*sigh* Love....

hi, im not a very good writer but i want to share my story and experiences i've been through.  I'm 22 years and i just got out of the military about 6 months ago.  my stupid reason for joining- a very attractive recuiter lol.. i know im a retard for that but i can't resisit a man in uniform.  i mean  i knew it was only going to be a one sided relationship but hell, if i was going to join, that meant i was going to be seeing him more often. well i don't regret it at all.  and after boot camp i haven't seen him at all, i kind of already knew this. 

anyway, after boot camp we were assigned a new base where we will be training at to learn our jobs.  waiting at the airport, i met john and and ray.  we were going to be stationed together.  John had beautiful eyes and i can't resisit that either.. but he was that strong silent type.  when we got off the airport we stayed at a hotel together.  the next day we checked into our new command and man did he look good in his tight uniform. 

we were in the same class but we never really talked.  next thing you know we were helping each other study, going grocery shopping together, and for months we shared lunch together.  we were both broke, so what we did for lunch was always tuna sandwiches. i would buy tuna and mayo while he would buy the bread and cheese, then we would switch off.

there is this one night i will always remember.... one of my classmate's father was in town.  and because of the way we were, we took him to the ***** bar.
we had a good time, everyone was drunk and we eventually got kicked out lol.  John was really messed up. we had to help him up to his room and get him ready for roll call.  but after he sober up some, he called me to his room and of course i went.  his room mate was sleeping so we went to the bathroom.  we open up the window and lit up a cigeratte.  then he got really emotional and started crying.  i asked him what was wrong and then he told me he loved me and he couldn't help it.

i was surprised i didn't know what to do or say.. my heart was beating fast the whole time.  i eventually went over to him and i told him that i felt the same way but i didn't say it like i wanted him that way,  i said it as if we were brothers.  i wish i would've told him that i had a crush on him the first time i saw him.  but im an idiot and i lost my chance.

on some drunk nights i would go into his bed and sleep with him, cuddle up and what not.  but somethng changed and we grew apart.  we didn't go grocery shopping or have anymore tuna sandwich lunches anymore.  i really don't now what happend.  and i never asked him why or what made him change, i just let it be.

then one night we got really drunk and their was a fight.  John got punched in the face trying to break up two of his friends fighting.  then he ran outside.  i followed of course.  when i caught up with him, i hugged him and started to cry.  i cried so hard.  then he put his arms around my neck and walked with me to the tennis court, away from our barracks.  we sat down in the middle of the court and im still crying.  he just keeps holding me tight.
i felt loved again and secure in his arms again, we probably stayed out there for a good 30 min like that, just holding on to eachother. 

then things went back to us not really talking to eachother again.  the last time we saw each other was after graduation, waiting for my mom to come pick me up.  i was about to leave then i saw john.  we hugged eachother for the last time then he told me he loved me.  after that i havn't seen him since. thanks for reading.
lorsive lorsive
22-25, M
5 Responses May 5, 2011

Yes, sometimes the best romances can be the bittersweet ones! :) Sad, but true, & you may even treasure this/these more than the romances that went somewhere.

Thanks for all the comments... i would love to see him but i don't even know where he is. Somethings are better left alone. It would be too complicated now, him having a wife and kid, i really don't wanna mess anything up for him

OMG that is so tragic!!! I long for the day for someone to tell me they love me! Maybe yall could just meet up for coffee or something, this story sounds so passionate and sweet, its sad to hear that it just faded like it was never even there!

that happend about almost 3yrs ago. and its very complicated. i heard from a friend that he got married and had a kid so i lost my chance but i eventually got over him thanks for the advice though.. wish i had it back then lol

Why don't you contact him by letter and see if he is open to seeing you. You never know what may happen. Go on, give it a try, you have nothing to loose by trying.