Afraid Of Being Alone

I signed the divorce papers today. I expected to be emotional, but luckily I felt strong and clear-minded that I'm doing what's best. I've accepted the fact that our marriage of 7 years is over. It was totally unexpected. We just bought our very first home in 2009. But as I said, I've accepted things.

What's killing me is the fear of the unknown. I don't have family here in the US, and perhaps I am to blame for this, but I never built any strong friendships during the course of our marriage. I have acquaintances-- co-workers, etc. but no close friends. My life revolved around my husband. I became close to his circle of friends, and I really enjoy their company. But I don't really have friends of my own.

I am so afraid of being alone. The fear is overwhelming. Once we sell the house and I move out, I will be completely on my own. I dread the thought of coming home to an empty apartment, having no one to talk to. Even now that we're emotionally separated but still living under the same roof, I dread weekends because I have no where to go, and no one to spend time with. I'm so afraid of what it would be like when I finally have to move out and have no one to be with.
sfgiants78 sfgiants78
31-35, F
4 Responses May 20, 2011

How are you feeling now? I see you posted this a year ago and I am barely going through the same situation although i was never married ;( I was with him for 5 years and he never even mentioned the word "marriage" I asked him yesterday and the coward blamed me for not getting married "Its my fault" he says I got wth him when I was 19 he was 36 now Im 25 he is 42 I feel like I wasted 5 years of my life ;'(

I know how you feel after 19 years of marriage we are getting divorced and I have no family, most of my friends live in another city.

Thank you for the words of encouragement, SharenSierra and Delilah5. I hope that tomorrow will bring a brighter future, too. I just have to hang in there and believe in myself. I know that I'm worth knowing and worthy of love and friendship. I just need to come out of my shell :) Thank you for reassuring me that I'm not alone!

First allow me to say I have empathy for your lost hopes, dreams and love,,,yet I also know that by your own honesty you have not found your fullness of life as an individual so how could you possibly be total and happy as a couple. Yes it is normal to be scared and have trepidation it is a healthy emotion but FEAR Is a crippling immobilizing emotion. Fear will hold you hostage, So before you lose yourself forever in the unknown..KNOW This you are more than a conqueror . You are a woman worth knowing you say that when you refer to your co-workers etc...Do you think that you have no close friends because you have chosen not to have a full life ba<x>sed on you and your needs...Read your own words and see that you need to value you...I do and I don't know you... My site for singles. You need to be your own friend first and work on loving all of you. Lonely is inevitable but not a death sentence. You will miss a rash if you had it for 7 years. What is happening for you know is the ability to attract a healthy nurturing love.