Save Me From My Self

hi everybody, i'm an algerian young man, i'm 20 years old, a student and i'm ashamed to say it but i'm gay.
i had never have a relationship or sex relationship with anybody in my life, because it is my biggest secret.

in august 2012, i met a man on chatroulette, he is from usa ,he is gay too.i told him about my secret, we love eachother, and he is my first love .
when i skype with him, i always cry because i want to be with him, so i'm always sad and depressed....i don't eat, i don't focus in my study i always think about him, i always cry in my room, i'm worried about my mind.

he can't travel for me because of some raisons, so i have to do it me.but i don't have money to buy a visa even to pay for a holiday....

and to make this pain stop, i made to biggest and the hardest dicision in my life ;in august 31 , 2014 if i still faraway from him ,i will kill my self, i can't live with such biggest pain in my heart , i miss him so much....
i know that my family and friends will be hurted,but if i'll be alive the only one person who is hurted is me , so i don't have a choice....." to be happy or not to be".
I do my best to join him and save my life, i am ready to be a genius for that and ready to be married with an american girl so i can go, i'm ready to do crazy things for my life.

i want to save my life...i'm confused....i need help
hurtedboy hurtedboy
18-21, M
2 Responses Jan 29, 2013

There are so many things to say. I wish I knew how to say them. I am also from the USA and I do not know you but you should not be ashamed to be gay. I know this feeling after talking to someone and feeling so sad. I do not know much about your country but maybe you could find more friends where you live. Do you have plans to move to the USA to be with him? Suicide should never be an answer. You don't know me and I don't know you. I just joined this kind of from mistake but I feel sad to hear your story. I am happy you wrote it though but also sad about suicide because you never know what can happen in the future. You may find someone close or you may move etc.
I don't know the time difference but if you feel like talking say hi. I am 33 by the way. I have a photo on Facebk my name is davin Atencio :)

first i want to thank you for your comment, i realy feel happy for having help^for you, i felt you are a friend of me......thank you...
there's a lot of person on facebook with theire profile "davin atencio" , just describe your pic, so i can found you... :) i will tell you first "hi".......

please come to terms wirh ur sexuality! Dont give up on life so often the first time with a guy can lead to a fixation on him. but true love will come xx