Who Am I? Do I Love Myself???? (my Story)

My name is Bryant, I'm 18 years old and I'm Gay. I want to start my story saying that I've not accepted myself as a gay man. I was born and raised in Dominican Republic. I grew up mainly with my mother's family, my father's family is another story. I had a difficult childhood, full of problems with my parents who are separated, I don't want to say that my mother has the fault but let's say she made things more difficult for everybody; this is another story too. I was bullied in school and in my neighborhood because the way I was (Girly), people used to say that I would be a "***"(They were right). All these problems in my childhood plus the others that came with puberty pushed me into depression when I was about 15. My mother the person who I love the most and hate at the same time could not understand my situation. Things became more complicated for me since I was 13 when I realized but did not accept the fact that I liked men. That was not easy to handle and I did not have anybody that I could talk about this. I hid this secrete for many years until I found a gay find on internet and he encouraged me to tell my father. Eventually I became stronger and gained the courage I needed to do the most difficult thing I have ever done. I told him he accepted me, he hugged me and say "I love you just the way you are" when I heard those words I cried. My coming out process started I had to continue; I told my father to tell my mother (I forgot to say that my mom and my whole family live in D.R. I live here in NY with my stepmother and father), so my father call my mom and told her, she did not know how to react but my aunt helped me talking to her. Even though I'm out of the closet I'm still feeling the pain inside of me. I know I am Gay, I did not want to be like this, I did not chose to be like the as many straight people thing. I want to be happy but it seems to be impossible. I do not feel that I am not the person who I used to be; always happy. I learned to hide my gayness until the point that when I told everybody I was gay they did not believe and even after 2 months from that they still asking me if I am serious. I want to bring the old me back, I feel that I am not happy!!! Please Help

bryantal13 bryantal13
18-21, M
May 24, 2012