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Can't Come Out

But not for the typical reasons, not because I am afraid, or because I am in denial. I can't come out because I hate the stereotype that comes with being gay and I hate that a large number of us fit it. When I see an overly feminine gay man I cringe. I guess I don't want to  lose my masculinity in the eyes of my family and friends.

I also come across this issue: Almost every time I tell a straight male friend I am gay they almost always assume I have a thing for them. Its frustrating and it ruins the friendship.

I blame others but maybe its me? Maybe I just have to accept this? Until then I'll just keep this to myself and those closest to me.
 

sensesfail sensesfail 22-25, M 54 Responses Jan 25, 2010

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huh...well there's nothing wrong with being feminine etc. you'd be surprized how hard it is to suppress your true nature. me? yeah I am that type. honestly the masculinity crap I don't really care for. be whatever you wanna be seriously? makes you cringe now but really I'm my opinion it's kind of a weird developing way to make gaydar easier. I'm sorry but whether you act feminine get a sex change whatever that doesn't mean you're lesser than the straight *******...Lol if you feel you must randomly assert the fact you're male and better than females...which is what that crap is about fine. I honestly don't think people with sense would think it matters

Makes me cringe as well...but...sigh gotta tell someone...after I move out and get hot that is. then...maybe then

I know this post is quite old but I can relate to how you feel. I've come out to my parents/brothers & sisters... few close friends. The odd thing is that no one believed me... I am "way too masculine" and "don't fit the stereotype" of a gay man. Sure, we see a lot of fem guys that are way out there... and I cringe as well. But, that is how they are. It is not how I am, nor I think the vast majority of gay men. I've also lost a few friendships over telling people that I am gay... strange enough, most of my male - very straight friends, have been very accepting. I think it depends upon how comfortable someone is with their own sexuality. At any rate, hang in there. Be true to yourself.

i have never seen a need to come out. i believe that living with integrity is all that matters. besides, coming out does not increse the odds of meeting a meaningful partner, it only lets the homosexuals who are part of the "soddom and gomorrah" lifestyle perk up their radars so they can use you for their own sexual gratifaction and then leave you.

the way i see it if i meet a partner my family will like him because he has real values that will make it so they don't care what gender he is. the only way they could be disappointed and have been was when i went out with clearly degenerate people who are part of the "alternative lifestyle" - and frankly i see every reason to be disappointed, because many of those people live with no morals or values. it's not because they are gay, though, but i believe it is because they associated with the wrong crowd at some point, which just happens to be full of homosexual people.

who knows though, maybe i am too hurt but i don't acknowledge it. my family did not change their attitudes to me when i did come out, but in our family we have a history of not caring about each other anyway, so maybe i am giving very bad advice but don't know it.

I am so sorry for you concerning your family relationships. You need and deserve the support of your family and friends.

Im a gay and from an indian family. I am currently 16 years old and I live in a family where we constantly socialise with everyone and I like it. However I'm not happy as I feel like I will never find happiness. I cannot come out as my family will leave me and I would never put them through that as it is something no one deserves. I hate being gay I wish there was a medicine that would take it all away. I see people who are unhappy a little things that are silly. I am a faliure already as a child to my parents. I ***** online on cam, I nearly had sex at the age of 14. However I keep thinking about it on my mind and I don want to live this life anymore. I want to look back at my childhood and think it's the best days. But how can I when I deal with being gay. I just wish I never was because at the end of the day I will never be able to as I have too much to loose. And to be honest I just wish no one else has to go through this because it's mentally and emotionally the hardest thing to go through. I see stories about young gay people who would never be able to come commit sucide and I think is that going to be me. I can't express how hard to is to go through at such a young age and as it's always my mind it's like people say I'm so negative but I can't say why. To anyone is reading this and anyone who is in a simular position all I can say is just hope one day it will all get better.

Age will provide greater opportunities for you to meet people like you who will help you make some difficult transitions. However, I believe you will find happiness.

