I Thought I Was Getting A Divorce Until,

Here I go again!! Back to square 1. I asked for a divorce several months ago. Got all the paperworks ready. Going to file it after the tax season is over, in 16 days. Within these couple of month, my demeanors changed. I've gotten positive about where my life is going. Confidences are there. Work ethic are there. My self esteem are rebuilding.

Everything is going great until she started to waltz back into my life. Our marriage warmed up. Her affair is still ongoing yet it's on a downward trend. It feel like there is still a chance. She no longer discount me out of her life. At the same time she is not taking me back. She is just re-evaluating. Yet , Intimacy, sex are there. There are moment where love is being discussed.

My mind set is now weakened. Am I being an idiot thinking I may have a chance? Am I rushing into situations foolishly? I have a plan and I needed to stick to it, right? Am I being played? Her affair is not over yet. She wanting it to be over. He would't let her go and he is just too much fun to be with. Last night they stayed out all night!!! I know that action is already a deal breaker. Why do I wanted to over look it and wanting to make the marriage work?

I wanted a divorce from this woman I am deeply inloved with. It doesn't make sense at all!!! Is this a sign of weakness? stupidity? I'm willing to leave. Why am I staying?
ptat ptat
46-50, M
5 Responses Apr 1, 2012

She only wants you back because her affair is fizzling out. You are being used. Stick to your guns - get the divorce, or this will become a repeating cycle.

P - You've been dealing with this for a long while...I know you love your wife and you really want things to work out, but it sounds to me that she gives you just enough to keep you going thus giving you the hope that things can be like they once were (stringing you along)..I wish you the best my friend, I know the struggle of to stay, to go, or what..Believe me I do.

No disagreement that love can be illogical. Marriage is serious stuff in life. You didn't say how long you were married, if there are kids or what you both are looking for in life.<br />
<br />
Best advice I can offer is go slow, don't spend your time looking for signals she is still interested, focus on yourself, and if she comes looking for reconciliation think about what you want. Before getting involved again be as sure as you can that she is through this phase, and is ready to make it work.

I feel your pain. I too have come to this crossroad and now in the beginning stages of divorce with my wife. We have three kids together and she is a narcissist. There is another man in her live she says is just a friend but this crap has been going on for 8 years with this guy she says is just a friend. It my be just emotional but I'm not to sure anymore. I have been married for almost 10 and this guy has been a subject for most of it. When I try to bring the subject up she changes the subject or gets on the defense. She filed a restraining order that says I have been beating her and the kids which is untrue and now wants a divorce. I broke into her email and found a itinerary for a flight for this "friend" from back east telling me that he will be here on April 13 staying the weekend. I'm finished with her but still have to deal with the future abuse and this big punch from out of nowhere. I'm afraid of the future and miss the very few good times we shared. I feel sorry for her and the narcissistic behavior. I've been on websites and have read that I should run from her. She cannot change. So good riddance.

Tough one. Love is stupid. I wish you all the best in any decision that you will be taking. <br />
Pray to God for direction.