Second Post. Second Problem....I am a gay 12 year old, who recently identified as bisexual. This post is meant to highlight most of the problems in my life not just sexual ones. Okay, so for those who read my previous post I finished summer school and now working on a writing and 2d animation/directing art thingy that I am making myself do. (Hoping to get the literate part published too:) So I when I was in summer school at the high school that my mom works at I met some new people. I got really into x-country and track & field and met a (straight :( guy.But I did meet a gay guy named Ethan. He was really nice, although not my type. He was a glass closet case because he was so feminine. So he made friends with the two girls that I went to school with, Sydney and Sabine. They don't know I'm gay, but we all hung out together and this one blonde girl comes along and starts pretending she knows me. She does it again later when I bump into her in the hall. She brings us against a locker and continues this rythmic annoying voice of "OOh Hi, Jaaackiiee!" Remember I don't even know her. I tell her to f uck off, but she continues to do this whenever I come across her. So we become friends and it turns into an inside joke. Long forgotten, I assumed she was trolling me. So then later Ethan tells me that Mary is doing it for attention and she actually really liked me. I felt like blurting out to Ethan that I couldn't cuz I was gay, but I didn't. So I go to class with my full-year homeroom teacher of last year, Mr. Galvin. Let me just say this, I have a very variant relationship with Galvin. One time my friends were goofing off and they decided the want to m asturbate in the school bathroom stalls. They weren't horny they just wanted to impress each other, I guess, with "who won't p ussy out and tell" They found that they couldn't get an erection and they needed some p orn. I was the wingman to go to Sabine's backpack and get her phone. But it was pass word protected and I was asking them if they knew the passcode. At this moment Mr. Galvin walked by and noticed me. My friends backed away as I was scared stiff. You know that feeling of deep regret... Like you just shouldn't, in hell, do what you just did. Well, peer pressure got the best of me and I did it. It led up to a painfully akward conversation in which Galvin forcefully asked why. I didn't answer and he repeated. The truth is, I didn't know why. I was servicing my idiot friends and in myself being an idiot. I was gay, I had no motivation to watch straight p orn. So why did I mess with her stuff? Impossible for me to answer. I told Sabine immediately, and she was angry at first but we made up the day afterwords. I explained to Galvin that the phone was already out of the bag and that I didn't violate the privacy of her backpack. Nonetheless I did for the phone though. Later on, someone named Nelson called Sabine a s lut. She got very defensive as having suffered sexual harassment like this before and went to Galvin. Nelson panicked and came up with the excuse that "people have said worse to her." Galvin insisted on names and he threw the first two that came into his head. Will and Jack Miller. Me and Will talked to Mr.Galvin. While it's true that Will has called Sabine a s lut before, that was resolved. I, on the other hand, have never done anything to harm Sabine except for the phone incident. Galvin was skeptical of my claim and told me how intelligent I was. But it wasn't a compliment. He said that I have been demonstrating reckless behavior and I don't try hard enough. He implied that I was a waste. I was wasting my intelligence and that I could be such a leader but I've missed my chance. "You've lost it like an unpolished star." According to him I was failing to demonstrate proper conduct and my grades and reputation are affected. He told that to both of us. Will and I. The son of a b itch didn't even know. He just repeated that like a robot failing to sing into an answering machine. I think he knows I am gay. For some reason. It angered me that he said this even though I did nothing wrong to Sabine. She said so herself. Later on he gave a lecture to the class about anti-bullying and kept implying that I was using the fact that my grandma died as an excuse. I talked to him about it and I was so angry that he could use something like that against me, even though I did nothing wrong. I am going back to school in 20 days and am sooo excited. For two reasons; One: Every year there are 4 or 5 new kids. say 3 of them are boys. That means that the chances that one of them is gay is increased. (Just gotta get out my handy ten-sided gaydar die since 1 in 10 people are gay) Two: I can't wait to tell Sydney that I am gay. I desperately need to come out to somebody. What should I do? How will she react? what's your advice? Another problem I have is my dad and my brother finding out that I am gay. My brother is homophobic and telling my dad i'm gay is right up there on the list with being nice to Galvin. But, unfortunately things don't always go the way you plan them. So I was watching 28 Days Later and there is a fully nude guy in the opening scene. My dad joked that I was expecting like naked chicks when I saw the nudity warning. "Kinda a bummer 'eh?!" he said. Heterosexism is offensive sometimes. So when he leaves the house I start watching a documentary on gay culture. Later on we all decide we want to watch alien. So he goes to search it up on the tv and guess what shows up on recent searches right in front of my dad and brother. "Gay?" He says in a disgusted voice, "You guys searched for gay?!" Both me and my brother grumble" it wasn't me" and I got this feeling that It was all slipping through my fingers and I had to be careful. I can't tell the wrong people. I knew that they would be supportive, but for me it was falling apart. I just have to remind myself that they don't know yet. I really want a gay guy to come to my school because I know that 12 is too young to have a boyfriend, but god damn it I deserve one!
PyroJack588 13-15, M 13 Responses 5 Aug 9, 2012