I know how you feel but stay strongh.

I sort of understand being gay. When I came out i remember people waited for me to start jumping round all feminine and to wear bright pink 24/7. In the end half of them got bored and left me alone. I also know i kind of fit the stereotype but just not perfect like on TV. I find it a bit . . Idk.

in response to holyghostgurl: if you google 'gay Bible' you will discover that king david (the one that slew goliath) was in a loving relationships with prince solomon. if you google 'the greatest love story in the Bible' david an solomon will pop up. in the story of the eunich Jesus tells the man to go in peace. w/o criticizing him. it's only an abomination for priest to be gay. remember they can't have wives either. gay is only written nd Bible 4x. out of hundreds of thousands of words. hmm, apparently not a top priority. and the Ten Commandments speak more about str8 sins, no mention of gays. To my gay/bi peers please realize there's a difference between Jesus and religion. What is that... oh yes: LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE! gay/bi peeps research the Bible and don't believe the hype from bigoted clergy and thier brainwashed Church members.

David loved Jonathan as a young man. Their relationship is never confirmed as homosexual in the Bible. Solomon was David's father, not his lover.

I feel very much the same. Read my profile! Sure, I came out, as a younger man... but now I doubt the logic that requires we define ourselves by a consensus ASSUMPTION of what a gay man should be and do. My coming out was confusing, because so many people tried to convince me that I wasn't gay! It's important to have a solid self image and self respect, so gay people will always face the trial of coming out. A price we pay for the honesty and dignity that earn us our place in the lives of those we love. BUT... as an older man, I realize that my sexuality doesn't define me as much as others think it may, and that my coming out was in some ways very hard on those who loved me. They adapted, as have I, and the memory seems foolish. My sex life is private, and my personality is public... once upon a time they seemed interchangeable. Now I realize that my individuality is a product of both, and the assumptions of others add nothing to the richness and splendor of a life well and truly LIVED. Assumptions have no value.They are to be dismissed. I see no need to wave flags under peoples noses, and I choose to live in a way that just feels right to me. If the world would defend an assumption, it would fail. Gay people are just like every other kind of person: each is an individual, with a unique moment of the universe to experience and grow from. Sure, some are lisping fems, but if you look at humanity as a whole, far worse qualities are overlooked in every cultural group. Why should anyone assume a gay man to be a lisping fem? What strange power this assumption holds on opinion! A label is no substitute for an identity. It is up to each of us to be the person we are. Why should consensus assumptions be held more dearly than this simple truth of life?

I definitely agree with the thoughts on being thrown into one stereotype. But it had the shunning affect on the gay person when I mentioned this.

The region you live in and the majority people's viewpoints override anything that can be said to change them.

It's not just you, and don't accept it if you don't like it. Change that stereotype yourself.

I live in Palm Springs and there are so many gays around here is like a microcosm of life. In live there are a lot of people of different color and all types of mannerisms. The differences are no big deal. If you live in a smaller world these differences seem to stand out more. But it does seem like you are afraid to come out, as with many, because you fear being labeled about something which you are not. That's kind of the same thing is it not.

Ok, I had this problem for awhile. Then I realized something..It's no one's ******* business. The only person whose opinion matters, is yours. I can go out in my street right now and scream to the world that I'm gay and proud, and I wouldn't care less. Because I'm fine with me, I can give two ***** about their opinion. That being said, I can tell you that I understand about the way we are seen and treated, but that's society as a whole. There are decent people out there, people who don't judge and those who will support us. The stereotype doesn't have to fit you, it sure as hell doesn't fit me. I'm ex-Army, a weapons specialist, and the proud owner of more firearms than people on my block. But I'm gayer than a pink unicorn with a rainbow tattooed on it's ***. Do I wear womens' clothes? No. Am I feminine? Not in the slightest. People are who they are, you shouldn't have to hide or change for anyone.

