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You're the First to Know

I'm 18 years old and am really reluctant to come out even though I know it's the "right" thing to do.

First of all, I have been in a very serious (heterosexual) relationship for the past three years and we just broke up. I know you're all probably wondering why I would stay in a relationship when I knew I was gay. Honestly, I don't have an answer. Since we had been going out for so long, I never really called my attraction to her into question, it was always assumed. I realized I was attracted to men after I began dating her. Since we were best friends and in love (I still really do think we were in love) I couldn't bring my self to think that I was ACTUALLY gay. I am a very stubborn person and can very easily fall into denial.

All my life I've been the "gay stereotype" and I have constantly resisted it. I have primarily friends that are girls and am relatively effeminate. When I was with my girlfriend, I internally used that as a defense for fitting into the stereotype. I would tell myself, it's OK if people think I'm gay, because I have a girlfriend so it doesn't matter. You know, that kind of thing.

This sounds weird, but sometimes I don't even know whether or not I'm gay. Yes, men turn me on. But it is impossible to make myself believe that my relationship with my girlfriend wasn't real. We were SO close. I really thought we were going to get married and stuff. And there haven't been any guys in particular yet that I would want to be with. I am physically attracted to men, but I haven't yet been romantically attracted to men. I don't want to make the plunge into coming out if I'm not sure if that'll happen. You know what I mean? Especially since I know I've had the emotional stuff with a girl.

Plus, coming out is a very big deal. In order to go through all the trouble of telling everyone, I feel like I need to be completely sure. If I came to the realization that I wasn't actually gay, it's so much harder to get back into the straight dating world.

I really need advice of any kind from anyone. I feel like i can't tell anyone because I'm not sure if I want people to know (God I sound like the poster child of this website!).
Frogger89 Frogger89 16-18, M 3 Responses Nov 21, 2007

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maybe you are bi

You are having the same battle many have. This is a mostly hetro. society. So most try to conform to the norms.Even when we have yearnings, that aren't the norm. I have found in my self that I am sexually and emotionally attracted to woman, but I am highly attracted to men sexually. Sounds like we both are bi, which is ok

hey<br />
i know where you are. ive been out of the closet for three years.<br />
you need to be able to know yourself very well to answer your question. for example, did you girlfriend turn you on? also, sexuality has many deviations, and you could only like men for sex, but enjoy multiple qualities in women. just dont push it, be comfortable. dont come out until your ready. and you'll know when youre ready. its obvious.