believe you.the problum is with everyone else.as to why you can't get picked up.thats a hard one.alls I can say is we all are choosey.one day someone will come along and sweep you off your feet.and you will say the wait was worth it.who knows maybe your just too desperate.good luck to you post again let us know hows it going..

GreenEnigma<br />
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I want to thank you for your kind words. They made me cry. I could not help it. Never in my life have I come this far and never has anyone said they are proud of me like you did. When I graduated from high school my family came and mom and dad said they proud of me but that was about it. I was in special ed as a kid and was told I would never graduate from school because of my learning disability. I was slower then most kids in my class and had trouble understanding material in class. So yes graduating high school and making it to college is a huge success in my life.<br />
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As for my boyfriend I have to say you are right. He should have some reason as to why he did not contact me as there really is no excuse. If he did not pay his cell phone bill and got it shut off he could have used his moms phone or a payphone that only costs 50 cents a minute. You're right I do care a lot for him. We always talked about our lives down the future. We always talked about one day maybe getting married. I always got excited when we talked about this stuff. I always told him how I wanted to spend my whole life with him. He is 20 and me 22. Oh well. I will wait and hope he has a good excuse for not talking to me.<br />
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Again thanks for your kind words. I feel lack of motivation sometimes but you gave me motivation. John

ohh not at all~<br />
and yeah at least u try ur best =) thats rly good to know...<br />
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hmm.. i hope ur bf contact u soon, maybe he's kinda busy? think positively and be happy! <br />
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sincerely, Ellen

Mikebissle-<br />
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Thanks for your kind words. I am glad to see someone the same age as me who is also gay. I really do not know many gay people that are around my age. As for my boyfriend- Well lets say the last time I heard from him was Friday of last week and I have not heard from him since. He promised we had a date this past Friday but never showed up. It has been over a week since I heard anything from him. His phone is disconnected no matter whose phone I call him from so I got nothing. I am sure he will call me back. I just hope you are right and things do get better because he was all I had. We had plans to spend more time together. The bottom line is he left me hanging on a date. I stayed up until midnight to see if he would call and got nothing :(<br />
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Again thanks for the advice :)

Also 22 and gay; I am so sorry for what you've been through. It's good that you're at least out on your own and have a supportive boyfriend. It's gonna get better from here. :)

ellen023<br />
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I would love to be friends. Thanks for the support. Times like these are tough and even though I am an adult who no longer lives at home my parents do live about 5 minutes away from me. I have learned to move on past this and be happy. At least I try my best. My boyfriend is perfect in every little way except for the fact I have not heard back from him in a while and he has me thinking he does not love me which makes me feel unwanted. Other than that I am glad to be your friend.<br />
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Again thanks for the support sweetie :)<br />
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Sincerely, John

sorry to know ur life experiences... We can be friends, if u want to be :) <br />
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i always feel lonely too, yeah have no friends to share with cuz the ones who i consider as a friend have been so busy, so here i am, alone <br />
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its so hard to go through a life like yours.. I feel sorry for u.. Wish u all the best! :D