I know im not a guy so its different but im bisexual. I cant comeout much but not cuz im afraid. ok maybe it is alittle bit because im afraid. I cant come out because i am raised in a christtian home. I am a preachers kid and my mom always says how much she hates gays and how much they disgust her and that hurts me because im gay. How can i come out to her when she told me this comment "i took the human sexuality class so i can learn about the gays and it literally made me sick and i wanted to throw up" that hurt me so much. i have a great girl friend and she wishes icould tell her but i cant and that hurts so bad. :( i dont know what i could possibly do so that sucks. I know how it feels to not be able to come out. i wish i could help you but i cant come out on my own. :( thats why i like this site i can be open and no one judges :(

I am gay and also don't fit the stereotype. That's what kept me confused for many yrs or thinking it was a phase. The older I got the more it became obvious inside.I recently told my lesbian neighbor I was gay. (part of the process I guess) She never knew. Why because I don't fit the stereotype.I hate the way we gays are portrayed on tv and movies.I don't act that way I'm an ordinary average guy who is gay and wears blue jeans,flannel and pocket t-shirts!!! Still gay though!!!

The truth is that lifestyle and sexuality are two different life expressions. Hetero's are not all the same in lifestyle or in bed. We all are different in how we express ourselves and defy being pigeon holed by society. I enjoy being a husband, father, boss, sexual person, etc. Be yourself and never let others judgements of you become verified through your acceptance of their slurs.

hello God Bless you dear you will never be comfortable being gay because you was not created gay GOD made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve im not bein mean im just tellin you the Truth Jesus loves you the devil is a liar the bible say the devil comes 2 kill,steal,and destroy you were born a Man so your desire is 4 a Woman

While I respect your right to believe what you do, as well as your right to express your beliefs, I find your comment offensive. People certainly do not choose their sexuality, I know I didn't choose mine. I thought I was as straight as an arrow, until I met that one meant for me. And if you object, consider this: When did you make the conscious decision to be straight? I do not find it appropriate to tell someone what, or who they desire or feel attracted to. True, scripture says what you have reiterated, but I fail to see relevance. I do not feel that your words were anything but hurtful and served only to confuse the author above, and that is not, from what I understand, what this community is about. If you feel as you feel, then I don't understand why you were in this section of the site. If your purpose was to spread the word of your religion, then why say what you did? I feel that you were here to help, yes, but you have done the opposite in my opinion, this man needs help and support, not your religious agenda. Your religion is your own, it's perfectly okay to have it, and I respect that. But you crossed the line when you pushed your religion and it's views on someone else. As much as you have the right to have it, we have the right not to hear about it.

I really get upset when people use their religion to judge others with. Bible truisms would include that only God can judge and that we are each to read the word and come to our own realizations after prayer and meditation. I am very much a believer in a loving, caring God who created us in his image because he was lonely and wanted to commune directly with us. He is my God, your God, and father to all in my belief system. What you believe you must be responsible for. That God would "create" someone that he abhors is ridiculous. That God would create humans Gay and expect them to not physically express their love is also ridiculous.
I don't have the answer's---you don't have the answers. Let's all agree that we:
1. Are not to judge
2. Should love one another unconditionally
3. Should love ourselves.

But everyone says you are made in gods image?! I love being gay. I still go to church but hes telling the truth, it is offensive, and you have your rights but the guy needs support and someone to believe in.

at least your parents arent jehovah's witnesses.. my dad left my mom because he was gay.. my sister came out, my aunt is gay.. my cousins gay.. there's no room for me to come out. i feel trapped. but good luck:)

do not deny your inner feelings, we are all of us part straight and part gay. It is nature. We are all of us, men and women, all part gay and lesbians. We are one body in one passion and without guilt love **** as much as you love *****, but love **** without guilt if you are man and if woman love ***** too. Climax and sex is a wonderful wonderful thing with man and man or woman and woman. JUST DO IT WITHOUT GUILT.

