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I Am Gay And Completely Alone

I'm writing this with tears in my eyes.

I have been alone forever. I do have friends but not one of them know who I really am...I'm gay, 25 years old and live in a country where homosexuality is still very much a taboo. I cannot tell anyone about this because I fear rejection. I know for a fact that many of my friends would stop talking to me if they found out and my parents might kick me out of the house and then I'll be lonelier than ever. I've never attempted to hook up with another guy...I'm too afraid to let anyone know even if he's a complete stranger. Maybe I deserve to be alone because I'm such a big coward, I've never taken risks. In the meantime I keep getting older and things are exactly the same as they were 5 years ago. I am alone...many of my friends have started to get married; they're moving on, having their own families. My situation is so bleak. I wish with all my heart that I will some day have my own family, but I don't see how that's ever going to happen! I don't know of any gay people in my country, sometimes I wonder if I'm the only gay person in the entire world; or if I'm the only person who has been so unfortunate in life. Once I signed up on a dating site but I did not find a single gay person from my country. I know that the only way for me to find an opportunity at happiness is to get out of my country, but I know that I can't leave by myself....there's absolutley no way out for me. I don't know what's still keeping me going but whatever it is it won't last for much longer.

Sorry for writing such a bleak story, but this is what I have to live with every day. The future scares me, I don't want to be alone.

adrianm adrianm 22-25, M 23 Responses Oct 11, 2009

Your Response


I identify with you, gay feelings and solitude are part of my life.

my story plus I'm muslim and in islam gays burn in hell if they do gay sez

I have the same story im younger (17 years old) but I'm afraid that no on ever will care about me. 0 friends no gay people around...

Follow your dreams and be who you really are. You only live once xx

Same story as you, except I'm 30 and in debt due to dropping out of med school (largely due to my depressive state and avoidant personality disorder resulting from being in the closet for the last ~20 years). When you stay in the closet for that long you don't learn to be anything. You don't learn any skills at all but how to hide. I'm still a virgin. Everyone thinks I'm weird. I used to be popular and did sports, that was before Time tore my mind, soul, heart, dreams, vision, conviction, belief into pieces.

My story. =/

It looks like you are describing my life, except I'm 20.

Hi, I am 30 living in New Delhi; with all the same symptoms. I just have a father (not well). I am asexual (not intrested in sex) not a gay, I don't know whether any gal would like to be my better half or not. I also want a support & a family. Even my dad has some dreams for me which I can't fulfill. Slowly, I am cutting myself from society. I don know what will happen to me after my Dad...Highly Upset..Hope some one will read this, understand my situation & contact me. GOD bless everyone

Honey!!!! Take a leap of faith!!!! Get up get out and get on with your life . What is holding you back?? Really email me back i want to know . .... Life is beyond too short I feel the same way... with wanting a family but being in relationships with other women I wonder if ill ever have family... but any how Im here if you need a friend.

I haven't read the comments yet, but this is my exact situation...i have no one to talk to, and my keyboard is so wet that i may damage my CPU...old thread, but if anyone has 23 and " quote"!

I am a 24 year old gay female also in the same situation and have no one to talk to, so if you ever want to talk let me know :)

I am sorry you feel so alone, I often feel the same way too. I have not told any of my friends that I am gay cause I fear they will reject me. Some nights I feel so alone I cry myself to sleep, I have even contemplated suicide. I know that will not make anything better so I have not tried going thru with it. I just pray that one day I find someone to love & have love me back. If you would like someone to chat with I am always here.

I wish I could tell you it gets easier, in some ways it does, I live in Australia and I was raised in a very "Straight" family where the men are men and the women are all tom boys, so it was not easy being the softest and most fragile of the bunch, off course many years have past and now that I am in my early 40s, I am now the stronger of the bunch, strange how it all turned around, however that has not altered the fact I still feel like an outcast in my own world, I hate it, so I understand what you are going through, I have lived in some countries that do not value homosexuality and I my heart goes out to you, all I can say is that you must fight, because if you don't then you have no chance at all at a life that could be very happy and full of moments that you cherish and value. To give up before you have even fought back it not an option, I made the decision to give up once, a long time ago, and I realised that I could not give up because I had not even fought back, I had nothing to lose so I just decided to develop a voice, so now I am very head strong and rather annoying, however I stand my ground and no one gets away with anything with me, so my point it, never give up, we are gay, we are strong, and we are more than capable of dealing with straight people and their pre-historic ways of thinking. You sound like a lovely person, you obviously need to leave the situation your in, and once you have you will find a world out there full of people just like you and you will more than likely find a life well worth the effort. You will not know till you try and change your life just how wonderful it can be. I am still alone, I don't deny it, however I know who I am and I am proud of the fact I am a survivor and I will never give up on the idea of love, so one day, if I am lucky? I will find someone who loves me as much as I love them. We live in hope, it is all we have to hold onto, so plan your escape and be all you can be.<br />
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Regards Alex

im single to i feel the same way that it really hard to meet gay men but i ve met gay men from other country on face book tagged but no one from where im from so your not alone

im single to i feel the same way that it really hard to meet gay men but i ve met gay men from other country on face book tagged but no one from where im from so your not alone

I can understand you. i'm in the same situation i feel lonely and desperate.I have friends who know who i am but we can't just talk about it because it feels akward. i tried dating sites too it worked for a while but guys that i've met are just looking for one night stands because gays are not meant to be in couples in our society according to them so I'm thinking to leave my country too but i don't know how. <br />
I'm scared to live and die alone.

HI 12 % of guys are bi/gay so your not alone out there just keep looking try its a great place to meet some nice guys that where i meet my boy freind my email is

Well I tried Plenty Of Fish. Any other good dating sites?

I can understand that you're afraid of leaving your country by yourself. You've said that dating sites having worked out for you, how many have you tried? Also, chances are there are gay people in your country but they just aren't open about it.<br />
<br />
My advice is to start looking to meet gay people you can talk to online (not necessarily internet relationships) as friends just to get more comfortable with the idea that you are gay and that gay is an okay thing to be before you consider taking this big of a stand for yourself. That way it can happen in small steps vs. all at once. Good luck.

Thanks so much for your messages. It really helps to know that there are people out there who wouldn't hate me for being slightly different. That's how I feel in my country, there's hate directed at me from everyone I've ever met. They don't know that what they say is hurting me, but it does hurt and it scares me when I think that I spending time with people who would turn there back on me if they knew I was gay. Reading your messages makes me realise that there are people in the world who wouldn't hate me for something so petty such as sexuality. <br />
I just know that things would be so much better if I find my significant other. what people think about me after that won't matter so much I'm sure. But until then i can't come out, I don't know how people will react, it's just too scary.

I agree with everything the other people have said. I think the only way you are going to find true happiness now is by overcoming your fear of the new in your life and leaving your homeland. Go for it, you'll be fine! xxxx

Sorry to hear your saddness I am a gay man and in a relationship we can find it hard too, there is still lots of work to do for gay people but we are getting there. hope you find happiness soon xx

Yes, like I said, I understand that the only way for me to be happy is to leave the country and find somewhere more accepting. But I've only left my country once and the thought of going somewhere new alone to start a new life scares me to death.

Oh wow, how awful for you. Have you ever considered leaving your country? xxx