The Letdown Of My Life

We met in high school, dated 6 years, married 10 years, and have 3 children. Before we got married, I went to school and had a good career as a nurse. A few years later he decided he wanted to go back to school and we started a new adventure in another state away from our family and friends. That is when the isolation and the anger control problems surface. There were obviously some good times as we had 2 children. As out financial situation declined he continued to be lazy and wouldn't even get a part time job. He withdrew his love and affection as our arguments continued. He graduated from school with a huge amount of debt. I started texting/sexting online due to craving love and affection. After the second child we tried to work things out. We had a third child but the hurt and anger still lingered. He didn't trust me and I resented him for draining my financial well being, for isolating me, for not showing love and affection and him just sitting around the house. I wanted to get marital counseling but he refused to go in. I had threatened to leave him before and started looking at the options of divorce. He knew it too because he was hacking my accounts, we argued more than we talked, and emotionally I became withdrawn. I loved my kids but I hated coming and being at home due to him. I was planning on getting things arranged and then talking to him after the holidays. I knew how tough the sitation was, how hard it was going to be, and didn't know what his reaction was going to be. I just new I couldn't put up with the emotional, verbal, and now physical abuse. The second week of Dec. I started texting someone while playing an online game. It just started as a nice conversation but then the texts became more explicit. I wasn't looking for anything but that's when things started again. He of course found out and confronted me. I told him exactly how I felt and kicked him out of the house but not before he threatened me and himself and the cops being called. We have spoken a few times and he has come over to see the kids. He started threatening me last week and I had to file a protection order. I saw the lawyer on Friday to get things rolling. My life has become an emotional mess but things are getting better.