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I'm Gay...and I Hate It

I am a 16 year old who is secretly gay.  The religion I belong to, and firmly believe in, says homosexuality is wrong, yet I'm gay.  I don't want to be, and I feel as though there is something wrong with me.  I have been blessed with an unusual amount of intelligence and a good education, but I would give it all away to get rid of my gayness.  My parents philosophy is basically leave the homosexuals alone, and don't ever say anything negative to them, just know that such a way of life is wrong.  My mother is under the impression that there must be something wrong in their DNA, a genetic problem, and I have to agree, because if it was a choice, I wouldn't be gay.

SixteenHurts SixteenHurts 18-21, M 32 Responses Sep 29, 2009

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trust me. its not your fault your gay. im gay and christian and im proud of it.

sweetheart your not gay in a manly sense its the catholic church that won't let you experience sex for yourself just those people themselves that want the whole pie and ice cream store to go with it. please forgive yourself for wanting to be in love with something more than the catholic church even let on about believe I know how slanderous the catholic church can pray to god to forgive the ones for wanting to be loved not just gay by any other name but his unholiness the pope the father of all evil in this world

You probably have no clue who I am, but take it from somebody who has been there - you can have the best of both worlds. Don't focus so much on labeling yourself as much as being fun and who you are. Learn to just let loose and not worry about what people think, and just try to be in the moment yet considerate of those around you. Sometimes it's best to "say it" without actually saying, I'm gay. When you are around friends who aren't so judgemental, don't worry if you look at a guy you are attracted to, that's cool and he want to be more than friends! But don't rush it, let enjoy life as it comes to you! If you are bothering him and he's like "eww quite staring" or "give me some space", just play it off in a joking manner so the person doesn't start feeling uncomfortable. Always do what makes you feel confident and keeps you smarter than your situation.

Okay. Let's set you on the right path and read this carefully and completely.
Leviticus 18:22 is often quoted - Man shall not lie with another man as a woman. However, the next verse also states that man shall not lie with any beast. The next verse states that a female shall not lie with any beast. What is the connection of these verses? If you notice, I didn't write a verse here that says woman shall not lie with another woman as a male. Because, a woman cannot lie with another woman as a male. A woman cannot physically, with her body, PENETRATE another female. That's probably why it is not written in scripture anywhere. But, a woman can be physically penetrated by a man and/or a male beast. A male can physically penetrate a beast and a male can be penetrated by a male animal beast. All of these involve penetrative sex. These are the defined acts of forbidden pleasures - and not the forbidding of pleasure. God didn't send His son Jesus to the Cross for PERFECT PEOPLE! While Jesus walked this earth, He didn't hang out with PERFECT PEOPLE either! Free yourselves from the labels. For those others who try to force labels upon you, you tell them to GO TO HELL! Because, what you feel inside for another person - male or female, only means that you are HUMAN! It is not an indictment of anything else. Every scripture in the Bible that speaks of Homosexuality, sexual sin or immorality is defined in those verses in Leviticus. The Bible interprets itself. Remember that.

We wouldn't even have straight, bi, gay issues if the Puritans, when they set foot on American soils hadn't established, by their own self-righteousness the notion that societal "purity" could earn God's Grace or that society being blessed, meant adhering to a strict man-made doctrine of supressing emotions in general and pleasure being demonized as selfish. This has filtered through the Americas from generation to generation to the point that people are afraid of themselves and each other and it pits people against one another. If you notice, when you here stories of homosexuals in other countries being imprisoned or killed, it is because they were caught participating in the act of sodomy. Not simply because they were homosexual as our media neglects most times to include in such reports. Fact of the matter is we are all God's children. He loves us all unconditionally and His Son's Jesus' work at the Cross, where the Divine exchange took place - Our Sin for His Righteouness - destroyed any barrier that stood and stands between humankind receiving the fullness of God's Love. Human beings didn't invent love. God did! If you view something as dirty and sinful, you will do such things out of guilt and condemnation. It's not the condemnation that comes from God, because He sent His Son to a Cross to redeem you - For Jesus Was Condemned in your place and it IS FINISHED! Live your life. God isn't mad at you or anyone else. God paid a big price that you'd be welcome into His family. You receiving the fullness of God's love is based on His grace and not your obedience, your guilt, nor your self-hatred and shame. For if you believe that Jesus Christ died and paid the price for ALL of your sins, past, present, and future - your belief equals obedience. Faith in what Christ accomplished at the Cross is obedience.

