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Divorce Thoughts

I would like to speak from the heart and hopefully someone will believe me.
I’m going to start with this. I need to change. I want to be honest. In the past, I have lied, cheated, stolen, womanized had issues with gambling, ***********, ************, infidelity, possibly even prostitution. I am not proud of these things. In fact, I used to be completely ashamed of these things, to the point that no one knew about these things. When I was young and tried to get help, I felt like I was out casted and betrayed by both family and friends, so I kept these things secret from everyone around me. I bottled them up and thought it was my burden to bear alone. Now, I don’t care if the world sees what I have done. Hopefully, if they know, if my kids know, if my family knows, they can see the hurt it has caused and not do the same things. Life is real and I grew up in a family that never talked about feelings or struggles.
That is where I need to change.
Now, let me talk about the other part of me, about my dreams. I have a dream to build a future for my family. One day, I will buy a house for my kids to live in. It is not about if I will buy a house, it is about when I will buy a house. I will also buy a house for my sister in law, my wife’s sister, who is a currently a single mother.
I want to help my community. I walk around the world and I see a world full of people with power. For some reason, they do not use this great power. There are opportunities all around us, even in the poorest neighborhoods and I want to mentor and encourage people to take those opportunities. I want to have an influence on people and help them to take action. I need to take action. I need to gain commitment and a conviction.
But these are just words. Actions speak louder than words. So let me tell you what I have done towards my dreams. Maybe you will believe in my dream despite my character flaws. At this moment in time, I have built a close to 20K in an emergency fund, close to 50K in a retirement account, and several college funds and have two homes which are in the process of cash flowing.
Some interpret this as being greedy. Building a future for family is greedy. It is all about money, they say. Some think money is evil. You know what money means to me. Money means time with my family. Many parents have to work, but my wife has not had to work these past year throughout our marriage. Why? Because of money. I have enjoyed taking 2 to 3 vacations a year, up to this point and spent time with my kids. How? Because of money. Am I working to build a legacy, to give them the opportunities in life that will set them financially and allow them the same benefits? Yes.
How do you think that makes me feel when I am constantly told that I am being greedy? Do you think this negativity steers me towards my faulty character traits or my dreams? What about when I am attacked by Leech over here saying I don’t know how to fill out official paperwork or that I will be served at work? What about when I am told that I am a bad person and a lazy husband? If I want to reach my dreams, I need to have an environment that is positive, full of people who support my dreams.
I hope our system and courts can protect me from some of the negativity.
When it was time to get a new car and I had money in the bank to pay cash for a new car, a car that I would have liked, did I buy a new car? No, I bought a car that would serve my needs, so that my family could benefit more. When it was time to divorce, what did I do with the emergency fund? I handed it to my wife because we were in an emergency and I knew I could bounce back from an struggles ahead. So you ask, why do I fight for the two houses, why do I fight for a cap on the child support and alimony?
I fight for these things, because I want to build. I see my wife as someone who constantly tears down what I am trying to build. She has probably spent the emergency fund despite getting bi weekly payments that support her needs. She accrued 20K in credit card debt despite having enough. She needed 15K in dental work from not taking care of her teeth. I feel she does not do today what it takes to build a future. Do I want her to have a house? Yes. Probably one day I will buy her a house, despite all the pain and suffering she has caused me. But I will give this house to my kids, because I fear she will lose a house if she ever got one. I have no doubt that she would sell the houses if given them.
I am willing to do whatever it takes to build. If I have to get a second job, I will. If I have to reinvent myself, I will. However, if I do, I want protection, that allows me to be able to fully use this extra effort to build. I want protection from the negativity, protection from her saying she deserves more. She already is getting more than many people without even needing to work. I am asking to allow me to build a better life, without additional financial burdens. I know from past experiences and actions that if you allow me to build, I will. Building will benefit my family and my community.
In the past, I paid my sister in laws car insurance. When I asked my wife to fill out the citizenship application for her own sister, she didn’t. I did. I donated to churches and school programs. These are the types of things I am proud of and will continue to do. If I build, she will benefit anyway.
If I work more, I see her trying to come after me, because she always wants more and more. Here is an example. When my back started hurting and I asked to get a new bed, I asked her if we could get one. She told me that after I fixed all the carpets in the house and she got her new couch, I could get a bed. I fear very much her coming after more, never being satisfied with what she has. On the other, would I go after her if she builds a business that makes six figures. No. I would be happy that she is building a life and that she is building for our kids.
ooze07 ooze07 31-35, M 1 Response Jul 4, 2012

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You are manning up and owning your mistakes and faults while trying to better not only your life but the life of your children. It is no easy task my friend but it is a task that is well worth the effort, one of the hardest lessons I have learned in life is that no matter how much I believe in others that doesn't mean they in return will believe in me, so I know now that I must believe in myself and you should as well. Stay Strong, Stay true and Fear not.