Why I Came Out

Last fall, I was feeling completely lonely. I had friends in school, people I talked to all the time, a very present family, all that, but still felt alone. I'm sure its a feeling so many of us know. Plenty of people to talk to, but no one to really talk to, aside from complete strangers in chat rooms and what have you.

I had heard from people that once they came out, things changed. People saw them in a different light, and opportunities came up. Sounds logical enough, but required a huge step. By late fall, the feeling of loneliness was just getting so great that it was ruining my life. I put on a happy face to face the world, but inside, and behind closed doors, I was a mess.

So, I just decided to do it. To stop hiding, to come clean... maybe my fortunes would change. Maybe this really great guy would then emerge from the shadows, say he's just like me, we'd hit it off, and all my loneliness/romantic problems would be solved. It was just a matter of how I'd do it. I'm not the type to call attention to myself, and even though I wanted to do this in the worst way, I didn't really want to make a scene (sounds contradictory, but it made sense in my head). I told my closest friends... then changed my Facebook profile. In retrospect, not exactly the best way to do it, but it would do the job, or so I thought.

Well, the next day in school was exactly the same as always. Then the next day. Then that week. Then the next. And next. Not one person treated me any differently, looked at me any differently, said a single thing. While I suppose this isn't a bad thing, given how some people tend to take to this, it seemed to me like no one even cared. I'd have to say that that was even worse than the feeling of being alone.

But one day, this one girl pulled me aside and asked me about it. We chatted a bit, then she gave me a hug. Next thing I knew, a whole bunch of people commented to me, being completely supportive. That was it. I was out.

But that was it. The guy in shining armor didn't show up. In fact, no one showed up. While people knew my secret, they knew the way I was... nothing changed. Absolutely nothing.

All that said... I'm much happier now. Yes, I'm still alone in that sense. I actually have fewer friends now, given that I graduated from school last month. But I'm happy. I suppose that's all that counts. :-)

I guess that's my coming out story. Nothing too special... :-P