If you are gay, live your life that way now. This is not coming from an out and proud gay man, this is coming from someone 30+ years farther down the road from where you are. Life is good, but I have been lost out on so much because other people think that be gay is wrong and ungodly.<br />
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I would like to comment on the sc<x>ripture that other people have commented on in this post. This time I will allow the bible to be used as a common fr<x>ame reference, normally both parties must believe in the reference to be used in a discussion, I will allow it here. Keep in mind, that much of the old testament was written by a group of people that believe, to this day, that they are God's chosen people and that everyone else is a dog (Jesus himself used that analogy). Before much was known about how and why the birth of a child took place, it was common in other world religions for high priests to believe that a god could be created by men having anal sex with other men. If you keep that in mind maybe some of the sc<x>riptures in Leviticus that people use against gay people makes more sense. Of course, there is always the wearing of more than one type of fabric in a garment and walking over 100 paces on the sabbath - there are actually sensible reasons why the leaders trying to control the masses put forth these laws. But death, from a loving God - you decide.<br />
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You are who you are and you cannot change that. I don't like being gay. Why? Because my friends, family, society and my religion constantly enforced that it was disgusting and wrong the entire time I was growing up. Who would want that? Of course, I don't like being gay. People constantly get confused by their identity if they are told a lie again and again. Many people do not like their race because of a skewed perception of reality given to them by other people that they have listened to. It works both ways, some people think too much of their race because they believe themselves to be superior, smarter or better looking. Check out any race you like, there is nothing uniquely consistent about any of us, we are all alike. The shame and the arrogance has to go. Be proud of who you are, that is difficult because all of those around you are brain-washed and most will not change their mind. Those would truly love you will continue to do so, if there is a change they never really did love you. And don't fall for that line, " I still love you, I just don't agree with your lifestyle." They can educated themselves if they like, you can help them if they like. If not, move on and love yourself, life goes by quickly, love now. Don't worry about family, or the bond that people try to enslave you with by saying something like, "blood is thicker than water", don't really know what that means. But I do know that when people use that phrase, look out, there is a good chance that someone is about to try and manipulate or control you through guilt. Love is love, true love needs no other connection than itself. Dear goodness, I wish more people that claim to be Christians read Corinthians 13, the love chapter.<br />
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Move on from those who hate you, if they hate what you are and who you are, they hate you. Move on and live a rich life, it will be much richer finding one good friend or lover that accepts everything about than to have a "family" of 100 who don't accept you and that are always praying that you will change. Shame on them, I know that most of them should look inward first. Remember that when Jesus said, "he that is without sin cast the first stone" everyone laid down their stones. Even without something like the Bible to tell us, we already know that no one can truly point fingers.<br />
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Carpe Diem, seize the day and live it to its fullest. Move on, those that love you will follow, the others that don't accept you are baggage and life is too short for other's baggage, we all have enough of our own.

HI , I can pretty much relate to your story, Im gay too, coming from an environmentally religious surroundings and had gone through an intense religious studies. Im also intelligently gifted too compare to my other brother. I cant say a lot about your condition, i cant even get through this myself, My prayer and hope for this past 2 years (im 21) is that God would take my life me as soon as possible, I dont do suicide, not my thing, but I dont really think I could handle the pressure of my environment for that long. I know a lot of people say that I have to think that im perfect the way I am, and I should be proud of who I am, it's not that easy you know when you are living pretty much by yourself and no one really knowing your condition. the picture of me living all by myself really scare me. dont get me wrong, Im very ambitious, smart and I have awesome grade and active in many organization. but yeah, I hope God would take my life as soon as possible.

