How Many Here Talked About ?

A show of hand, how many here talked about getting a divorce, contemplated on it, and finally did it? How long did the divorce dance took place? We have been talking about separations and divorce for over 2 years now. Still no actions. Before, it's she wanting to separate and I don't. Now, it's me wanting to and she is content with the loveless marriage. Still dancing after all these years. I think the music finally stopped for me. Am I alone?

Follow up:

After posting this story, I finally got enough courage to ask again for a divorce. This time with full intentions to follow through with it. I have no plans. All I have is I know I can survive without her. The pains she had caused me are so painful, it's numb to the touch. For 5 years, I gave and she took. My inner core tells me Family come first. Must keep family unit as a whole. Suck up the miseries and one day it will be better. I've been chasing the Happily thereafter Rainbow. Trying to beat the odds of not being a statistic. Well, I am a statistic now. Married for 24yrs, age 48, male, two kids, one adult (f), one teenager (m), Self-employed, asset $1.5mil. Reason of divorce: Ir-irreconcilable differences. Requesting full custody of the child. Asset split 50/50, Liabilities: assume all. The dark clouds are giving way to a big bright Sun. The rainbow is slowly fading. It's time to venture out and enjoy the Sun, on my own. My soul are fully exposed, hope I will not get burn this time around.

Thx EP, your site been very supportive and I had made a lot of friends here. A lot of courageous and sad stories. Will use it and learn from it. Again,  I just wanted to said thx to all and good living.
ptat ptat
46-50, M
4 Responses Jul 20, 2012

I hear you brothah. What I don't get is split the assets in half but you get all the liabilities? Scares the crap out of me .... we're starting mediation in a little over a week.

I have travelled a lot of this same road though I'm a few years younger than you. Like you, I stayed for years and years past the point of detachment and emotional dis-investment for the sake of my kids and keeping the family unit together. What really knocked it off dead-center for me was an affair I had earlier this year which made very, very clear to me exactly what it was I was missing in my marriage and in my life. Now I am a month or so away from divorce being final, 50-50 asset and custody split, the affair ended and STBX has moved out but one thing I have learned: it's better to be lonely by yourself than lonely with someone.

I feel your pain, I didn't want to go through this, my ex and I never discussed separation or divorce. I was told to leave in January, I tried to get family marriage counseling, she refused. I decided in March, after all of the phone calls telling me how terrible of a person I am to file. My divorce will be final 9/18. Good luck to you through yours. ironic. I called it the divorce dance in one of my stories. Heck no, you're not alone. The challenge is, once you make up your mind one way or the other, you have to act on it. I told my stbx that I wanted out back in March. I had contemplated it for years...never shared my contemplations with him, only my misgivings that led to the contemplations. Our divorce will be final in September.