Is It Possible To Feel Love And Hate For The Same Person?I have to say that even writing about my upcoming separation feels somewhat self-indulgent but I suppose it might also be a bit cathartic??
We've been married 27 years (yes, I know, crazy, isn't it?)
I do believe that many, if not most, marriage breakups are really a matter of differing perceptions of the same events. My wife thinks she has been irritated to the point of needing to breakup because of my reaction to the pressures created by the recession on our jointly-run business. The main irritation, she claims, is the fact that I haven't fully respected the contribution she has undoubtedly made to the saving of the business. She is also deeply upset with the fact that I don't want to discuss any business events when we come home at night. She sees that as me not being prepared to support her with her own difficult business situations.
But my perception is that, although she is entitled to be irritated, my reactions were understandable, not worthy of such irritability and that she is over-reacting. I also think that she has a history of over-reacting as a result of being treated very badly as a child and, combined with menopausal mood swings, she loses her temper too frequently for the good of our relationship. A bit like the movies she likes, melodramatic black n whites!
So, I don't really blame her for where she's at because I kind of detach the behaviour from the person. Additionally, she is such a really great person in so many other ways but I'm still bitter about the financial and emotional implications of the breakup.
Hence, my headline to this story....there are times when I'm so upset by it all that I hate her. Then, on other occasions I could throw my arms around her to protect her from everything (including me! LoL)
I also sometimes think that maybe she is doing me a favour by saying she wants out. We've always had our ups and downs and are, on several levels, not suited. And there is no way that I would want to continue with the present atmosphere between us. But we've had so many good times (including two great kids) that I kind of feel that, at our ages, we should make the best of it because we've always had a "good-enough" relationship which I'm told by a counsellor is better than most people have in their late fifties early sixties.
Anyway, I suppose I do feel a bit better now even if none of you find this interesting enough to get to the end of it!