Hace tres años yo estaba enamorada. Three years ago today I married my boricua.

I guess I need to talk, so I figured I would write and share my story. Three years ago TODAY I got married and at this time I was on my honeymoon. I had just gotten married and I was 25 years old. I was so excited and so in love.....it seemed magical. And it was...... until the craziness started.
Only a few songs can explain what I went through with my husband.




That's right. I fell in love with my sexy puerto rican husband. (This song describes it perfectly.)  He swept me off my feet. What went from a beautiful happy marriage eventually turned into a nightmare.



 

The abuse started slowly, first it was words, and later turned physical......to the point that I left my husband 10 months ago. I knew that if I didn't leave I would be killed. I was still in love and it tore me apart inside because I knew my marriage was over. He even got arrested and was on probation for a year and had to take domestic violence classes. I held onto hope because he didn't touch me for acouple months, until about a month after getting off probation. I went through so much pain for months after kicking him out that I moved to another state and turned to drugs to relieve the pain, and I became numb. I only did the drugs for about two months and then decided that it wasn't helping so I gave that up. I couldn't seem to get on my feet or find a good job there, so I knew I would have to return home and face reality. So I called my parents and they welcomed me home and took me in. My ex husband and I used to live next door to them, so it was extremely hard having to see that house, and go through OUR belongings. (which I haven't done yet) (they are still sitting in the shed) I have been clean for about 6 months, and the hardest thing has been dealing with a failed marriage. I know it is not my fault. I was a good wife. I took care of him and always took care of the house and showed him alot of love. He cried over me for months and so did I, but I knew in my heart that he was never going to change. It's hard for me to talk about what I went through. It was like a love hate relationship just like the song above.
"I love the way you lie" - I listened to this song one night after he put acouple bruises on my body and destroyed things in the house. I played this song over and over again and I got completely drunk because I couldn't handle it anymore. I tried to kill myself, and my husband got so worried he picked me up and brought me to my mothers house. My mom knew what was going on. She could hear him yelling and slamming me into the wall, through her walls and it would kill her, but I told her to stay out of it. I was so in love and yet so blind at the same time. Finally I realized the truth after he lied and lied to me so many times. It hit me like a brick. "HE DOESN'T LOVE ME." "IN FACT HE NEVER DID"  He would tell me he loved me, and would do sweet things for me, hurt me, and then cry for an hour and promise to never do it again. I just now erased all our two years of photos on the computer; it was my way of saying Goodbye. It was the best decision I ever made and yet the hardest. I thank God we never had any kids. Today I sit, in my room alone, in my mothers house on the computer. My life is here now, until I can get on my feet again. I am 28. I am learning to breathe again. Thank you for letting me share.
krissyruiz84 krissyruiz84
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 7, 2012

I'm sorry for your pain I hope in time things will get better for you. Well done on staying off the drugs