My Big Gay Night OutEarlier this year I went on a works night out, and as I work in a different city to where I am from, it meant the chance to try something new. I am still very much in the closet and don't have the courage to come out to any friends or family as of yet. I'm hoping that by writing about my experiences I will eventually be able to gather the strength needed to live my life honestly without keeping such a big secret. I work with a vast number of gay people and many of these were there on the night out. However, I don't really see any of these as close friends, and don't really share much in common with any of them. I am a very straight-acting gay person and get along much better with straight people, so therefore I wouldn't feel comfortable coming out to any of my gay workmates as we're just not that close.
So the night out had been going a few hours and I had quite a lot to drink so was feeling tipsy. And when I have consumed alcohol, I feel a sense of confidence which I don't have when I'm sober. Not the confidence to shout to the world that I'm gay, but that night I had the confidence to wander off from my work friends and go to a gay bar. I had no idea what I planned to do when I got to the gay bar, as I was alone and didn't know anyone. However, at the same time "I was alone and didn't know anyone" so for the first time in my life I thought I'd just be myself. I got talking with a group of gay guys and stayed with them for a while. After a few hours I noticed another guy who was also on his own and he kept catching my eye. We talked and found out we had lots in common and then we kissed, the first time I have ever kissed another guy. I had a brilliant night out but at the end of it the guy disappeared and I have never seen or heard from him again which is quite sad as I really liked him. However, this still doesn't hide the fact that this was one of my best ever nights out, the first and only night out where I could be my self. Hopefully I can have many more nights like this in the future when I finally have the courage to come out, but until then I will always remember my big gay night out!