Well done for taking the first step of telling people, believe me, it is not an easy thing to do, takes a lot of courage. i have been there myself. You can't help the way you are, be proud of yourself and hold your head high. i have tried the "Gay Pride" thing myself and i am still unsure if it was the right thing for me, although i think it maybe because it was within my hometown and feeling a little uncomfortable just n case there would be someone there who i did not want to see! <br />
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Anyway good luck to you.....all the best!

I feel the same way

Your sexuality is one of the most basic things about you. Therefore, it is up to who you who you tell and when you tell them. Also, it is entirely up to you who you share your body, thoughts, feelings and emotions with.<br />
You won't lose your masculity in front of your family and friend because you are still the small person and the only difference between you and that you prefer someone of the same gender.<br />
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Personally, I like my guy to be a real man - straight acting, masculine guy - builder/fireman/policeman/armed services type.<br />
Not into cissy, feminine,camp or cross-dressing guys - nothing at all to do with being manly!!!!<br />
I like to be able to walk down the street with a special friend without someone saying, "Look at that pair of poofs!"

Is it weird that I really want to just have friends that are guys too. I don't want to have all girl friends but its obviously hard since I don't really associate with guys. I mean I really want a boyfriend but I don't want those two things to get mixed up. I guess thats the problem straight people have when a guy is friends with a girl when he's going out with another girl. I feel like if I ever come out I'll lose all my not gay guy friends. They'll probably all think I wanna **** them.

Not all dogs look the same neither do gays.Not all gay men bake cakes or wear long beards.and Hippy beads. Just be you.Be visionary.Don't feel you have to be anyone other than you are whilst in a group, gay or straight..Not all gay men feel they have to flaunt there gayness around others like an over zealous evangelist selling bibles. I suggest you phone a gay help line to find if they know of home gay group you can go to,, to meet people more like you..They might be able to suggest somewhere you have not thought of Also find out on the phone helpline what gay interests groups there are.available. A Gay hobby group could be an answer.Why not try to form a group for " SHY " gay men yourself if all fails.. A Gay group would be able to suggest somewhere you could hold such a group________________ Happy Hunting !!

Don't feel alone on that one. I know exactly what you're talking about because I feel it too. If you say you're gay, people assume that you are feminine. And that's how it will always be since they see the ultra-feminine types plastered all over the media. My advice to you would be to come out sparingly. Everyone doesn't have to know. Sure, you should be true to yourself and all that, but if you were straight, you wouldn't feel the need to tell everyone either. The best way to "secure"your masculinity is to not make a big deal out of it.

Just remember it was a drag queen that threw the first brick that started the Stonewall Riot and ignited the gay liberation movement.......

Being who you are is not wrong. i have certain fantasies, which I had never told anyone. I recently got married and explained my fantasies with my wife. She is supportive and understanding and has been my biggest fan. That said, maybe you need to find someone who you can confide in and share it with. There is nothing wrong with feeling or being who you are and you have to answer to no one. If friends and family members don't accept you for who you are, then that's their problem. Everyone is entitled to be happy by both means inside and out.

I am also a masculine gay man, but I've been out for 5 years now. The majority of my friends are straight guys, and I've had this happen to me before. I always just laugh, say, "just how you're attracted to (Mutual female friend who wasn't gifted in the looks department)" and then tell them to get over themselves. So far, it's worked. If they become uncomfortable around me / an *******, then I' would just cut them out of my life. I don't have time for guys who have homophobic issues, and I deserve better friends.

Im just like you, and I have your same problem but now that I acepted myself (without loosing my masculinity) I feel better than ever. I dont need to tell noone if Im gay or not. They just see when I am with my boyfriend cuse they ask and I awnser "yes, he is". I had had no issues till now with it. My friends just used to say: You? Gay? You must be joking!<br />
<br />
BUt thats it hahaha. Im happy now and listen, there are worst things that being homosexual. Belive me...

