I'm Gay And Married

i have been married to my wife for almost 20 yrs now as a gay man. i guess you can say i was hidding or denying it but she knew from the start i was gay, she said she could change me back. so for the last seventeen years we have put up with each other for the sake of our kids but that changed yesterday 6-7-12, here how it happend.

i was on my computer reading lgbt news when i saw a message i thought was cute and funny so i grabbed my cell phone to take a picture of it and use it as my wallpaper, my wife saw me do this and asked if i just took a picture of my computer and i said no just the message on it. she asked to see it so i showed it to her it said "lets get one thing straight....I'M NOT!". she said if i'm not straight why are we still married then, now i have been waiting for right time to say something to her about us for a long time and thought this is as a good enough time as any and was waiting for the fight to begin. i said i don't know why anymore you've known since before we married i was gay, you said you could change me, it hasn't happend i'm still gay. for seventeen years i've wanted to leave but i haven't because of the kids. i'm waiting for her to scream and start bitching but she never raised her voice, we talked back and forth to each in a civil manner waiting for the other to finish before responding to what the other had to say. the only demand that was made was made by me, i told her flat out no matter what happens with us as a result of this our daughter was not to be used as a weapon against the other person (she 16.5) my wife agreed and even said if we do spilt up she would want to stay with me. we talked for a half hour or so and agreed to stay married for now but be allowed to start seeing other people for our sexual needs with no strings attatched, neither of us can please the other in bed so we should seek it from someone who can give us what we want. she had to leave for awhile to go clean a house and we could talk some more when she returned, when she came home we did talk some more and then some more after that also. around 7:30 pm i had to take our daughter out to pick up her prom pictures from her dates house over 40 minute away, my wife said she was going to fix herself and our grandaughter something to eat and we could make whatever we wanted when we got home. we got home around 10pm and my wife was getting ready to go to bed so i said goodnight and i would be in much later if at all (we don't sleep together much anymore). i did go to bed around 3am and when i woke up my wife said she had to show me something so i grabbed a cup of coffee and go over to her computer to see what she had to show me, she had gone online to find gay bars in our area so i "could start dating again", i was floored by this simple act, she really wants me to start dating again (her also). just a few hours ago i helped her sign up on a few dating sites and on gays.com (shes bi and came out three wks ago to the kids i've known since we started dating) it was very weird signing my wife up on a site i just joined myself but i did it, now we get to see where this goes from here but at least we both get to be ourselfs doing it. btw our kids are cool with this and think it's about time we thought of ourselfs for once. thanks for reading and take care
greenmonkey17 greenmonkey17
46-50, M
4 Responses Jul 9, 2012

You're so lucky.
I'm in exactly the same position but my wife is so against me being gay (although she knows) that we will be trapped into this prison until one of us dies.
Another complication is her health. If I leave her I am condemning my daughter to a life of looking after her.
So its either me or my daughter and as she still has a life to lead I will stay.

I love this I think its wonderful that you two were able to set everything aside an help each other I hope everything continues to go good for you an your family <3

Deffinately one of the srangest relationships I have ever encountered.

yes it is, all our friends that know about us don't even understand why we married in the first place, it's simple to us but very complicated to an outsider. the worst thing is we really do have feelings for each other, we tried to get a seperations ten years ago but found out we can't live without the other around. we both stopped eating and both of us went through a case of deep depression so we decided to stay together. this time around is different though we both want to start seeing other people, we talk to each other instead of yelling at each other, we are getting ready to get a seperation through the courts but still live with each other. all i can say for our relationship is "what a long strange trip it's been". keep following i'm sure it will get stranger before it's over.

Dd yu ever think it mght be the discovery of your femside that has changed you some and given you the ability to not yell and holler. I know for me the fem in me caused me to become a much softer spoken person.

part of that and part i finally came out for good with no more the "she can change me" lie i've been saying for so long, she can't. i'm gay i've known it for 37 years now it's time the world knows. this time around we both have accepted that fact, there is nothing we can do to change it so now it's time to give in accept it and move on, we both have needs that the other can't take care of, it's not fair to either of us to deny the other of what we need. i'm at peace with myself and my wife.

Nice! Well then enjoy the good life and you and her have all the fun you can. I'm sure you will.

thanks we are going to try.

3/4/2013 still married but now we are back to using sex toys again, alone and with each other. we can deal with each other or accept for no better word but the sex part is where we were having the problem, I can't perform so to speak with a woman no matter how hard I try.

So the dating thing didn't work out? Just wondering. Seemed you had the plan settled. What happened? It sounds as though your situation has returned to a depressing struggle in the sex department again. I hope things work out for you two and you both settle into some common and peaceful agreement.

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read also I Am Married and Coming Out <br />
Guess Who Came Out At Pride Fest 2012 (my wifes coming out)