Going To Ask For A Divorce Tonight, Again!!

I've been here posting I'm getting a divorce. I waited through the holidays and see if things will changed to be better. The year started out ok. She came home to celerbrate new year eve with me and our son. We had sex for the next four nights in a row. Though the new year will change her heart. Guess I was fooled. It maybe guilty heart and not change of heart. She can't quit her affair. It feel like it's getting stronger and not weaker. She is out everynight with him having dinner and come back afterward. I can go on, bottomline, I can't handle the pains and suffering anymore. It must stop!! and it will be tonight. I need to tell her it's either him or me. I know she will pick him. I just wanted her to say it so I can once and for all bury my heart. I have a plan set up but it's useless. Still a long way to go to implement it. I just can't handle the pains anymore!! It's too painful to see her walk out of me everynight to be with him!!
Gosh I sounded so pathetic... I'm a man! Suppose to man up and be able to take any pain. Instead, I sound like a kid wanting / missing his mommy.. I'm too reliant to my wife!! I need to cut the cord!!
At EP, I stress to work thing out to the best of your abilities before calling it quit. I haven't done my best yet. Here I am quitting.. I'm such a hippacrate. I can't practice what I preach. I'm so f**ked. I've got to stop my miseries!!! I have got to stop my pains!!! Will the other side be peacful? LOL!!! I'm not dying here. WHy do I feel it's the end of the world? It's part of life, right? It's only cost me 25 years out of my 47 years of life. I still have plenty of year left, right? There must be a better life ahead of me!! I deserved better!!
ptat ptat
46-50, M
6 Responses Jan 11, 2012

P - You've hung in there and tried (I KNOW you have!!). There is just time when you come to realize your beating a dead horse (sorry if this ex<x>pression offends, it just is appropriate at times). I am 100% behind you my friend..I know change is hard (you know what I am talking about). I know good things are around the corner for you...You are a good person!! Hang in there okay! Big hugs for you and again, you have my support!<br />
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PT you've been so supportive and kind with your comments on my post. I had no idea you were going through this. First, let me say you deserve happiness. I agree with a previous post that YOU must file for divorce. Also, I understand desperation. Remember people only do what you allow them to do. However, I disagree with someone called the other man a "sugardaddy", I believe you have filled that roll. She can come home have you there for sex, financial support etc. and then she has her Sugardaddy that wines and dines her, is intrigued by her etc. Trust me, he's only intrigued because he doesn't have ANY responsibility with her. Find comfort in knowing that this affair once she enters that union full time will not last. It's just exciting for them NOW because it's taboo. If they decided to unite, they will have trust issues and find that the spontaneity will soon melt into monotony, and they will completely bore of one another. She will regret that she ever left you. You will regain you confidence (which she will find appealing, because right now you are appearing weak and the is very unattractive to a woman--I mean this in the kindest way) and then you will be in control of the situation. <br />
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It is a terrifying feeling to feel that you don't have control over a situation, and you probably find yourself sitting there when she is out, contemplating what went wrong, how to win her back, you beg, you plead, you get angry---nothing will bring her back, sweetie, nothing. But please try to not be biter and find forgiveness in your heart---NOT FOR HER---but it's for you. If you carry this resentment and anger in your heart, you will only bring in the darkness of hate in your spirit (if you haven't already) and you will find yourself miserable, unable to cope, feeling alone, regretful, and worthless. Find that the biggest forgiveness that you can give is forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for all the mistakes you've ever made, and forgive her for all the mistakes that she's made. It is very difficult to find peace. I use a mediation CD and practice Transcendental Meditation that has truly helped me through some very trying times. Listen to the voice within you. Go into silence, but don't say in silence. Find others around you for a good support system. You are not to blame, PT. These are things that we just simply don't have control over. He isn't the better man, in fact he probably isn't half the man you are--trust me. He's just giving her what she "thinks" she needs right now. That is all. So don't sit at home thinking he "won". He didn't win anything...the only thing the other man has or will acquire is a headache. You...heartache...but, it will mend. It takes time and effort but it will heal overtime. A big hug to you PT....a big hug....<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Pt you cant expect her to file the divorce. She has you and her sugar daddy, why in the world would she file? You have to take control of your life. You will have to file, she wont. Its time for you to determine your future, not her.

your path won't be easy, at least not at first..it is very hard to get over being so badly hurt..but..the thing is..you will get better, and you will finally come to see that you deserve someone to love you , the way you love them..<br />
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I did it!!! I asked her a divorce. I said it calmly and stated my reasons. I told her I wanted to be a man again. Now I needed to follow through with it. Not all talk... No lip services.. Got to have the paper ready for her to sign. <br />
I feel liberated and scared at the same time.. What have I done? Will I be ok ?

You will be ok. You deserve someone who will choose you. You cant stay in a relationship where you know they do not put you first or you wonder who they are thinking about when they are with you, that will make you miserable. I would rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable. You need to take some time to heal. You did the right thing remember that, if she was having an affair she already made her choice.

Yes she did. I thought I could steer her back. It feel so weird seeing her from the otherside. I just can't believe 24yrs of devotion to her can end up like this! She was my queen.. :(

If this story is true, I can't believe that you have stayed this long. Does she know you know? That crazy.<br />
I wouldn't feel quilty if I was you. You need to separate yourself from a person like her. Get on with your life and don't look back.