I'm Not GayyyExcept I am. :] for a long time I had convinced myself I was bisexual, or that I only liked a certain guy--which, by the way, doesnt work. If you like one guy youre going to end up liking another. Anyway. I spent a lot of time with girls.. I was a pla
I feel horrible for hurting her like I did. I mean, she got pregnant at seventeen, had the best child in the freaking world, and everything was great for a while. We never fought, which was odd for me, and we always seemed to agree on everything. Literally.
But after a while I felt like I was going to her house for her brother more than for her. Him and I became extremely close and he even tried convincing me to propose to his sister so we'd officially be family and everything. I told him I'd think about it and see what she wanted to do with her future. I ended up going home that night and talking to my brother about it. I don't remember everything that was said but by the end he was laughing at me and saying "Dude, you're gay. Accept it." Needless to say, it was a long talk.
I started thinking 'okay, i know i like guys, but obviously i like girls too.' and i just couldnt stop thinking.
sooo i went to a party. drinking cleared my mind. [bad, i know, im a lot better now, its not something im exactly proud of]. I ended up fooling around with a guy that i used to be friends with in middle school.. while dating my girlfriend. bad combination.
I talked to her brother about it first. we were close so he wouldnt completely hate my guts for what I had done. he was angry, but he didnt kick me out of his family, so.. plus side!
Around this time was when my baby girl was born, so i spent a lot of time around her and her family. my brother started getting frustrated at me for never being home, and after a huge fight, he called my girlfriend and told her what had happened at the party..
She was more confused than angry. Was I gay? Bi? Just drunk as hell? I told her I didn't know and.. that was when the truth came out. i liked her brother. A lot of things happened that you dont want to know about just yet.. but in the end we almost had an open relationship type thing.. For maybe three months. As my daughter began growing up, my girlfriend became frustrated and realized that she wasn't going to have a normal life if her dad was gay and her mother ALLOWED her daddy to mess around with her uncle.
She broke up with me.
I got with her brother. A lot of fighting happened.. Jealousy, confusion, anger, etc. I think she's growing on to it, but i don't know. I may have ripped her heart out, considering how much she loved the relationship we had--she was just too selfless to admit that she wanted me. she told her brother that if it made him and i happy, that she was okay with everything.
she lied. i know shes unhappy, and im still working on that little bit, but to be honest, im not interested in girls anymore. i can respect the female body.. I can. shes hot and i know it. but the thought of being with a female intimately literally gives me chills. I dont want it.
my baby girl is growing up and i know she can tell something is up, but i'll just have to see what she thinks as she gets older. as much as ive gone through with her and her mother, i dont want to lose any of them.