She Was A Wonderful And Caring Woman, What Happen?????This week will be our 10th anniversary and it's not going to be a happy one. We've been separated since November and it was a shock when she asked me to move out and give her some space.
Now I'm mature enough to admit that it always takes two and there is always two sides to every situation. She said I was angry all the time and I looked at her with contempt or disappointment and she's right about that, but when you hear what I've put up with for the last few years you'll understand. Most of my friends have told me that my behavior was and is a direct reaction to her behavior and the things that have gone on in our lives.
First off she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and she started taking prescribed pain killers, heavy duty pain killers. I'm sure this was the start of her personality change, as she started not maintaining the house, doing laundry, or even cooking. The last few years have been hell as she had 6 auto accidents, including one total, then wrecking the rental car. During that time the doctor had changed her medication and she was zoning out in the middle of a conversation or even in the middle of a bite of food. I did an intervention with her mom, dad, myself and the pain doctor. He was unaware of the circumstances because she hadn't been truthful with him about what was happening and he quickly changed her meds. Then I suffered a heart attack and almost died, when I was finally released from the hospital, she crashed her car, saying it was because she was crying with relief that I was going to be ok and that makes perfect sense. But we only had the car back for 4 days and she left to go pick up her son and he came in the door about 30 minutes after she left and I asked, "where's your mom". He said that she never showed up and I thought, OH CRAP, headed out the door, got about 1/2 mile away and there was the accident. The next day she took my car to work and I took hers to get another estimate, that morning she wreck my car, saying she'd been cut-off on the freeway.
Then we have her being fired from 4 jobs, and the last one she traveled quite a bit. She was gone most of the week and I made sure that she came home to a clean house, laundry done and nothing for her to do but kick back and relax. Then in the same month of 2009 we both lost our jobs, she was fired again and the store I was working for closed because of the economy. I was able to find a job immediately and we took a cheap vacation and the familys cabin. Well my job got to be very busy and I was averaging anywhere between 10-16 hours a day. She was off an entire year and I would come home and have to do my laundry, the house was filthy, dishes and laundry where rarely done. I kept trying to ask in the nicest way what she was doing all day. Then by shear accident, I was trying to do something nice for her by washing and vacuuming her car when I discovered that she was smoking. I married a nonsmoker I thought, it turns out that she had taken it up to hang out with a woman she worked with and she had been smoking for a year. I became angry and said that it was quit or I'll leave, so she said she'd quit. Her kids had told me that they had been begging her to quit, one of them had been smashing her cigarettes when he could find them. She was also gambling some, but probably more then I actually knew about. I also must say that there was a suspected drinking issue, but I never had actual proof, just a lot of circumstantial events. The final straw was she left to go to the store and was gone for hours, I finally gave up and went to bed, found out later when she got home that it took her son going to find her at the casino and helping her get home as she was too drunk to stand.
I did another intervention with her mom and the family doctor, she was pissed and said she didn't have a problem and that it was depression. I said we need to fix this, she needs to fix this or I'm out of here. She did fix it, got a job, seemed to straighten up, started taking care of herself better. I didn't mention the weight gain and how her diet was awful and what she was eating had a huge effect on her fibro. I'll admit to being a nag about it as I wanted her to feel better so we could do more things together. Well, she ended up telling me that I was acting like her parent, treating her like a child and did I know how that made her feel, so she needed some space to think about things. Then she said after about 3 weeks that she thought we should go our separate ways.
Now, here's the really sad part. One of my friends called me and had asked me about what was going on because he had heard from a friend of his that knew her that she had changed her status on a certain site. He also mentioned that another guy had been hitting on her pretty hard. So when I got a chance I looked up the postings and sure enough this guy had been romancing her. Well, long story short, month and a half after we separated she was sleeping with this guy. That hurt more then the divorce, how could I be tossed aside like a used sweater...
Through advice from a lot of friends, family and my attorney I have stopped communicating with her. I'm done and I'm letting my lawyer handle everything. She actually sent me a text message telling me that I was taking the easy way out and that she couldn't believe that I could actually do that to someone I was married to. So it seems that in her world it's not ok to speak to someone that's broken your heart, but it's perfectly ok to sleep with someone when you're still married and you've only been separated for a little over a month...
If I admit the truth, I miss her and her smile, but I don't miss the drama and I know that I'm at least better off without her. I hope that also applies to her. I also have to admit that I currently feel like I can't trust anyone ever again with my heart, my feelings and my love. I'm still sorting things out and at times I feel quite alone.