Getting Divorced And I Have No Clue What To Do.

My husband of 12 years told me he wanted a divorce just this past Christmas Eve. Then refused to talk to me about it saying he didn't want to ruin our daughter's Christmas Break. When I told him she had already began to suspect something he told me it was my fault because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. He told me that he loved me but was not "In Love" with me anymore and that he had been feeling this way for a while and that he is "Tired of living a lie". He has been the only man I've know for 17 years. We were together 5 years before we got married.I can't imagine my life without him. I also realize he feels what he feels and there is really nothing I can do about it. When we finally did talk about the divorce he told me that he wanted the house because "We had lived in it for 8 years and you obviously can't keep it clean." I do admit that I'm not the best at straightening things up but it is also notthem a total disaster. He also said that he was going to live in it for a year fixing what needed to be fixed so that he could sell it. He said he would put in the divorce papers that I was to get half the profit from the sale. We also have 2 children together. Our Daughter who is 11 and our son who is 9. Our daughter has ADHD and is finding it very hard to deal with what is going on. Right now he is playing the "cool" parent and taking her places like the mall. Our son is disabled. He has Hydrocephalus with severe neurological damage. He is in a wheelchair which our home has been set up for. He cannot talk but he is the happiest child I have ever seen. I am his primary caregiver. My husband wants to take that away by doing the One week at His place and One week at my place. We live in KY and in KY there is a waiver that we have for our son called the Michelle P. Waiver. It allows me to stay at home and take care of my son because my son is Medically fragile and cannot be in school. He has even said I'll let you watch the kids while it is my week so that you can put a full 80 hours down on the Michelle P. He then says "Well you're going to have them more than I will." I want to say "Then Just let me have them". I love my children and refuse to leave this house without them. He has convinced my daughter that she wants to do the one week with me and one week with him. she is now trying to talk me into it but I won't talk to her about it. He thinks he is being reasonable aboutthe whole thing. He also has people telling him that he is doing the right thing. I just don't think he is doing what's right as far as the children are concerned. I understand that we are getting divorced. I just want the kids they are my life.
tam1976 tam1976
36-40, F
3 Responses Jan 6, 2013

Beyond paper, if he wants to discuss further details, also record it and write it and have him sign it. Definitely speak to some lawyers, it sounds like he is screwing you over by not letting you have any say.

You get a lawyer. your spouse currently has the advantage, because he has been planning and thinking about this. You, unfortunately have been blindsided by this. Get a piece of paper, or go on word, and start making a list of all you concerns. You discuss all of this with an attorney. just because your spouse wants the home, does not mean he automatically gets it..bit you need to decide what works for you. where will you go. etc. What is the most practical for you. And be fair to your self. Your spouse sounds very intimidating.

I don't know if you have anyone to confide in, but if you did, that too would help. So, please start calling lawyers. you can also do a search of attorneys in your area on line.That is how i found my attorney. i wanted someone that was not vicious. i didn't want a shark of a lawyer. it would also be in your best interest to know the name of your husbands attorney..it helps to know if went for ruthless...

Hey, going through an unwanted and sudden divorce myself. We have no kids so I cant even imagine what you are going through. Just wanted to say keep strong, its a confusing time as you go through contradicting emotions and at many times need to relive them multiple times. I might not have alot of answers but if you ever feel like talking to anyone feel free to drop me a mail for support.