The Never Accepting Family

I came out to my family almost exactly a year and a month ago. Actually more like outed by my older sister. I was afraid to come out in the first place because my family is so religious (seventh day Adventists). I knew they weren't going to take the news well, but I never expected things to go as sour as this past last year has been. I remember, the day I told my sister. I had already told my 20 cousins and they couldn't be more happy for me or accepting. She was the only one left to tell from the younger generation in our family. When I told her, I had my two cousins there for support which made me feel comfortable. So I told her, and at first she didn't believe me. Then she started crying and saying how I'm not going to be able to see her in heaven anymore and she SWORE that she wouldn't tell our mom because we both knew it would break her heart. Now, this all happened during my final months of senior year, so I was studying for finals. That very night after I told her, it was a school night, I was awoken at 3 am by my mother who was standing over me crying in pure agony as if someone had died. I asked her what's wrong and all she said "Tell me its not true." I looked down and said "I can't because it is." She clenched her fists and tightened her eyes and her tears just kept rolling down her face. She was angry and heartbroken all at the same time. From that moment on, my life would never be the same. The things I went through in just a matter of a year, is enough to drive anyone crazy and to suicide. The saying "Youre stronger than you think" really came into play during this time. I was kicked out of my house God knows how many times. I slept in friends cars, trampolines, park benches, snuck into fronds houses to sleep the night and straight up grass. And my mom called the police every time telling them that I ran away. Even thought she refused to open the door for me to let me into the house. There was one incident where I went to my cousins house to borrow some shoes before school. Her mom was so pissed off at me for what I was doing to my mom. Because everything was and still is my fault. So her mom started yelling at me saying I have my own shoes at my own house and at this point I just couldn't take it so I told her to leave me alone. According to her I was being disrespectful and this was a good enough excuse to bear claw me across my face and leave a permanent scar from my ear to my mouth. I went to school that day looking like I was just hit by a car. My face was bloody and dripping everywhere. The social worker saw me and immediately called the police and had her arrested. That just made my family even more angry at me. Forget the fact that she attacked me because the fact that she was in jail and again it was MY fault, was way worse than her assist towards me. I had to move out for a month into my girlfriends aunts house. I was a nomad. Moving from house to house. Why? Because I am gay. I contemplated suicide so many times. The only thing that was able to keep hope alive within me was my girlfriend who has been with me since the VERY beginning. Anyone else would have abandoned me. But she, she stayed. As I write this right now, I'm listening to my mom and sister cry in the next room about this situation. It's been a constant, none stopping thing. Thankfully I am moving out in 5 months. The guilt they try to place on me just isn't fair. And what makes me sad is knowing they will NEVER accept me. Not even tolerate me. People say just give then time. No. Time isn't what they need. I know my family. They will never accept me. I'm faced with the toughest decision anyone could face. Leave the love of my life and live a life of lies just to make my family happy or live my life honestly without my family. Well I've chosen to be happy. And I wish with all my heart I could share my happiness with them, but they only see it as lust. I still love them surprisingly after all they have put me through. I just wish there love was unconditional. It pains my heart so badly. It will never get better with my never accepting family.
An Ep User An EP User
3 Responses Jan 20, 2013

Yes, coming out is hard; it's tough. I am 33 I have been "doing this gay thing" since I was 17. My family kicked me out at first but now they are VERY accepting. My mom, as she calls them, "loves the gay fellas" I am friends with, haha! However, what you can do is be humble, this should preserve your family. You've told them, if they don't EVER accept, it will be painful of course, but my boyfriend's family hates the fact he is a Democrat but tolerates the fact he is gay...so, we don't talk about politics with them. What you may have to do - for only a little while, hopefully - is accept the fact they don't accept you & just not talk about "it." You have cousins whom accept you, so that's a start!!!

You are not alone. There is help available. Contact lambda.org or The GLBT National Help Center Youth Talkline. It is for teenagers who are having trouble while coming out. (800) 246-7743. I do not know where you live, but I hope this helps. There may be local GLBT resources available. Talk to a school counselor, or a social worker at a nearby hospital.

Stay strong! You are an incredible person just for making it through this ordeal while still accepting yourself. Thank you so much for sharing your story.