Recently Come Out As Genderqueer Or "i Walk The Line"

i am genderqueer and gothic I have recently been embracing this. Since the time that i can remember I am reminded of my ability to relate to both genders, but never feel like I fit in to either. I have been called anything from handsome to effeminate looking to butch looking to girly looking, but no one ever asked me how I was, who I was inside and i never quite understood it. On the one hand I feel like a boy on the other hand there is a deep seeded female feeling within me...a square trying to fit in a triangular hole. I'm have masculine features which don't help me much in trying to fit into the small and mormon town of Idaho Falls, ID. I get stared at and ridiculed and threatened, so sometimes I wait to put on my makeup or a skirt when i'm in a safe place. When I was little I was fascinated with my mother putting on her foundation, blush and lipstick, mascara...etc, I wanted that I wanted to be like her, but felt somwhere inbetween... I always have.


P.S the thing I hate most is when people say what a waste of a perfectly good man... it really makes me angry, because as I have said i am neither. (a man or a woman)

ravenstill29 ravenstill29
5 Responses Feb 14, 2010

"If I wear a three-piece suit, does it mean I won't resort to blackmail? If I won't pierce my ears, does it mean I won't break someone's heart?" <br />
Hatsuharu Sohma, defending his male cousin's right to wear the girls uniform, and his own right to accessorize, in school. <br />
Chapter 19, Fruits Basket, Natsuki Takaya<br />
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Haru makes a valid point here. What we wear and what we look like can never change who we are. The world should really just let us be who we are. I'm am goth and preppy, bubbly and subdued, outgoing and reclusive. I am male and female. And I'm starting to be OK with that. I am the rainbow of me, and you are the rainbow of you. And your rainbow is just as beautiful as anyone's.<br />
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(p.s. if you have never read Fruits Basket, you should. It's all about accepting yourself and others, about being an "outcast" or "fitting in", about bigotry and hate, and it's really good.)

No one should have to run away from their home, but when we don't fit the mold, or rather, can't stuff ourselves into the mold, the reality is that the safest place (never entirely safe) is a city, preferably on either coast. Don't run away, walk away. You have to look out for yourself and you'll want to be around as many people who are either the same as you or don't judge you for who you are. I truly believe that prejudiced people are either afraid of what they don't know or understand or are jealous that they don't have the balls to be who they really are. Get away from there. It would be the healthiest choice.

Shame that the world is so Binary. Look at all the shades of Grey. People miss out on so much when they don't explore or acknowledge what is in between--their loss.

Having been to that neck of the woods I can imagine how tough it is. I spent a week in Rexburg, and the feeling of oppression permeated the place. I feel for you geographically gender-wise. <br />
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Perhaps you can move somewhere more open minded? No an easy thing to do, but it sounds like something that might help you feel more accepted for who you are.<br />
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You have nothing to be ashamed of, you are who you are. So what you are a genderqueer goth, its who you are and you can't change it. If people can't accept you for you, then they can screw off.

*claps*<br />
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indeed you are are just you.<br />
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Good for you!