When Your Not Picked

I'll keep this to a 'short' version. I seperated from wife in december and filed for divorce in mid-august. But why? What happens when the one you love(d) develops a problem, and it's a problem they won't get help for? In this case it was drugs and after I lost my job, I realized she not only had a problem...but how bad it was. Again to keep it short; she drained all our money, neglected the bills, and we became destitute. I finally reached out to my family for help, but it meant having to leave FL for PA to have a place to stay and to look for a job. After weeks of fighting....she chose drugs over me. And I had to leave. Had to get out of that place and situation. Tried to work it out for 8 months, but she's still using and won't admit she is (let alone has a problem). So now I'm living with family, working a new job, and in a town where i know no one. Not exactly where I pictured myself at 35 :)

*update* Thanks for the great comments, and I mean that! I held off on reading them for a while since i was expecting the normal troll BS.  Still working to get myself right and trying to let her see she needs help (I still care, and feel I need to try). Thanks again for the support!
RisenFromAshes RisenFromAshes
36-40, M
10 Responses Sep 22, 2012

Drugs are bad, mmkay?
Do what you've got to to get on with your life in a healthy way.

yeah they are... mmmkay.... lol
That's what I'm trying to do :)

How are you doing now? I had a friend go through a similar situation and it didn't end well for his wife :( However he got his happy ending - in the end:)

I am doing...OK. Waiting until December for finalization. As for her? I know things are not going very well....but, not much I can do about it

OK is OK sometimes :) divorce is hard - been through one myself...and add an addiction to the mix would make it worse!

OK is better than the alternative lol It is very hard...something I know I never want to do again...but, almost through it. BTW...thank you for asking :)

I can relate. Sounds all too similar to my separation six months ago. Just replace the word Florida with Nevada & "took off to stay with family" with "sent the spun out b*tch to go live with her mother" LOL and there u have it. We're in the same boat!

I knew I couldn't be the only one! Hope your situation is going better than mine has :)

How can I put this in diplomatic way. Life is short and you shouldn't sit around waiting for someone that is going to deny drug addiction. Then again, I have live through the same thing. He got addicted to meth and my life was a living hell. I stuck it out for seven years. Sorry! My life and my kids are more important than this bullshit. He was served with divorce paper and he literally went insane.

Bottom line! Search for happiness or let come to you.

I'm doing everything in my will power to be the best I can be and achieve my goals. I don't have time for losers anymore.

I really wish you all the luck in the world.

I didn't stick it out that long...but the writing was on the wall (so to speak) long before that. I'm working on trying to make a better life now, and thanks :)
-And I wish you all the best and happiness in your quest to achieve everything and anything you want in life!

Hang in there gorgeous xx

Thanks, I'm doing what I can :-)

Stand by your woman, I like that ModelCitizen. I think it's a noble think and shows the quality of your character. Most people bail when things get tough but you tried to hang on. Maybe some day she will wake up from her fog and realize what a prize she lost in you. I know I'm envious!

Well thanks. Really. Never thought I'd be in this position, but here I stand today. I hope she does 'wake up'.... for her own sake, and so she can have a good future

Your loyalty and dedication gives me hope that all guys aren't dogs. I've been so disappointed with the guys my friends have picked or I picked. The only other guy who inspires me is my friend Gary who I think is a wonderful man and father. He is someone who believes in love and is now living it. I am so happy for him and I wish you the same ModelCitizen.

There are good ones out there (guys and girls)...and I'm just hoping I can meet the perfect one for me. And I hope the same for you too!

Sounds rough! I had a boyfriend when I was in my teens who was an addict. His drug of choice was whatever he could get his hands on. I tried to help him but he wasn't interested in giving them up. I finally had to let him go. I always wondered if there was anything else I could have done but I now realize that if someone doesn't want to get clean there is nothing you can do for them.

I'm glad that you got out of it and I really hope things get better for you soon! Take care!!!

Thanks! It does take a very long time to realize you can't help someone if they refuse to help themself first. A hard lesson, I will admit....but glad I figured it out (and you as well!) Thanks for you kind words :-)

You 're obviously a really strong person to have kicked your addiction. I hope she also finds her strength and that she comes back to you! If not, I hope you meet someone really special someday who can help you move past all the bad memories!!!

I don't know about strong, but it was just a matter of keeping on keeping on. As for her coming back, that time has passed....the damage done, and no way for it to be repaired. But thanks, I too hope I can find that special someone to make a better, happier life with :-)

You're still young and have lots of years ahead. Sometimes God removes ppl from our lives to make way for somebody who can truly love and appreciate us. I all of life's happenings there are lessons to be learnt. Look for the lesson, forgive and move on. It surely will get better.

I hear ya. Starting life over when you hit adulthood is hard. I'm still thinking "i'm almost 30 why isnt this easier?" "why cant i get a handle on adulthood?" but it's gotten easier over time.

i hope you give yourself time to heal.

You are right, you had to leave! Best of luck to you!