I'm Not Gayyy

Except I am. :] for a long time I had convinced myself I was bisexual, or that I only liked a certain guy--which, by the way, doesnt work. If you like one guy youre going to end up liking another. Anyway. I spent a lot of time with girls.. I was a player, I guess. If i wasn't dating one, I was having a one night stand and moving on. Surprisingly, they all were friends. I'm STILL friends with a lot of them. And then one day, my twin brother had hooked me up with a chick, and she was nice--and hot, haha--so I went with it. We were together for a long time. Maybe two years? A little over.
I feel horrible for hurting her like I did. I mean, she got pregnant at seventeen, had the best child in the freaking world, and everything was great for a while. We never fought, which was odd for me, and we always seemed to agree on everything. Literally.
But after a while I felt like I was going to her house for her brother more than for her. Him and I became extremely close and he even tried convincing me to propose to his sister so we'd officially be family and everything. I told him I'd think about it and see what she wanted to do with her future. I ended up going home that night and talking to my brother about it. I don't remember everything that was said but by the end he was laughing at me and saying "Dude, you're gay. Accept it." Needless to say, it was a long talk.
I started thinking 'okay, i know i like guys, but obviously i like girls too.' and i just couldnt stop thinking.
sooo i went to a party. drinking cleared my mind. [bad, i know, im a lot better now, its not something im exactly proud of]. I ended up fooling around with a guy that i used to be friends with in middle school.. while dating my girlfriend. bad combination.
I talked to her brother about it first. we were close so he wouldnt completely hate my guts for what I had done. he was angry, but he didnt kick me out of his family, so.. plus side!
Around this time was when my baby girl was born, so i spent a lot of time around her and her family. my brother started getting frustrated at me for never being home, and after a huge fight, he called my girlfriend and told her what had happened at the party..
She was more confused than angry. Was I gay? Bi? Just drunk as hell? I told her I didn't know and.. that was when the truth came out. i liked her brother. A lot of things happened that you dont want to know about just yet.. but in the end we almost had an open relationship type thing.. For maybe three months. As my daughter began growing up, my girlfriend became frustrated and realized that she wasn't going to have a normal life if her dad was gay and her mother ALLOWED her daddy to mess around with her uncle.
She broke up with me.
I got with her brother. A lot of fighting happened.. Jealousy, confusion, anger, etc. I think she's growing on to it, but i don't know. I may have ripped her heart out, considering how much she loved the relationship we had--she was just too selfless to admit that she wanted me. she told her brother that if it made him and i happy, that she was okay with everything.
she lied. i know shes unhappy, and im still working on that little bit, but to be honest, im not interested in girls anymore. i can respect the female body.. I can. shes hot and i know it. but the thought of being with a female intimately literally gives me chills. I dont want it.
my baby girl is growing up and i know she can tell something is up, but i'll just have to see what she thinks as she gets older. as much as ive gone through with her and her mother, i dont want to lose any of them.
StrippedxPride487 StrippedxPride487
18-21, M
5 Responses May 1, 2011

haha thanks(:

attitudes are changing , do the right thing ,love your daughter and she will almost certainly love you back

Thanks man...we'll just have to see how our stories end.

Word. Seems like we have similar stories in this aspect of life. Hope the stresses fade away and you're daughter accepts your style. Good luck, man.

Allow me to answer in your style.<br />
Dude, you got a lot of strife ahead of you. If you want to get over your relationship with the girl, it is going to take a couple of years to clear your head.<br />
What do I suggest? That you face the truth and bite your tongue. Get on with your life. Yes, sever the relationship with your GF, the mother of your child, allow the divorce to happen and pay the alimony and support. You play with fire, you get burned.<br />
Then sever the relationship, send the checks in the mail from a far away place, as like in another state a few hundred miles away.