That is so sad seeing what the others have done to our society by brain-washing them and having you believe that you have done something wrong or that you'll be alone. I understand and I won't say that it will get better. It won't if you do nothing. Accepting is a very difficulty part of the process that others make us go through because of what we are caused to fear from being born. Remember the stages: DABDA, Denial,anger,bargaining,depression and acceptance. If you are in the depression stage and it certainly sounds like you are, hold on, with the right words and right people around you - acceptance is at your door step. That doesn't mean it will be easier, you just won't feel the way you do now and hopefully you can enjoy life as the person that God made you to be.

Please read Built4comforts response to sixteen hurts post on this subject. My friend, God loves you

To start off, I want to say that there is definately nothing wrong with you... I grew up in your exact same situation. I was born in Salt Lake City, Utah into a Mormon home in case you are unfamiliar with Mormonism, they are not very accepting of homosexuality at all. Their doctrines preach that it is an "abomination". I was pretty sheltered when I was young, so I didn't really reccognize what the feelings I was having even were till I was older, but looking back in retrospect, it is clear to me that I was gay at a very young age. I was probably 16 when I realized that I was gay, it wasnt a choice as I'm sure you know, but a realization of what I was. I had always done my best to live the statutes presented by my church, and had served in the leadership of my quorums since I recieved the LDS preisthood at the age of 12, it felt wrong to me and was extremely hurtful that after living a life of purity, and after doing the very best that I could to live my life in a way that was appealing to God, that suddenly I was guilty of one of the worst sins that you can commit in mormonism. It seemed grotesquely unfair that I was going to be damned for something that I had absolutely no control over, and believe me- I tried everything to switch my sexual orientation. I went to see a therapist, talked to my bishop, and prayed night after night to be made heterosexual so that I could be accepted by god and his church. It wasn't until years later that I began to doubt that the God I was praying to even existed. I don't mean to be imposing or suggest that what you believe in is wrong, I just didn't believe that God would create anyone this way, and the only explanation that I can see to get around this is that there must not be a god at all. I know that I was born this way, it was never a choice for me to be gay, but if your going to be happy, the best thing you can do is to realize that you are PERFECT just the way you are. Just be yourself, durring my time trying to deny my own sexuality I read and researched everything that I could find on the subject from scientific journals, multiple religious factions, and other accessable sources. From what I have read, Homosexuality is natural and there are many, many accounts of it occuring in nature, it is an unchangeable part of who a person is and the people who have undergone therapy for it to try to change their orientation always come away with the same feelings that they started with, but either realize that this is who they are meant to be, or feel worse about themselves. I am happy to say that I do believe in god today, but I believe that he did create me the way I am... he created me to be this way and I am a perfect creation from a perfect creator, everyone is created to be exactly what they are. Striving to be something you're not is a waste of your time. because god created you to be a perfect YOU! just the way you are. I hope that you find happyness in this life and come to recconcile with who you are. Even though I do not know you personally, I do feel a great sense of closeness to you, I have been where you are and the best thing you can remember is that you are loved by the people that really matter no matter what. I really really hope you can learn to love yourself for who you are, and when you do, I hope that your life is full of the kind of supportive friends and family members that I never had.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a Pentecoastal background. I go to church regularly and homosexuality=damnation. Sadly, I am gay. I wish I had a choice. Like you, I am extremely smart, blessed, and intelligent. I would trade it all to be content with my standing in Jesus Christ. I recently came out to my parents and they were shocked. I can see the disappointment in their eyes when they look at me. I wonder why I have to be gay. I hope it's only temporary. My solution to your problem is PRAY PRAY PRAY... It helps out a lot:)

read built4comfort's reply to sixteen hurts post.

Read matthew 19:12, I'm in the same situation and it helped me a lot. I love God of all my heart so I ignore the homosexual part of me. I know I'm not ment to live a life married and with a family, and in one way that can be a privilege when it comes to relationship with God. And also, God can use me in different ways than He could if I were to have a family to take care of.

