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Another Hurdle

Today was a big day in my divorce. My soon to be ex came by today to get the rest of her stuff. She hasn't lived with me for over a year, but it still felt horrible. I had packed all of her stuff up and put it in the garage so I wouldn't have to see her. I was holding it together pretty well until after she left and I saw her key sitting on a counter where she left it. That was when I just lost it. It felt like someone was stepping on my chest. I spent the rest of the day in a daze and cried a lot.

I know she thinks I am the bad guy and that I am happy to have her gone. She has said as much to me in the past. I know she is having just as bad of a day as I am. Some people tell me I need to get angry, since she left me, but I just can't. I'm not that kind of person. Others tell me I will be over it some day, but again, how do you get over this?

I really feel like my life has no meaning. I know that it does in some way. I good job and teach on the side, but it all just feels hollow since she left.
damionco damionco 36-40, M 2 Responses Sep 1, 2012

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HI, I know exactly what you are going through - just finalized a divorce a few weeks ago and finally gave back all the stuff of a 15 year marriage. Here is what I know..

1. You cannot escape the pain, but have to work through it. How? Write about it, watch movies, cry and give yourself time to get over it.

2.Don't get involved with ANYONE else !! Wait until you are whole again - otherwise, you will just feel empty

3. Put the pain in tiny packages of time that you control - in other words, give yourself permission to focus on the upset, but when the time is up, then put it to the side and do something positive.

4. Try to do new things just to change your patterns. For example, if you always went to a particular grocery store, try a new one - or - if you haven't been to church in years, attend a service.

Hope that you find some of this helpful!

S

Thank you for your words. I have tried to do things to move forward and it doesn't seem to affect my sense of self-worth. I have always been one of those people who is harder on himself than others. I know it will take time, but it seems like two years should have me a little farther along than I am. I was only married for eight years, so I can only imagine what you must have gone through.

The human mind is one of the most beautiful and horrible things in the world all at once. How it can be capable of the most intricate logic and reasoning. Yet, there is no easy way to fix it when it breaks.

I am just trying to take it day by day.

I sorry for your pain. May I ask why you guys divorced?

It's a bit complicated, but nothing severe. I didn't drink, do drugs, cheat, or beat her. I really think it was miscommunication more than anything. Things that I would say that would upset her, even when I wasn't trying to upset her. Things that she took as trying to make her feel bad that weren't meant to. I also think that a lot of depression on both sides didn't make things any easier. One of the reasons was also things that she said that made me feel inadequate in the relationship. How I should make more money and of course wanting children. Just like a lot of people we ended up as roommates more than anything. Just slowly drifted apart, but that didn't make the pain any less. Probably a little cryptic, but I still have a hard time talking about it.