Growing Up Gay

My mom and dad always raised me to be a strong Christian man. To always keep faith. I have Aunts and Uncles who are Pastors. Sundays were dedicated to church and weds were youth group. Most of this started in the 6th grade. I was highly involved in my youth group. A lot of people looked up to me. I was so full of life and outspoken. At times crazy and loving. My heart to big for my chest.
But it all changed...

My neighbor invited me to take a weeks vacation with him. The summer before 7th grade to his grandparents house. It was a little over 6hrs away. I was very close to this guy. We would hang out everyday all day. He was the typical Blonde hair blue eyed god, or at least in my eyes he was. At school he was always the popular one. Getting invited to party's... yet I was the friend. The tag along. But I never minded. His grandparents were retired and lived on a lake. We took there boat out one day. I remember being all wet and seeing water drip off his body. My eyes couldn't get off him. And he knew it.

His grandparents volunteered once a week at the retirement place up the street. So we were not aloud to leave there house. Two young teen boys can only do so much when they are board. He had this crazy idea that we should play truth or dare. And of course I gave in. As he brushed his beautiful locks out of his eyes he had this cute *** smirk only to give a clue that he knew what I wanted. We started off with small gestures. I dare you to eat something gross. Than it turned into I dare you to get naked. All the way up to I dare you to jerk me off. I never went down on a guy until that day, but it came so natural! I loved it and so did he.

There we were back home. It seems like we fooled around a lot after that. On top of me liking his hard member in my mouth i also started liking him. We never had sex because it just didnt go that far. To young to realize I think. I knew this wouldn't fly over with the church... so there I was living a double life. He would never admit he liked me like I liked him. Which slowly killed me. A year flew by and I was dealing with who I was. I talked my parents into dying my hair black. I also took a love for skateboarding. I wore torn skinny jeans and band tee's to school. 7th grade year in school was hell. Other kids would make fun of me slurring *** or Queer. But I got really good at skatboarding and that helped pass the year. I confessed to my youth pastor i was gay... I needed someone to talk to. "He promised he wouldnt tell". It wasnt long before I met a guy my age on xanga. I know that was stupid but I had no one else. This guy was the same as me gay... My neighbor and I started going our own paths in life. We never stopped being friends we just grew apart. He played sports and started getting girls. while I kept to myself. I spoke with the mysterious guy online for months.
Which came down to this one night!

He lived close so I invited him over to stay. I knew he was more "out" than I was. When he showed up my parents were at work. I snuck him inside. They thought I was having a guy over from school. He was cute but flaming. Tight jeans with flowers glittered on them. a bright yellow tee to tight for his skinny body. He wore a dash of foundation and a pinch of eye shadow. He was cute but not my type. Face it I was only 13 did I really have a type. When my parents got home they realized how he was. and how I was. they immediatley took him home. It was late. The whole car ride him and I sat in the back seat. We didn't talk because it was awkward. I mean what do you really say. We wrote messages back and forth to each other on his cell phone. He told me he liked me. And I liked the feeling he gave me. I held his hand tightly in the car. He squeezed mine back. But I think he was more worried for me. What they would do to me. He unlike me was out of the closet and his family didn't care. He made me felt special. More special than any girl I had ever dated.

My parents forbid him to ever speak to me again. Told him to forget about me. Said to me they are going to get me help. He looked at them with discussed. As he told me to hang in there and we will talk again. They informed me they were going to change me. My dad told me the youth pastor told them weeks ago but they didnt believe it till now. Told me how sickened they were.

There I was pulled out of public school. I did online school for the next 2 years. I spent one year in Christian counseling. 4 days a week 1 hour a day. It was supposed to change me. But all it did was make me bitter. I hated my parents every day for this. I wondered how God would ever let this happen. I never understood why it was wrong. They took my door off the frame. So they could see my every move. It took awhile for me to even be able to leave the house again. Once I got any freedom it came months almost a year later and all I was able to do was go running around the block by myself of course on a timed schedual. There I was a controlled puppet tied down.

This is part one. Let me know what you think.:)







thepersonallife thepersonallife
22-25, M
1 Response Jan 7, 2013

Brandy no worries nowi lived through this all. It was over 8 years ago now. Thank you. :)