I have to agree with 99.9% of what has been said here. (The whole "created gay so you won't reproduce" is the only exception.) The only thing I have to add is if you believe in a Judeo/Christian religion (Judaism/ Christianity {in any form, including Mormonism or Catholicism} / Islam {Muslim}) you may want to do some in depth research. Those religions are all ba<x>sed in the same palce and come from, mostly, the same books. Several religious scholars now believe that NOWHERE in the Bible does it say that homosexuality is wrong. My partner has a link to a site that I feel might help you. If you are interested in reading what is there, let me know and I will ask her for it.<br />
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Other than that, all I can say is what everyone said: There is nothing wrong with you and I hope that, in time, you believe that. I once felt a very similar way... and when I was 18 I said I was "bi"... a compromise, like that one post on here... It wasn't until much later that I came out and said "I AM GAY"... and ya' know, at first I lost a lot of people in my life, but because they love ME, and not their version of me, they have all come back into my life. I was miserable when I was in the closet. I am much happier now. I really hope that you make peace with who you are.

You might want to mention to your parents(in some future discussion with them) that YOU are the product of THEIR DNA. That might "level" the playing field a bit for all concerned. Good luck. I don't know ya, but I love ya and I'm NOT religious.

Christians say being gay is wrong and against god so then y would god create gay people in the first place ?

I believe that God created us to live together as man and woman but when we embraced the sin, God lost the hold of the world (atleast a bit of it) and things like homosexuality appeared.

Im 17<br />
and gay >....<<br />
I often try to convince myself i only like boys<br />
but it never works<br />
-___-<br />
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i feel you pain

I can relate to how you are feeling, I don't know exactly how you are feeling because everyone is different but i can relate. I'm 21 and still "in the closet" you could say I guess. My mother found out in my senior year that I was dating a girl and called my dad who I don't ever see or hear from to talk to me about it. She called me very hurtful names and to this day we are still not where I would like our relationship to be and she insists that I have a choice and that it's a phase I'm going through. I also feel that if i could give anything in this world away it would be this because i do want to have children (obviously there are other way around that and I would love to adopt) and a house and just be happy. But for me to be happy I need to be myself and you would think my mother would want me to be happy but she just can't accept it.

This is an awesome thread of comments. Let me comment from my view on the religious aspect.<br />
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Raised Catholic, but now am a very active member of a Baptist church in Atlanta, GA. Many gays/lesbians attend my church, but not everyone is gay. The Pastor is VERY outspoken on loving and accepting EVERYONE, including homosexuals, since his son "came out" a number of years ago.<br />
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Ok, so here is my understanding of God. He is perfect and His creations are perfect. He made each of us as He wants us to be for His plan. So, He made me with a set of talents and attributes because thats what He wants. I am perfect in His eyes. To think God made a mistake is heresy. Plain and simple, He says in the Christian Bible, John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that WHOEVER believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. " It doesn't say "some people", but WHOEVER, which includes me.

i am also a Jehovah's Witness in im sufferin the same thinq :'(

Read my story please. I'm gay and I do t want to be one... I understand you I'm 17 and I still don't k is what makes me gay because I am but don't want to be

Do you just think your gay? Have had any gay experiences? If you have practiced sex why did you not like it?

I agree with the comments being made here. Be yourself. Be glad your gay.<br />
How you live your life is your choice be that life gay or st8.<br />
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Being gay gives you more freedom than st8 will ever have. You can do things st8 can't. You can look at the world with a more ob<x>jective eye. You can choose the lifestyle that makes you happy. Some gay guys have girl friends or a wife. They are true to themselves and live the life they want.

Look at this! You have loads of support here if you need anything. If you don't have parental support, there's no reason to give up, hate any part of yourself, or feel down because there are so many people like you. Know that you're not alone. We'll hold your hand through everything because we all know how it feels. One way or another we've been though it. Together we can make a difference because being gay is nothing wrong. It's natural. It balances everything out. If you need to talk, you can always message me. A few of these guys here have inspired me and now I want to help you... Take care!