Well... masculine gay men are hot so...I don't see why you can't be one.<br />
Non-ignorant people dont really see gay men as prissy and sweet and pink, its just the majority of the world who are ignorant that see all gay men in that way. Unfortunately. But clue your family and friends up if you want to avoid this mess of ruining a friendship or your 'manly image'. If they don't get it I guess they are just stupid. I'm juuust saayyiin'.

I hate heterosexual guys that think only because I'm gay, that I like every guy I see on the street.

I am gay and feminine to a point but when at work people don't beleive I am gay when I first tell them because I am also very butch. I hate the stereotypes as well because there are a wide variety of gays and straights my husband is what you would call a bromo as I believe you are as well a butch gay male who has lots of straight male friends and passes as straight to people who dont know. I do not fit the stereotype that all gay men are promiscuous and I have only had 4 lovers but am open about who and what I am and I have straight male friends who accept me for who I am. You have valid concerns and I respect your decision not to come out but do not write yourself off you are better than the stereotypes be proud of who you are.

Exactly! Being gay is just one small part of the many dimensions that make me who I am!

I had a similar problem when I came out.. My best friend quit talking to me because people mught think differently of him if he had a gay friend. my advice is tell those that you know are going to accept it. and only tell people that you want to know.. People tell me all the time that I am not the typical gay guy. My advice is be gay dont let gay be you...

Wow 2,145 views. I've never had anything I've done get so much attention. I really hope my story has helped someone seeing as how a year after writing this I still have this problem. Its alot better though!

This has always been a problem for any of us with different sexualities.<br />
I am an engineer and am part of a group that meet in person as well as on line.<br />
One of our group looks and acts straight, but came out years ago. None of our group treated him any differently. He gets some banter in the private section of our site but it's all in fun and we know it.<br />
Last year I went down to the place we rent, where we have old cars we renovate.<br />
We were working all weekend so camped down in the van for the night. My friend set up his bag as far from me as possible so I said come on up here so we can talk.<br />
He said OK but I thought you may be concerned if I did that.<br />
So it goes to show, after all we think we know that worry remains for a lot of us.<br />
I say us, because it was then that I told him I was bi. He came over and said how surprised he was, but then we both laughed when he said well **** off. I still don't fancy you.. Now that's friendship.

yea i understand how people think of a diva male when they hear the word gay. I will never understand how it feels because im a straight female but i can say that you shouldnt really care about what people think. I stopped caring a long time ago because no matter what if your gay or straight, black or white, skinny or fat there will always be someone who will talk about you.<br />
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You just have to be the better person and keep on going foward. Dont be scared if you loose a couple of people along the way because for example in my high school i know alot of girls and guys who wouldnt to have a gay friend no matter if they're feminine or are still as masculine with a different sexual prefrence.

You know what? The irony is that the stereotypes that you are so afraid of are not the majority. There are some guys who happen to be gay who are effeminate. By the way there are some effiminate straight guys as well(Tony Randall for example). But think about this gay guys like masculinity. If we had wanted feminine we wouldn't have to settle for a counterfeit we would be straight.<br />
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The vast majority of gay guys are just regular guys and blend right in. You will probably find out that the guys you are attracted to are not effeminate types. Most effeminate gay guys really want to be the woman and most gay guys don't want to be that. That doesn't mean that gay guys aren't likely to be more open about roles that they take in society. But that won't change the fact that they like guys.<br />
Even in sex the roles are not really equivalent. A bottom is not nearly as passive as the woman role in straight sex. A top doesn't have near the performance pressure a straight guy has if his partner can switch hit every once and a while or when needed.<br />
There are a few guys that like effeminate guys but not nearly as many as the number who like regular guys. Its just the effeminate types that get all the press. Work on being the best man you can be what ever that means to you.<br />
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I don't think you are quite right when you say that straight guys begin to fear you might hit on them. I think its more that they may fear that you see something in them that makes you think they may be gay. Especially at your age group that is not something you wish on your worst enemy. <br />
A guy who is really secure about his sexuality could care less about yours. Its the ones who are not secure with themselves whether sexual or otherwise who feel like they can climb the social latter at your expense.

