Depressed, Scared, Lonely Genophobic Teenage Girl...

I have been Genophobic all of my life(from the moment I knew what sex was).

I have never been raped or inappropriately touched before; nor have I ever witnessed a rape or ever experienced any other sort of trauma that would explain for my irrational fear that I have when I comes to sexual intercourse.

I am a Bisexual, 19 years old girl. and I am a virgin.

I find people attractive, I get sexually excited/horny, I get some urges every once in a while...but, when it comes to sex, I am afraid of just about everything that comes along with it... I am afraid of being seen naked, being touched, not being 'good' at it, afraid of having a panic attack right before or during, afraid of bleeding and pain(from my hymen tearing). All that, and I find both the female and male sex organs disgusting.

So. Much. Fear.

I have never been in a relationship before. I've never been on a date. I've never even had my first kiss. How pathetic is that!?
I am so incredibly depressed and lonely. I WANT a relationship; but I know that with a relationship comes sex(it seems like that's all anyone ever wants).

I want to have someone to hug and to kiss. Someone to hold hands wit.h. Someone to laugh with and talk to. Someone to be there for me. Even someone to share my bed with. Just NO SEX. .....what a silly fantasy :'(
delicatelydestroyed delicatelydestroyed
18-21, F
Jan 11, 2013