I Need Help!!!! I Am Separated And Depressed. Here Is My Story...I have been separated for a few weeks now and I am so depressed, sad and without any energies to go on with my life. I married what I thought was the love of my life after being dating for approx 5 years. He and I went to the same church and thus shared the same religious believes. During our courtship there were signs that marriage wasn't our best option. He had a DWI, had been to jail for beating up a friend, had filed for bankruptcy all of these things before he was 26 years old. When we were engaged he cheated on me and never told me, the only reason why he had to confess was because he thought he had got an STD from the girl he cheated with but it ended up being a urine track infection. From the beginning our marriage had problems, my husband didn't want to spend time together always running to his friends and spending days with them. He never wanted to talk about our problems and always used the excuse that he was tired. He always traveled for work and was away 6-7 months of the year, he would come see me approx once a month and would stay for a whole week. Because he was always away he used the excuse that he didn't want to talk about problems because he is rarely home so we never fought or talked about problems because I wanted to enjoy the little time we spent together. Well it was like this for 3 years. Besides that he is an alcoholic who would often and by often I mean 2-3 times a month he would disappear for days without picking up his phone or calling me. He would come back home saying that he was just having fun with his friends. He did this quite often until the last day we were together we had movie plans that evening and he disappeared even when he was away at work and would come to visit me he would dissapear and would only spend a few days with me. He always said he was with his friends and I believe him but it killed me everytime he did it. I was always worried he got into an accident because he was drunk driving or something happened to him. These feelings would turn into anger when he would come home a couple iof days later, drunk and saying he was with his friends.
I eventually cheated on him twice and that is why he left me. I did it out of anger because I do not even talk to the man I did it with nor do I ever want to have a relationship with him but I know I did wrong.
It has been a few weeks and I feel so sad and depressed. I feel like I want to get back with my husband and sort things out. I feel alone and I feel like the worst person in the world. I am already struggling financially. After I confessed to him that I was unfaithful he went crazy and slept with someone else that week, and then he left bad and was calling me and my family begging him to reconsider our separation and he wanted to start fresh, I said no because the marriage was completely broken. Now he is again working out of town and tells me he doesnt want me and he is having fun sleeping around. I don't feel bad that he sleeps around, but I do miss him and I am deeply depressed.
Is this normal? Should I ask him to reconsider? Why am I so sad and depressed? Like I am not sad he is sleeping around, I am just sad because I lost him. PLEASE HELP