I'm Gay And I'm Falling In Love With My Best Friend.

This is probably going to be the millionth story like this on here but god dammit I want to share my story anyway.

Ever since the first day I met him I liked him. He's funny, nice, weird, a really great guy He's really fun to be around. I can't explain why I like him. All I can say is that when I'm around him, he just makes me really happy.

He also knows about my crush on him, and he's really cool with it. He'd watch gay **** with me or initiate lots of physical contact like wrestling or tickling me without me ever really doing anything. You could say its like a gay guys dream. For their straight guy crush to not mind at all and not feel awkward to be this touchy/feely around a gay guy who has feelings for them. But still after all... he is straight. We've talked about it, hell, I've even cried on his shoulder about it. But yeah... he is straight. Anyways thats not the problem of this story. I've already told him I really like him and he took it really well.

Heres the problem.

Everything was just fine until last month....

A while ago I introduced this guy to my best friend, a girl. And we hung out every single weekend. They would both come over to my place and we would watch movies together, hang out and sleepover. Sounds good right? Me, my crush and my best friend all hanging out together every weekend, having a great time.

It doesn't turn out so well actually... The guy starts developing feelings for the girl, and same with the girl to the guy. I was scared as hell, I didn't want them to go out. It would make me really upset for obvious reasons. They both knew about my feelings for the guy. But eventually they did go out... Ever since then I've always been feeling kind of depressed. That theres some kind of empty void in me that no one could fill besides him. I have been single and lonely my entire life and the only person who doesn't make me feel so is him. And seeing him going out with my best friend kills me inside. I've cried so much because of it.

It just hurts me so much I don't know why, and why should it? I mean he is straight after all. I mean right? All I know is this guy makes me happy, happier than I've ever been before in my life. And to see him going out with a girl, not just any girl my best friend. It kills me inside. I think about this guy everyday. I smile whenever he texts or calls me. I get really excited when I know he's coming over. And when I make him laugh or smile, I feel like a million bucks.

And its getting even worst too... Ever since they started going out. My feelings for this guy have actually started growing stronger. It's at a point where I could even say I love him. But he's like an older brother to me. I don't want to mess this up. Our friendship was almost ruined once because I liked him. And now whenever we hang out the three us... It's not fun anymore... I actually feel uncomfortable sitting in the same room as them two now. Those fun weekends of watching movies and hanging out are gone now.

I consider the guy I have a crush on to be my best friend. But I'm scared that I'm losing him. Before they started going out, I used to talk to him every single day on skype for hours and hours. We would watch the same shows on Netflix together and stay up all night together just talking about random things.

We dont have skype conversations anymore... we don't watch shows together anymore. We used to have great conversations together, but now when I try to talk to him... he doesn't really reply as well anymore, or as often. Sometimes he doesn't even reply at all to my messages. Things feel different between us... I feel like I've lost my best friend ever since he started going out with her. I'm not being paranoid or imagining things either. Things have been different between us. Looking at conversations before and after they started dating. You can see the difference. Sometimes I would go reread our old conversations and it just makes me want to cry, to see how much our friendship has downgraded.

I like this kid so much. I think about him all the time and I care the world for him. I'm just really scared of losing him...

I miss us... I miss the old us... I just want us to talk again.. like the way we used too. Back to when you sounded like you actually wanted to talk to me... Back when everything was fine in my life.

Thank you for reading my story if you did. Feel free to leave any feedback comments or advice whatever. I'll read them. Enjoy the rest of your day.
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 9, 2013

You have just told my story, i am in that exact same situation, except i have told him how i feel and he is going to ask out a girl, it kills me to know i cant do anything about it, this is same down to the details of the messages

I know how you feel. Minus some of the reciprocation, this was my life a few years back. Stay strong. Know that your worth isn't determined by him. Let him explore, but let him know that you're there for him as a friend (even if you want more, those feelings get better over time, I promise).