I Am The Likeness Of Goddess And God.

I say that I am the likeness of mother and father God, because I have no gender and yet both genders, just like mother and father God.(i'm a witch by the way). Anyway I have always known that I am genderqueer. I was biologicaly born a male, but never fit into the mold of a typical male or female I always felt like i walked the line. I have recently come out to a few people as genderqueer, but not many. I always felt the need to conform to gender stereotypes, but now I just can't hide anymore. Ever since I was little i felt that i liked makeup and skirts and playing with dolls and my mother even asked me if I wanted to be a girl once when i was little, to which i replied, "yes mom". What I didn't realize was that i didn't want to be a girl or a boy i deep down inside i felt neutral. I came out as gay when i was sixteen and was soon put into therapy to become "straight" and i was convinced that i could overcome my feelings of neutrality through the glory of christian counceling and prayer... well that didn't work out so well, so i began to research christianity and it's origins and the timeline of the context used in the wording of the bible and the need to invent a singular God or his son jesus or even the need for God to be male or female, I asked myself why couldn't God be both and then I began to study wicca and things just clicked for me in the wiccan religion, suddenly God was Goddess and God, my relationship with mother and father God is much stronger than it ever was when i was southern baptist (or born again). Anyway once I resolved my God issues i wasn't ashamed to come out as a gay "man", but I knew deep down that i was more than that i wasn't a man or a woman. Being genderqueer and hiding it was no picnic i went through alcaholism for about six years, being thrown in the drunk tank and doing emberasing things in bars and at home, I even hit and pushed and punched people that i cared deeply for, because I was an alchaholic and because i was holding such a big secret. I've been sober for about five, almost six years now and am happier about that than ever and couldn't be more proud of myself. When I drank I was like jeckyl and hyde sober i am calm and considerate, or at least i hope i am, also i've never been it a hitting fight in my life when sober, but have always been scared of people who scream at you... anyway that has been my story and my struggle for the past 12 years and the gender feelings have been a struggle since i was two years old :(even my mother confirms this) untill now, because now damn the consiquences I AM GENDERQUEER AND IT IS A GIFT AND I WILL NO LONGER HIDE NOR TAKE IT FOR GRANTED.

 

P.S

My x-boyfriends can kiss my snow white rear end if they don't like me being honest about myself or think it's wierd!!!!!!!!!

ravenstill29 ravenstill29
26-30
3 Responses Feb 14, 2010

It is a shame but we are made over in term of what others would like to see us as--their own comfort zone--You live with yourself, no one else can do that. You answer to yourself and there is no way of getting away from yourself. Each person that has walked this earth has faced the same dilema, many are uncomfortable witrh themselves or won't acknowlege such, therefore they cast their ideals upon the rest of us because they are unable to do so for themselves.

Your story really touched my heart. The way you are standing up for yourself is great. I wish the best for you.

wow. Thanks for sharing. it is not always easy to stand up and say this is who I am, but that is when you are your most beautiful. when you are embracing who you truly are.