Nicky, I can tell that you're not trying to hate or judge, and I'm a scientific geek and therefore confident that life is all about natural selection. However, I think that your theory is misguided due to the fact that many homosexuals have reproduced all through history. I know that I was born gay and yet don't plan on raising a family. I'm just not interested in that aspect of life. But, I have known many gay men who married years ago as a means of hiding in the closet and/or for the sole purpose of procreating (with their spousal's knowledge at times). Those marriages produced many wonderful children. In recent years, many out and open gay people have chosen to become parents through one means or another. Quite often this involves using the ***** of the homosexual or a straight man's ***** in the case of gay women. This has created numerous healthy children. And not to forget, these gay men and women who want children feel the parental calling very strongly which is why they go through some very expensive and emotional procedures in order to be able to parent. The fact that they feel so strongly about having children has made them fantastic parents from my vantage point. So, Nickey, with all due respect, I'll disagree based on my own very informal scientific survey. <br />
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One last note: I know that I was born gay and my partner agrees because neither one of us have ever experienced any other feeling since early childhood. Gay people keep being born every single day, and natural selection has not weeded us out, so we're obviously valid contributing members of this terrarium we call earth. There are homosexual animals in the animal kingdom, always have been and always will be it seems. There's no deficiency that any scientist has discovered at this point in time.

Just like or love the person that you want to be with.

HERE IS MY OPINION ON WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE GAY AND OTHERS ARE NOT ********** I always wondered what made people gay or straight and have come to my own personal conclusion (obviously not based on facts- just my opinion) that makes sense to me. I do believe gays and lesbians are born that way and it is NOT environmental. We've all heard the saying "Survival of the fittest" ...... Basically I feel that some people are born gay and attracted to their same sex simply so that they do not reproduce their genetics (I feels its not a choice they have control over, just like you can't choose to be straight)........................... Again, just my personal opinion not based on any facts, as non exist. And again, not saying you are bad or "wrong" and not a wonderful individual, just expressing what I think may be scientifically and biologically behind the driving force of choosing a same sex partner thus hindering natural reproduction......To me this is the only way it could possibly make sense as all animals, including us, are born to reproduce and pass our genes along. Maybe there is something not quite up to par genetically (you are of course not aware of this deficiency by any means) and natural selection subconsciously is making you choose a partner that will not lead to reproduction.......Just my 2 cents- I am not judging just trying to wrap my brain around the "why" is all :) and this is what I came up with without bias...... Please don't reply with hatred as I am NOT trying to hate or judge...if you get that then you did not read what I wrote.

I just wanted to clarify something here, all animals are NOT created to reproduce. Scientists have found several varieties and species and sub-species of homosexual animals...

Just be who you want to be and forget what people say. Remember, you must make yourself happy and enjoy your life. If you have any questions, talk to me.

I feel for you... I really do. I grew up a Jehovah's Witness and they believe the same thing. I didn't come out till I was 35 because I was so scared. Often, religions instill such fear that we become paralyzed by it. I worked through my fear and came out at 35. I am now the happiest man ever. Yes, I lost a lot (family/friends) when I came out, but at least I know who I am and those who love me, know who they are loving. My family was loving a 'fake' and 'deceitful' me. Now, they can choose to love the real me. Or, not. It's ok, because I'm ok with ME. That's the key.<br />
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I really do feel for you. If you want to talk, or need advice anonymously, you might want to try lgbtcoach.com. Safe, discreet, free and no agenda. Good stuff.<br />
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Or, feel free to email me. I'm happy to help too.

I am going to assume you follow one of the Abrahamic religions. Every bit of original religious literature (the Bible, the Qur’an and the Torah/Nevi'im/Ketuvim) of that group was written between 2548 and 1377 years ago. That was before there was any scientific understanding of human sexuality. From what I can recall, the common notion was as follows: there were only heterosexuals. Homosexual acts were performed by "heterosexual" men for no discernible reason. The notion that there was such a thing as a homosexual individual was completely foreign.<br />
Likewise, science and religion are not mutually exclusive. The Roman Catholic Church has come out in support of the theory of evolution, which is completely contrary to the Biblical creation myth. The same is true of most Jewish denominations. The American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association, and National Association of Social Workers presented to the Supreme Court of the State of California that "Sexual orientation has proved to be generally impervious to interventions intended to change it, which are sometimes referred to as “reparative therapy.” No scientifically adequate research has shown that such interventions are effective or safe. Moreover, because homosexuality is a normal variant of human sexuality, national mental health organizations do not encourage individuals to try to change their sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual. Therefore, all major national mental health organizations have adopted policy statements cautioning the profession and the public about treatments that purport to change sexual orientation." The Royal College of Psychiatrists has come out in support of this. It may only be a matter of time before the scientific evidence that homosexuality is normal overwhelms the religious community.<br />
Although, I am not holding my breath.

