Divorce With Sadness But Not Anger

I know that many people when they get to this stage have anger but I don't. I have accepted that this has to happen.

I have told him a totally of 4 times now beginning 2 years ago but I went right back to how we were living. I am pretty sure that I did that because I just didn't want to make that step. If I ignored things I didn't have to handle it.

He was pushing me a few days ago and I finally told him: "I'm done. We must go our separate ways."   Again he forgot about that talk.............I must sit and re-evaluate that and I'm sure that I must have done something to give him hope again.

I told him again this past Friday.  I do not want to fix this.  But what makes me stop from taking that step is that I don't want to hurt him. I know that I will hurt him no matter what. The agreement we made is that the decision would be made in a few days.

Well I have two days and this time I have to put my foot down and not be swayed. I have to just tell him that for both our emotional, physical, and mental health, we have to go our separate ways. It is sad that it's come to this but ..............life does not give us guarantees. It gives us the choices to do something awesome.............. and if we don't, then we pay the consequences.......... that doesn't make us bad people...........Just people that should not have married.

These few days I must keep making myself STRONG to handle this. As they say if you are going to sit on the pot "DO IT" or just get off...........

I must just handle it now and not go for the easy way out!
Atreasure Atreasure
46-50, F
4 Responses Jan 23, 2013

Sorry to hear. Your son is a victim here. But, if you've made your mind. Be strong and be open to a better future.

I'm in the same spot, and have been plenty times before. It's time to end it, but I know it's going to hurt him so much. I don't want to be responsible for his unhappiness, it seems easier to stay and be unhappy myself. Good luck to you and thanks for sharing.

Be strong!

It is hard to end a marriage without some effort. I stayed in my first one for 10 years, much longer than i should have. Believe me it affected my health and mental state for awhile afterwards. Paths cross for a reason and we journey together to learn about ourselves, sometimes we have to go alone, it is never a mistake to have been with someone. There is a point when the growing together stops. You have to do what is best for you, not what is best for society.

I know what is the right thing for me..............and it's to not be with him. We are not good for each other. We fall into the Mommy/Child role. I don't want to be married to a man that falls into a child. It's not good for me and I"m sure it's not good for him.
But he falls into that child role and makes me feel gulty. Thanks again. I really appreciate your thoughts.

It would be easier on both of you if it ended without bitterness and you both could walk away as friends. Your husband would benefit greatly to be mature and grow to be a better mate in a successful relationship down the road. I think you learned what kind of man can not be in your life. Be cautious after this ends and not go straight into another relationship without taking to heal yourself. Time to get in balance with yourself. Best wishes to you both, life is short.

We are handling it well so far. He was angry at first but now we are talking and we can talk for hours. I told him I want him to be alright. I want him to do for himself. I have taken responsiblity for what I've done in the marriage........and I know that there is things I don't know I did............
We have agreed to make the decision and move forward without anger. We agreed to go to mediation and take things from there. I have told him that I hope he continues to be in my son's life. He is the only man that my son knows as a father. I will not bad mouth him........... he said he wants that as well. One other thing, I will not jump into another relationship. I now know that I have some tendencies to want to nurturer a man and I then hate that .............I have to let a man be himself, a MAN.
Thanks for your advice and thoughts!