In the Closet

Not me. If you are gay, be gay. If you are bisexual, be bisexual. The worst thing you can be is a hypocrite or someone who hides from himself.

thanks for your comment

I think you're not hiding from yourself anymore since you're facing it and looking for support in this page. Congratulations :D

I don't know what to do in your place though... I won't ask you why did you get married because its pointless now. Just undertake whatever path that seems the correct and never feel discouraged.

you are facing it but, have not come to a decision on what to do yet!

i am like you - i have little doubt that I am gay, but I am married to a woman - she knows all about me, so no secrets. I do call myself 'bi" as i have had sex with women ... I love sex with other guys - not so much with women, and I have strong feelings of affection for my wife ... so am I gay or bi or ... is it really important? Do as you desire, especially if it doesnt hurt someone else - life's too short not to enjoy it as much as you can. my thoughts

When I was 16 years old I had a quick affair with my boyfriend.
I tried to suppress my homosexual feelings and got married (BIG MISTAKE) I have 3 daughters. We got a divorce after 12 years of marriage.
I finally excepted my homosexuality and life got better but it took many years.
No I am retired and live with my partner of 21 years in FL.
Good Luck Happy BIBottom

I was married at 24. Had two children. Came out at 37 to my wife and family. I understand what you are going through. It was not at easy thing to do but something that had to be done. I don't regret coming out for a second. I have a good relationship with both my children and am very happy. Good luck.

My cousin had the exact same experience. Unfortunately, he died after using amyl nitrate one night whilst having sex with his man and was found dead at the scene. This is how his wife and children found out.

You are gay, and that is wonderful. Embrace it. I know you probably love your wife, but not in the way you could love a man.

The only option you should have is to leave her. Do not cheat. You have no idea what impacts this will have and how much damage you will do.

I am happy to talk about this more if you ever want to.

I am a gay man who was married but who was really gay. I have children and grandchildren and it has not been easy. I am not your "typical gay man" I am a man who has had totally different experiences than other gay men. Even after coming out and dealing with tons of stuff I am way different than most gay men. I am happy and that is what matters for me.

May you find happiness.

Harry

In 1970, I came out of the closet. I told my Roman Catholic parents and was banished from the home. For ten years, I lived a fantastic gay life of dancing the weekends away at the many gay discos of Chicago and sitting through too many "drag" shows of that era. I worked and studied hard in school and built a decent life for myself in spite of the fact that I had no support from my family. My first lover died by suicide. My second lover was offered a terrific opportunity out of the country and I didn't want to follow him. I love America and really didn't want to leave. So, I was alone. I began volunteering at a Roman Catholic church in my neighborhood. I shared with a priest that I was lonely and unsure about what to do with my life. I let him convince me that my gay feelings would change. He urged me to marry my best friend (a woman). We married, had two wonderful daughters, and couldn't stand each other after five years. She was always suspicious of me. If I looked at a man, she argued with me about what I was looking at. She was always accusing me of being unfaithful. I never was. So, we divorced. It was hardest on the girls, because they grew up blaming their father for all of their troubles. No matter that 40% of my income went into child support and alimony. Twenty years later, my ex-wife and I are such good friends that we now live together as roommates. It is a win/win deal for us because she has serious health problems and needs assistance and I am able to live with very few monthly expenses. I now live an authentic life, have terrific friendships, and at 55 years old can still attract a man for sex. My lover died a few years ago from complications due to AIDS. He was such a great source of strength. There is nothing better than that person who you love and who understands what makes you tick. In retrospect, I wouldn't change a thing. But, I still believe that that priest was a very ignorant man. And, I left the Roman Catholic church for good in the mid-1980s. Any church that considers us "objectively disordered" doesn't deserve our financial donations and participation, in my opinion.

There are many gay men married to women. I've known quite a few over the years. Unfortunately, we live in a homophobic and sexually ignorant society. People love to talk about "values" today, but the real problems stem from not understanding the sexual nature of our lives (gay or straight). Professionally, I've spent my life in education. I've seen so many troubles in the lives of teenagers and adults. So much of it is the product of the inability to understand that sexuality is an innate condition that cannot and will not change. Ask your heterosexual friends when they decided to become heterosexual. They will usually not be able to answer the question because just like homosexuality it just is. I'm sure that everyone reading this knows that sexuality is a constant throughout life. I knew when I was five years old that I didn't quite perceive things like the other boys. By the time I was ten, I knew that I could care less about the mini-skirts on girls. The other boys got excited during that era, but I just couldn't seem to get it. By the time I was sixteen and had sex with a man down the street, I totally understood that I was homosexual. It took a few years for me to discover the gay life.

I think that you have to be authentic whether you stay in your marriage or not. You should definitely find other gay men to socialize with at least. And, a frank discussion with your wife will probably make things easier for her, too. She should also be free from the angst that comes from living with someone who has difficulty finding happiness within your marriage.