Why Do I Still Feel This Way?

I don't know why I'm still in love with a man that obviously doesn't love me anymore. Why do I keep throwing myself at him and hoping that he will love me back. I'm tired of making an idiot out of myself, because it's more that apparent that he wants out of this marriage. He told me that I didn't respect him, he wants me to take 100% of the blame for everything and when I let him know how he wasn't innocent in our issues, he cops out by saying that we're just not good together. He's a quitter and I don't know why I still want this man when he makes me feel so bad. What's wrong with me?

I went out shopping, you know, doing the usual girl thing. I wanted to buy clothes that would make me feel independent, I even planned on changing my hair (color and all), but all of the items that I bought were just things that I though would appeal to him. I've been buying perfume, undergarments, shoes, and beauty products. I even ordered Meaningful Beauty last night, I'm not one of those Shopping Network type of females. The truth is, that the man confuses me. He sends me mixed signals, the other night he told me that he loved me, and that he wanted to make things work. He kissed me like he hadn't kissed me in so long, but now I think that he was just doing that in hopes of getting in bed with me. As soon as I let him know that he was going to have to make up for what he did to me he switched. I was just being honest, how does a man tell his wife that he has feeling for another woman then expect things to be magical again in a few seconds? Not going to happen. It's not that I don't want to forgive him, I want him to really show me that he wants me and only me.

I'm very angry at him, and I don't want to feel this way. I also don't want to waste whatever time GOD has Blessed me with chasing shadows. Well, my baby wants me to off of this computer and play. So, that all for now.
1LongingRose 1LongingRose
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 13, 2012

You catch more bees with honey than you do vinegar. Everytime you are angry, write it in a journal. Everytime you want to say something sarcastic or mean, write it down. When the day falls and night is approching, children are asleep and you have a moment to think about yourself do so and write it down. Do you love this man? Can you truely forgive him? What will happen to your family?
No one person on this earth is without flaws. Its how you accept your flaws that make you who you are. Everyone should take responsibility for their actions, and everyone should forgive people of their wrongs. Forgiveness is not for them its for you. A heavy heart can not heal.