Homosexuality has always existed. Don't say stuff without researching it first. It existed in the Greek era and that was way before abrahamic religions. And please. Kid me not. Feelings have always existed. Homosexuality is concerned with feelings. So there u go.

Lucky to see brilliant minds at work so I will not expand beyond saying, love and value yourself, it is the key to happiness :)

I don't believe I could top anything antares22x already said. The point is that it doesn't matter whether your DNA made you gay, or if you kissed the back of your elbow and it made you gay - that's an old wives tale from school, btw.<br />
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It doesn't matter why you are at all. The point is that you need to learn to love yourself, accept yourself, and live with yourself. Learn to do this now, because it will come back to bite you later if you just lie to yourself about your feelings. <br />
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You're not the first person to go through this, and you won't be the last. I felt disgusted with myself at 13, 14, and it was only when I was 17 that I admitted to myself that I was bi, a kind of half compromise. For some of us it is more difficult than others, and I have been where you are. I'm 44 now, and it was only eight years ago that I became completely upfront with myself about my sexuality. Life has been so much easier since then.<br />
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People don't really care as much about it as they used to. You are living in far easier times. In the end, and you will discover this, people like you or don't like you for who you are, not your sexuality.<br />
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Every major and minor religion on this planet has members who are gay, so if you are a firm believer in your faith, you will find a way to accommodate your faith with who you are.

I know how you feel. I went through a lot of the same thoughts when I was growing up and looking at myself...trying to figure out why i was the way I was. I was a pretty smart guy as well which helped and hindered me in trying to find out who I was. <br />
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To say that there is something wrong with your DNA because you are gay is like saying there is something wrong with your DNA because you are left-handed. Human beings using the "DNA" argument come from the same school of logic as eugenicists back in the day who used logic equal to Nazism. "The physically disabled, jewish, serbs, blacks and asians should all be exterminated because they are genetically inferior." How many times throughout history will people keep trying to pretend like we know jack **** about DNA and Genes just so we can turn it around and use the information to condemn one group or another. What color is your mom's skin? Regardless of where it is black, white, tan, or green we could invent hundreds of reasons as to why that particular skin color is genetically inferior. <br />
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Humans pretend that we know so much just because we "mapped" DNA...and then we go an say 95 percent of our DNA is junk DNA....well if that is true then we are ALL genetically f-ed up. <br />
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It just is what it is. Once religious arguments fell apart in the past when one group tried to horrifically condemn another, they just switched mediums...science. Religion is still used today but less and less people can even remotely pretend to say that homosexuality is against biblical law when eating pork, having a roof without railings, wearing two types of cloth, are all equally punishable. And even then...why isn't gay a deadly sin if it is soooo horrible?? There are over 600 old testament laws....and people only know 1..."don't be gay"....hypocrites....<br />
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Anyhow...just know that the arguments against you being gay are absolute crap. What do you feel in your heart? When you put aside everything OTHERS have told you, what do you feel in your heart? You are hurting because you don't agree with what you hear others telling you.<br />
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Being gay is a path of life which will take you in many directions non-gays never experience. The kind of life we have to live, in having to explore our souls and very essence because of society telling us one thing and our hearts telling us another...it is something not a vast percentage of people will experience like we do. <br />
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As such we have the way to become more in tune with ourselves and learn much more from life if we allow ourselves to.<br />
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Don't deny any part of your existence. You are who you are and you will continue to be who you are. Feel proud knowing you are on a unique life path and that when you find love it will be even more special because of what you have had to go through. <br />
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If you wish to talk, feel free to email me. If not, i wish you the best and I hope you come to love yourself for who you are...not letting ANYONE tell you otherwise.<br />
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Take care.

I was raised Christian, and born "gay". There is nothing wrong with my DNA. who is to say what is right and what is wrong when it comes to love and attraction. Life is best lived honestly. I hope you find a way to embrace your sexuality