Leaving A Good ManI know I am giving up what some people would kill for. To set the stage, know that I was in a bad marriage, starting at age 19, for 9 years and had 2 children. My ex-husband had multiple affairs, was verbally abusive, and had become physically abusive, so I finally left and took my children. A year later I met a very wonderful man. He was good to me, but physically we lacked chemistry. I knew that he would treat me well, and decided maybe that part wasn't a big deal. Over all we got along well. We lived in a fairly small town and I worked, but stayed home after we had our own children. I was a good wife and mother, cooked, cleaned, and did all the things I was supposed to do. Then we moved to a big city so that he could follow his career. It was more expensive there and I felt trapped. I was home and didn't know anybody and we couldn't afford to do anything. I finally was able to get a job working for a company doing just data entry that I did from home. It eased the financial trouble but took a lot of time and I still missed the interaction with other people. I began to move up in the company and was asked to do some travel. I loved it! I continued to receive promotions and take on more responsibility. I never imagined I could ever have a real career and do something I could be proud of, and I not only found one, but loved the work. After our move, my oldest son did not handle the move well. He began getting in trouble and he and my husband clashed. Between loving the work, it felt good to get away. When I was away, all I had to be was the job, but when I went home, I had fights between my son and husband going on, as well as 3 other children needing things from me. I had always been submissive and tried to do what everybody expected of me, but it was like something snapped and I didn't feel I could just sit and let things happen the way they were. I took some initiative to get my son some help against my husband's wishes. His advice was to kick him out and let him figure it out. My son is now in the military and doing well, but only because I went against my husband's advice. That began to deepen the rift between us. He later asked me to quit my job, but I refused. I know this was tough on my kids for me being gone so much, but I also know they were lucky they did and do have a wonderful father. I was home on the weekends and would make sure everything was set up for them for the week and would take each of them on special dates to spend some time together. I eventually did choose to quit that job but knew I loved the industry and didn't want to give up my work. I chose to start my own company. It has been hard, and my husband has tried to be supportive.
So, that is the full background.... now, the company is just starting to prosper and I have signed some deals that mean I will have to do some travel again. My husband said he can't go back to that, and I told him that I just don't love him anymore and that we have struggled to make it work for the last 3 years. I just feel I need my own life. I have never been really on my own and finally feel strong enough. The worst part is that I do feel guilty. I don't want to hurt my children or husband, but I know I am. The older kids have been supportive and want me to be happy. My younger children are 6 & 8. I talked to my oldest daughter, 16, and said maybe I should stay until they are grown, and she told me that was crazy. That is a long time to be with somebody you don't love and that the kids were going to be fine. My husband is so angry with me and says I am being selfish and putting everybody at risk for my own selfish desires. I guess I am looking for somebody who may have a similar experience and can tell me how things worked out for them.
stephaniecl35 41-45 8 Responses 0 Jan 30, 2011