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A New Twist

I married this man 4 years ago.  The relationships was rocky and he had major health issues. Actually, we both did.  He suffers from severe depression, lost his job and didn't work for 2 of the 3 years we were married.  He was very depressed and my children and he didn't ever get along.  So, we separated last summer & are amidst a divorce.  he's been pretty jerky making me to blame for the whole failed marriage.  I just heard from a friend of mine, actually, a young woman who stayed with us for 2 year with her baby, that he and she had a thing.  I called him and he said "i don't know what you're talking about but you can't put that on me".  and hung up.  I"m SO ANGRY at him I could spit.  This young lady has borderline personality disorder so I'm not sure who to believe.  I just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
alisondunn alisondunn 41-45, F 13 Responses Mar 25, 2007

Your Response


You have nothing to gain by calling him and confronting him.

hey, at least you are getting a divorce. Sounds like you should not expect the truth from him. As for your friend with the borderline personality disorder- look for friends you can trust and surround your self with the ones you can trust.

I find it hard to believe you never had a clue for those two whole years they got it on. Come on now, you noticed. Shouldn't ever have any kind of f*ckable "houseguests" overstay their welcome in your home, around your spouse. You're not a teenager u know this.

No matter what emotional hurdles someone may be dealing with, if you let them use it as an excuse for anything they tend to try and use it for everything. Other people are definitely on the right track with "what does it matter if it's over anyway". That's one necessary realization to get through a divorce with your heart and your head still in one piece. Good luck.

So what. Why do you care at this point where he put any of his body parts? Good riddence. Greener pastures ahead. Just a vague outline in your rear view mirror. Keep moving.

You should be very happy that you are getting your divorce. This latest news should make your decision feel that much smarter!!! Imagine if you hadn't ended it! So it may hurt now, but imagine how much worse it could've been. You're better off without him.

I watched this video on youtube where this guy has all of these comments that are worse<br />
than my experience..I put her name out there for the world to see. Atleast I didnt choke her......<br />
<br />
youtube<br />
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type or copy/paste<br />
<br />
vnasty baby daddy dayo<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
this female was so nasty<br />
<br />
you can leave as little or as much about your ex as possible<br />
nice to know that we are not alone

Don't get hung up on the past. you are getting a divorce. Past is past. So what he had the fling or had not, it doesn't matter now. You were divorcing him anyway. Your bout of anger is understandable, it shows that you are not over him yet. But don't get hung up on this.<br />
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Curious: why do you have a young woman live at your marital home when you have a difficult marriage to begin with? Consider not doing that again next time. But on the other hand, don't get hung up on this. You are on your way off to a new life.

Raise your standards. Have a clear vision of what you want - write it out - in a partner and don't be prepared to settle for anything less. Maybe also ask what is attracting you to such a person. Is it because you don't believe you can get or deserve someone who is productive, happy and healthy? What are your inner beliefs? This is an opportunity to look within and figure out what is going on.

Sorry that happened to you. Be happy to go forward, choose more carefully..this is your life you're living...OLTL

Just get he out of the house and sell it and move in with me

That's terrible... and not your falt. If he did have an affair it was because of his depression. That will always stay with him. He can't run from his own sins. They will follow him without any action from you. Being hurt so deeply can cause such deep sorrow and pain. Just be sure that you hold on to your own integrity in all of your actions. Don't let this change who you are. <br />
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I wish the best for you.

Hi,<br />
<br />
Sounds like you have some boundary issues and took on a man that was not good husband material. Were you hoping he would change with the responsibility of marriage?<br />
<br />
Next time get a man who wants to be your husband and care for you and work together with you on issues in life. <br />
<br />
Otherwise, is it not possible that staying single is better than some can of worms tied to your pyche?<br />
<br />
Let him go. Think of it as a good learning experience and as one more thing to forgive yourself for doing. <br />
<br />