Well yes there are the stereotypes and there will be those that are confused or a bit shaken by your coming out, but you can't keep focusing on the rest of the world here! It comes down to YOU.<br />
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Just don't be one of those feminine guys, prove to all your family friends that you're still you! When I came out to my brother he didn't talk to me for 3 days, and avoided eye contact...we share a room. <br />
But i just showed him that I was still me, and now we are as close as we ever were.<br />
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Screw stereotypes, let the feminine cringe worthy ones be themselves and you be you.

I am gay because I like men, not because I like women. So men that act feminine are a total turnoff. But it is a catch 22, how do we find men that are like us, who we are attracted to, when we all act "straight?"

Now you know the real definition of down low.lol. The dl man lives a rough life.

I know exactly how you feel dude. I<br />
m stuck in the closet, lying to myself, and not enjoying life the way it's suppose to be lived. I thought I could stay in this forever but with the way I'm feeling everyday, it gets worst.

I've felt that way for a while and thought that I couldn't come out because of what people may think of me, but then I heard that unless i come out, other people won't know i'm available and won't be able to get a boyfriend. lol. So i kind of changed my mind, but then I realized that I don't really want any boyfriend, and that right now a boyfriend or girlfriend, would be a distraction from the person i'm really interesting in (this guy i know). So i figured, that coming out isn't always best. Unless you want to let others know that you are an available "gay guy", then there's no need to let others know. Sometimes, it's just about letting that one guy you like know how you feel about him so that you can become closer friends.

Sense-fall: A real man is one who can wear a wig, dress and heels and still be absolutely confident about his masculinity. He does exactly as he pleases, and if the world doesn't like it he says '**** you' and goes right on doing what he wants to do. The only way you can 'lose your masculinity' is if you give it away.<br />
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Cluis - I hope that all is going well for you. If you'd like to talk about all this stuff, I'd be happy to give you the benefit of my few extra years of dealing with such things...might as well, you know: it's the only benefit to getting a little older. Just look up my profile and send me a note.<br />
<br />
cheers!<br />
<br />
Jd

somewhat im in the samee situation but i dont know if i should come out!!!plz give me some advice... im really scared cuz idk what my parents are going to say......noone in my faamily knows only one but hes gay too and hes my cousin... some friends at school know but only the ones that are truly my friends..... i find myself ugly but many boys and girls find me atrracted......what should i do?

I hear you, when my brother told his ex-girlfriend I was she looked at me and said, I suppose it's okay with me BUT IF YOU EVER HIT ON ME... she got about that much out before I snapped at her and said, I go for hot girls you definately have nothing to worry about... People are so ignorant, it's like because your gay you are attracted to everyone of your gender... grrr

I agree, stigma. <br />
I just want to be myself and be respected. <br />
I don't let one aspect of my personality define me as a whole.

Most guys as yourself are terrific friends for straight and bi women and I can't stand how the lesbians do the same crap with the I'm a dude your the pretty one I always thought that women or men liked each other for just that reason that they wanted a man or a women not this well you know like Tom Ford is. Hot. Man and is Gay hold on I have too vent something Dammit on the Tom Ford thing lol but I love Men who are Gay and still masculine there the best friends. On earth .where I live not so much . And that also gos with women finding out your secret gawd knows how many times I've had a friend and her husband wants me and she wants me once they here something like I'm some sex fiend anyway lost those friends as well seems I'm the more normal one found here

I know the feeling. I work and worked in predominately masculine industries and telling the world what I am would turn my whole world upside down. Hell, it's no one's gusiness what I like in the bedroom anyway.

