Depressed, Scared, Lonely Genophobic Teenage Girl...

I have been Genophobic all of my life(from the moment I knew what sex was).

I have never been raped or inappropriately touched before; nor have I ever witnessed a rape or ever experienced any other sort of trauma that would explain for my irrational fear that I have when I comes to sexual intercourse.

I am a Bisexual, 19 years old girl. and I am a virgin.

I find people attractive, I get sexually excited/horny, I get some urges every once in a while...but, when it comes to sex, I am afraid of just about everything that comes along with it... I am afraid of being seen naked, being touched, not being 'good' at it, afraid of having a panic attack right before or during, afraid of bleeding and pain(from my hymen tearing). All that, and I find both the female and male sex organs disgusting.

So. Much. Fear.

I have never been in a relationship before. I've never been on a date. I've never even had my first kiss. How pathetic is that!?
I am so incredibly depressed and lonely. I WANT a relationship; but I know that with a relationship comes sex(it seems like that's all anyone ever wants).

I want to have someone to hug and to kiss. Someone to hold hands wit.h. Someone to laugh with and talk to. Someone to be there for me. Even someone to share my bed with. Just NO SEX. .....what a silly fantasy :'(
delicatelydestroyed delicatelydestroyed
18-21, F
7 Responses Jan 11, 2013

This is exactly how I feel, I'm a 20 year old female, bisexual, still a virgin, never dated, had my first kiss or anything. I also dream of a relationship, I get horny, and in general appear pretty normal. But whenever I feel like someone is sexually interested in me and especially if they try to get physically close in any way, i completely panic, feel like I'm suffocating, like I might throw up, my brain goes blank and I desperately want to get away from that person. Just hugging a guy tends to freak me out. Funnily that is not the case when it comes to girls, I have no problem to cuddle or even kiss my female friends on the cheek, but guys I struggle with. I generally try to stay away from guys if I can, and avoid making friends with them. My best solution for a relationship would probably be to date girls :) <br />
It's hard sometimes, but usually I don't think about my condition, only really when guy friends start making a move at me, because that's when it gets scary, sad and complicated :/

Its not a silly fantasy. I feel the exact same way... I don't know what more to say in consolation coz I'm pretty much depressed, scared and lonely myself. But you are still quite young. I'm turning 25 soon. So I guess you still have a lot of time to grow and explore. Indulge in activities that will take your mind off your loneliness and you might even find a guy who has the same fantasy when you are least expecting it.

Good luck, delicatelydestroyed.

I know the feeling... I hope things get better for you...

Ur situation sounds EXACTLY like mine but I'm older than u (25 later this year)! It's kind of nice 2 know I'm not alone as it feels tht way a lot! I kind of sumtimes don't feel human! It's also weird coz I get really attracted 2 men+I've been in short term relationships but other than me getting bored, I generally panic bout it goin 2 the next level+have 2 break it off!

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this... I am going through the same. It's painful. Every day can be so hard and so stressful. I end up having panic attacks when it's mentioned, which is very often, considering I am of college age.
Have you talked to anyone in person about this, not just online? Do any friends know?

No, I have never told anyone in person about my Genophobia. I am far too embarrassed to tell anyone that I know. I figure there is no point; they can't help me.

That is, I'm happy to report from experience, not necessarily the case. I have worked up the courage to tell people over the course of my life I felt intuitively would understand, and I have been right. I have even had relationships in which the guy actually respected these boundaries and let me establish physicality at my own gentle pace.
However, I understand that my path of opening up may not be something you would like at this time. I do recommend seeing a counselor and/or psychologist still though,

Every word you said describes me EXACTLY and I'm a guy so it's not impossible just unheard of lol :) I hope to not hate sex someday but it's difficult to change my perspective on the matter..

It is nice(and also sad) to know that there is someone who feels the same as I do... thank you for commenting

Even if we never get over our fears at least there are other people like us out there :) I would love a non-sexual relationship because I think I would actually get to know the person without unnecessary intimacy that always makes things go sour. Also, I just can't get over the feeling of "sex is degrading to women and you can't have sex without violating her even if it's consensual." How can I respect someone enough to be intimate with them and then be expected to degrade them? It all sounds so stupid but no one else seems to understand because it's natural to them.