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Jun 20th, 2008
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I
always felt like I was different. When all the other boys started noticing girls I was still playing my video games - I just didn't know what was so special about them.
As the time went on I realized that the ones I like aren't girls - but boys.
I though at first that it was just a phase, that perhaps every boy feels like that at one time. I even tried to get myself to like girls. All to no avail.
I admitted it to myself when I was 16. I knew about then that what I feel like can't be changed - that it's there to stay forever. And I got scared. In my country being gay is not only sin, if you're gay you're considered sub-human. No possible penance. I was once told that the only way to "heal" a homosexual is with a bullet through the head.
So that's why I'm hiding it. No one would understand. Not my family or people I go to school with. I dread what would happen if anyone found out.
Because I'm so scared I never acted on my feeling. There were boys I liked and like, but if they'd know how I feel, they would kill me. It's very frustrating knowing that someone you like not only not likes you back but would probably seriously harm you if he ever found out.
The other problem are my parents. I don't know how they would react. When they see gay people on TV they don't throw fits or say how immoral that is. My mother once said it's matter of choice. But what if they knew that their own son was...? They'd send me to a "professional" most likely.
I think they're beginning to doubt. I'm 18 and I never had a girlfriend. Although I'm not really attractive (quite the opposite) so people assume it's because of that. But then again, I seen equally ugly guys with girlfriends. And there's plenty of ugly girls too, so I don't know for how long I can keep this up.
It's just so hard not being able to be who you are in front of people, it's so hard measuring your every word, your every move so that you don't slip up.
If anyone knew my life would be over.
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  | Posted Aug 2nd, 2009 at 2:41PM, last updated Aug 2nd, 2009 at 4:05PM "You can use science to prove whatever you like to a certain extent." No, that would be called "twisting the facts." Presenting concrete evidence to prove something and twisting words and facts are two completely different things. Or, it could mean that there is not sufficient evidence to prove what you are trying to prove. If you were to use scientific evidence to prove two opposing ideas, that would mean that there is not sufficient evidence to call either of the two fact. Actual, CONCRETE evidence can only prove ONE idea.   |
 | Posted Sep 18th, 2009 at 8:34PM Omg im going through the something. ill be 18 next month. ive never had a girlfriend and i also tried to like girls but its not working. like my mom... i just cant explain but i know exactly what you mean when you say you have to hide your true self in front of your friends, what will it be like if they find out. the thing that got me the most was when you said measuring every word, every move so that you don't slip up. If anyone knew my life would be over. i can relate to almost everything your going through |
 | Posted Oct 6th, 2009 at 5:53AM I am not gay and I don't know what life is like to be gay or how it feels to be gay. I do respect people for whatever they are (as long as they are not harming the lives of others) What's important is that you have to be happy and comfortable with the choices you made for yourself. |
 | Posted Oct 21st, 2009 at 12:06PM PRAY!! to turn from this bad lifestyle. Just because someone is born with a bad heart, it doesn't mean it can't be fixed! Just because you have those feelings, doesn't mean they can't be changed! I'll keep you in my prayers! |
 | Posted Oct 21st, 2009 at 3:05PM Ha! A bad heart!!!? ******* for real? Being gay has nothing to do with evil. I am gay and I am a totally normal human being I go to work ,I pay my taxes, I support local fund raisers, and I drink goats blood and dance naked around a fire.. You made me puke a little 'godblessoursoldiers' guess what I am roman catholic and attended a catholic school my entire young life. I believe God makes no mistakes so I must not be one of them and neither are you Saigo. Good luck and remember you have just as much right to enjoy life as anyone! |
 | Posted Nov 1st, 2009 at 3:27PM, last updated Nov 1st, 2009 at 3:31PM My mom is always in the company of gay men because of her line of work. She is an interior decorater. She respects and admires their creativity. I'm heterosexual, but both of my parents instilled in me from a very young age tolerance of lifestyles different from our own. You say that your sexual orientation is a sin in your country. Well, I live in the US and there is discrimination here to .....especially in Northeast Texas. Northeast Texas is a hotbed of hatered against blacks, immigrants, gays, hispanics, etc. Grand Saline, TX is a Ku Klux Klan safe haven.Always remember, God loves everyone..........EVERYONE!!........even a pot smoker like me. Don't let those 'holier than thou' people try to make you a SINNER...........only you have the power to that.....danilo |
 | Posted Nov 22nd, 2009 at 8:56PM I welcome you if you are my family or my friend I have a few friends that are gay, i even had friends that were men that dressed like giirls i didnt judge i just treated them like they were people and myfriends ive had girl friends that dressed like guys or tomboys life is hard enought lets love and embrace others. i dont understand if being gay is a chooice or what its not up to me to judge, ive had a hight school friend he was gay i knew it befor he came out and hes still my friend it didnt matter to me who he was or his lifes mates were he was and still is a good friend this world is full of too much pain and hate ,its time we love each other we may not agree with the thier mates but i dont care what people do in thier s ex lifes just dont hurt kids or anmales live and let live . +2 nods |
| Posted Nov 23rd, 2009 at 9:03PM, last updated Nov 23rd, 2009 at 9:04PM Right on lunnas!! I don't think it's a choice though. I mean, you and I didn't choose to be heteros....we just knew it....right?? Now imagine if the whole world was gay and all the Christians kept telling us it's a choice. And, that we can be gay if we choose to be. The only choice we really have is to accept and embrace those different than ourselves. Kudos to you......You ROCK!!....danilo |
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