It's Curtains!

I've been married for 6 years, and I was with my husband for two years before we got married. EIGHT YEARS and 2 children, a family of 4... is getting ready to vanish before my very eyes. Houdini, Siegfried Fischbacher, and Criss Angel couldn't pull off this kind of disappearing act, but a certain female that my husband has a crush on has. The coldest part about it is, allegedly, she doesn't know that my husband has fallen for her. Confusing isn't it?

My husband and I have been having problems for years, actually ever since we got together, but we always seemed to come back together and love one another. However, when things seemed to be going good between us a dig would be thrown, one of us would become defensive and shut down. We have both said cruel and insensitive things to one another, and now we are breaking up. I was told something extremely disturbing from a close relative that put me on edge and trigger past hurt that I was over. I was told that my husband said that he was going to leave me and take my children, then the story changed to just leaving me. I believed it because a few years ago while I was suffering from postpartum depression, my husband called me and told me that he was going to take custody of our children. I knew that he didn't come up with that on his own and out of the blue, a co-worker and his mother made the suggestion.

Our relatives have been at the epicenter of many of our disputes, my husband blames them for most of our marital problems, and while I agree that they played a role in it I can't pin the blame on them. However! His mother has been a puppeteer, and her mouth has been a shadow in my house and relationship. My mother has been as well, along with my dad and sister. My relatives and a family friend did not want me to marry my husband. After I got married my mother called our home almost everyday upset with me about what I had done. She was not only angry at us for eloping, but for getting married period. I would liken my marital life to the show Bewitched, my mother didn't like my husband, she even had a few not so nice nicknames for him. My husband was frustrated by my family's interference, which is understandable. Again, I can't place all of the blame of the family, because it was up to us to make our marriage work, and we didn't do that.

One thing my husband has always had trouble with is taking accountability for his actions. He has a problem with acknowledging his wrongdoings and apologizing. My biggest issue with him, is that he had difficulty being honest with me because he was scared of me and how I would react. Also that he refused to put me first, and of course I know that GOD comes before any man or woman, especially in a marriage. He refused to put me first as his wife, he allowed his family to disrespect me, he allowed co-workers and friends to disrespect me. We've had a sexless marriage for a very long time now, I mean maybe once or twice a month, or every other month.

Anyway, now that he's "coming into his own", I guess I'm not worth it anymore. We knew that we were going to separate and go to counseling to try to work things out first, but when I discovered that he is now attracted to a woman that he works with, well I guess I know where I stand. I can actually find some humor is this, I got my 'Reality Check' this morning when I went on facebook and saw that he has changed his relationship status from married to separated. So now, what we were going to keep discrete and only between us and our mothers, all of his family, friends, schoolmates, co-workers, and mutual colleagues can see it in black and white. It's not even noon yet and I'm knocking back Hennessy. THIS IS SOME MESS!, but I've got children so I have to keep my cool. Well, this is now my life and I think that... I don't know what to think. My shrink says that I'm "in denial" and as usual he's right.

I'm in that place, my feelings are exactly like that Gloria Estefan song Cuts Both Ways. Well that's all for now because he just called and I need to take this call... with some more Hennessy.
1LongingRose 1LongingRose
26-30, F
Dec 8, 2012