When Does The Sadness End?My husband (of 9 years) and I have been separated for over a year now, and our divorce should be finalized soon. I am the one who left, because I was lied to, disrespected repeatedly, and he did not want to have sex with me. There was one instance of physical abuse as well. His gambling was his life, and after all that energy he put into it, he didn't have any much for me or the marriage. We tried counseling a few times and I stuck around for 4 years trying to resuscitate the marriage on my own but he is awful at communicating and does not understand that it takes effort in working on the marriage. He's a really nice guy, but just too passive. He says I'm welcome to come back to our marital home (where he is staying) anytime. I know he misses me, but I know he will not change. I know it's best for me to be without him, so why do I still get sad?
I get sad when I see couples or families happily going about their business... when my married friends announce that they are buying a new home, or having their first child. Yesterday I went shopping for a baby shower gift and was fighting back tears the whole time.
That was supposed to be me and my ex. I had so many dreams and plans, and I pictured all of them with him. It makes me sad to think that he might have other women in the house that we built for our future family, using my kitchen where I would lovingly make our meals, and makes me even more sad to think that he might treat another woman a lot better than he treated me, when I gave him everything I had. We were married when I was 21, and I was there for him before he had a steady job, and encouraged his success. I've been with him all through my 20's, the only steady relationship I have ever had, and now I'm all alone.
I've dated here and there, and even the communication, emotional, and physical connections are usually much easier than they were with my ex. But I always find some flaw in the guy before I get close and end it.
Is it unreasonable to still be sad after years of being miserable and almost 18 months of being separated? Will I ever find happiness again?
borntoblossom 31-35, F 4 Responses 0 Oct 1, 2011