Love Rollercoaster

I am 24 years old, I have a 3 year old son and I recently filed for a divorce. I found out my husband has been lying and stealing from me as well as having a drug problem. I've known him since we were 15, fell in love at 17, had a baby at 20, married at 24, and less then a year of being married were getting a divorce. I have done everything in my power to help with his drug problem. I have him on my insurance and I've signed him up for Rehabs, and Addiction Therapy appointments. 3 weeks ago after telling me he wants a divorce he took 300 from the bank account and it was gone in 6 days. He didn't like that i had such control over the money but with his history i had no other choice. He swore he was clean and that he wanted to get better but the day after his therapy appointment he was out asking for drugs. I've realized that he is never going to change unless he wants to change and I can't make him better himself. He is very verbally abusive and acts as if this doesn't hurt him at all and that's what hurts the most. Someone I gave my life to, my heart and soul to and spent the last 6 years with can just up and walk away from his family to be free, to spend money as he pleases.

I am in GREAT need of some kind words because i feel sick all the time, I feel as if i can't breathe and i'm a zombie. I hope this feeling goes away soon because i can't take it anymore. :(