Your concerns are very much valid. i have a gay friend. i was the first person he told. he also was afraid that people would immasculate him if they knew. thing was, the majority of us knew before he said anything. the signs were there, although subtle. he, like you, is pretty manly. but we kinda got the picture when he, an incredibly attractive guy, would have nothing to do with all the hot women who swooned in his presence. most of his friends are male, and i know how men can automatically assume that because you're gay, you are 'in love' with them. this is laughable solely for the simple fact that gay men have the keen sense to separate friends and potential partners. not only that but the straight guys assume they're somehow suddenly 'hot' to their gay friend. lol long story short, if your friends are secure in their own sexuality and look to you as a true confidant, they most likely wont be hung up on the 'what if he likes ME?' scenario. straights who think that are merely immature. i, for one- know as a fact that those who truly love you will see you no differenly, probably already know you're gay, and will only feel closer to you when you come out.

Oh my gosh!! I know exactly what you're talking about. There was this gay guy in my class, Johnny (or as he called himself Johnneh) and everytime he started talking to someone it was almost like "hi my names is johnneh I'm gay" everyone had to know and every single art project had to have a gay symbol in it and he had to have everything pink and had to have only girl friends and urgh it was so annoying!!!<br />
I don't care what your sexuality is, gay or straight or bi, I don't judge people but you shouldn't feel the need to exploit it all the time!! Lol<br />
Anyways.. That was a bit of a vent lol I hope everything work out for you and as for guy friends not being your friend because you tell them, that's just stupid lol good luck!

Don't worry you're not the only person who is experiencing this. I'm completely straight acting, 17 years old and have come out... Although I've come out, this same issue is still ruling my life right now. At my age most people who do come out fit into common stereotypes about homosexuality, and because of this some people seem to get an overall negative view about homosexuals and often associate me into those categories that I don't fit into. It's a horrible feeling having certain people label you something that you're not, but the main reason that I came out was to help defeat those stereotypes that exist in society about groups of people. Unless there are people to help abolish stereotypes then they're always going to exist. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you would lose your masculinity, but I hope you will come to a level of acceptance in which you still feel comfortable with your sexuality and masculinity. One of Plato's quotes often comforts me with this problem, "When men speak ill of thee, live so as nobody may believe them". Good luck in the future and I hope you're able to come to terms with yourself and your friends. Just remember that your true friends will always be there.

Sensefall, this is very common, and I believe a form of attachment with your normative view of how you yourself and the world "should be" according to others. Bring awareness to your feelings when thinking about feminine gays and what you are afraid of losing by embracing who you are. It will take a lot of patience and awareness but eventually you can enter a state of complete self-acceptance and you'll no longer care much about labels or transient drama, but with your essential Presence that reflects the Oneness of all life, the majesty of the cosmos, our true purpose in life. In this space there exists no anxiety, no judgement, no self-denial.<br />
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Hope this suggestion helps.

well said, blashemous angel<br />
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best wishes, sensesfail

Those closest to you should be the only ones who need to know. Coming out doesn't mean wearing rainbows or swishing... that's completely optional :) Coming out means letting those that are important to you know about your sexuality... Who you are doesn't change just from saying the words "I'm Gay" Those that think you're into them just because you like other guys...well they happen, much like women that think you're into them just because you're a male. Just be who you are, and don't worry so much about out or in, only people that need to know are the people you date and the people close enough for you to want to tell.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm closeted for somewhat the same reasons.. it's easier said than done when considering telling a male friend who is straight. I'm sure many of my friends would react in the same way that yours did.. I stay over at a lot of their houses, after all, and wouldn't want them to get the wrong idea.<br />
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And yeah, I'm also not very feminine myself, so I get where you're coming from there. Still, this isn't such a big reason as to why I find myself in the closet... I figure those who know me should be able to gather that I don't fit or follow the stereotype regardless. It's mostly just the general negativity surrounding homosexuality.. with those who are religious, and others that haven't much of a reason besides the way in which they were brought up. Or misconceptions, stupid archaic ignorance, whatever it is. <br />
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I've rambled enough.. but yeah, it's just kinda difficult to be open about it if you know friends and family wouldn't look at you or think of you the same..