Coping With Divorce...Its So Sad

I am about to go through my divorce..I came face to face with my husband today ..saturday since last july of 2012..I thought I would be okay but im crying actually thats im talking about it. I have no one to talk to..I miss him well things about him . I just dont know how to cope with this...Am I ever going to move on. Am I ever going to get over him? I got to go if I keep writing ill only get worse at this time...hopefully someone cal help me......thanks .....kimberly
kimberly45 kimberly45
41-45, F
16 Responses Jan 26, 2013

I was married 14 years. I have no family around and went through my divorce completely alone. My mind struggled with my decision and at times I felt like the hell of staying married was not as bad as the hell of being on my own and alone. I cried for hours and lost 15 pounds in a matter of weeks because of not being able to eat because I felt so sick to my stomach. I am fine and much happier now. I only feel anger now and then, and realize that alot of my questioning about whether I had too much love still left for him to rationalize leaving was my mind desperately trying to protect myself of a future unknown. I do still feel jealousy that the woman my ex was cheating with he is still with. It does not eat at me as badly as it once did, but it hurts that he seems to be a better man to her than he was to me. I wanted revenge and him to suffer the pain I felt. It hurts that I have not met the great guy and fallen in love for myself yet, but I think of all the fighting and hurting and control. I am better off alone than with that drama in my life. I am free, and have been making improvements to my life and I do not walk on eggshells anymore. We actually can talk over the phone without fighting now. He is happier too. There are times when him and his gf have problems and he calls and asks me advice, and it is a funny thing to help your ex husband with the woman who was his mistress. It brings to my mind the hurt, and as much as I hate this woman, this ****, I still tell him what to do to make it right. He was diagnosed with ADHD and depression through marital counseling and a psychiatrist he had seen before our divorce. If you have done absolutely everything possible to make your marriage work, it will help you cope. It will make it easier where you do not question yourself so much. Your mind hates change, as all minds do. That is why after so long a kidknapper or abuser can have someone trapped for so long that after a while, even when the door is open and opportunity is there, the victim stays. Do you realize what things you have done in your marriage that also contributes to the conflicts? I know the things I did.. I treated him with lack of respect because of differences in opinion. He wanted me to take his side on things that I could not because I did not see things his way. We were very different, but did have good times. When you think about everything both good and bad..does the bad significantly weigh out the good? Looking inside of yourself and answering these questions will make you more confident. If you are good with your answers and you know you have done everything, the rage and sadness during and after the divorce will fade a little day by day. I feel pretty damn good today if that helps your feelings out! I am gonna do some cleaning and maybe dance around my living room listening to fun music. You are so much stronger than you know. I do not have to know you. We adapt to change. You will have good days and bad days just as you always have. It will not make life perfect. You have got to look at the bad within yourself, and work on you. Even if you see nothing you did wrong the pain of being wronged must be fixed. You can heal your heart all alone. All I have here are my children. My parents have been 3000 miles away for 15 nearly 16 years. I left home at 17 nearly 18.. I am making it.. Chances are you will have it easier, because chances are you have a family who loves you. I have at least one friend and acquaintances. The only time I asked for help was when my inlaws decided to go up on the house payments.. My children and I were basically kicked out, and the house was nearly paid for. They said it was fair to start over on payments. Even my ex husband was upset and had no say in this. It is easier to kick your ex daughter in law out than it is to kick out your son. They moved into that house and tore down the old one. Despite all of this I am so lucky. I live in a two bedroom apartment with good neighbors, and have lived more in a little over a year than you could imagine. The bad of the past can creep up in my memory, but this is not the past.. This is today. These people have no power anymore. I have more control over my life now.

You are a remarkable woman and you do not need a man to define who you are and how you live your life. Let your feelings out, they are valid, but start to live in today. The past is helpful, we can learn from it, but it can keep us from living fully in this moment. Each moment is an opportunity to begin again. Let go of the past and live for yourself today. You are worth it.

January 2nd of 2014 and I still miss my ex husband with all my heart

been fighting for a divorce for 2 1/2 me it gets easier with time

im not fighting mine that long...i already really cant stand him....ive learned over the past couple of stop crying over the good things think about how many there really were ...and ive now replaced them with the horrible things that man has done to me

I understand that you are trying to cope but thats also dangerous. Always remember that the reasons are set in stone but your ultimate goal should not be hate but to be neutral, he actions void of any feeling to you. I am getting there but I know I cannot have any contact or everything goes to crap so I make sure there is distance. Hate will eat you up not him, he doesn't deserve to be 'forgiven' but if you dont you become his prisoner bound by the feelings he forced uppon you. Hope this makes sense..

I hope you will find that it does get easier with time.

it almost forgetting about him...he comes to mind once in a while...but why??? i dont sit around and ask myself anymore its not worth it...hes evil and he knows it...i feel empathy for his girlfriend i really do

Hello Kimberly.
I would say just take one day at a time it was hard for me when my ex and i parted i joined a gym and set myself small targets .Once you have found a new love your life will fall back into place.Good luck

I know of someone. I am not ready to say im in love or I love you or any of those things. For now im okay with being single and alone. Its been 2 years now and I think id rather get to know myself a bit better before I get to know someone else right? But ill be okay i think

I have similar questions. When will this end? When will I feel better? Why did this have to happen at all? If there were good answers, there forums would not exist. We would all feel better, perhaps divorces wouldn't happen.
I have really no words of wisdom; just words of support, warmth and encouragement. Things will get better. It all takes TIME. I am in the middle of it also, and know somewhat how you feel.
Prayers for you

hes found someone so its not really bothering me as much...well let me correct myself...hes not bothering me too much anymore...were just in the divorce part..i just want him outta my life..and i never wanna hear from him thankful we have no children together....its almost done i hope..all i feel is empathy for his new gf.....hes done such bad things..and proven things...but my step is my own moving on and im clearing my head more and more each day ....i hope it is going better for you as well?

Stay strong and keep busy! One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, you'll get through this one way or another! I keep repeating this over and over

fair play for being strong about not trying least you can start again with someone nice at the early stage of do i go or do i stay for the kids.john x

I will start one day with someone nice. Key words One Day.. Not right now Its time for myself i think ..I had no children with him mine were from someone else....the father of my children is great. My exhusband and i have no children together...back when i was with the father of my kids..i questioned that for 4 i go or do i stay....staying was not an option..well it was...but was it a good one????? not for me...You have to ask yourself is there any love left...can you stand each you think of another person....if you choose to stay bc of your children all the power to you..but maybee seeking help might didnt for me...i do not regret my choice and the father and i raised our children living apart from each other...they are today...wonferul well educated and still loving both myself and their father

kimberly, don't answer if you don't want, but why are divorcing?

I am Divorcing because.........He was bossy...controlling and mean..he plays himself to be a perfect man...hes been caught listening to me while i was in the bath talking to my daughter....when i got out i found the tape in the medicine cabinet...i dried off and went out to confront him he was on the computer...he laughed right away and ssaid...i wanted to see what you guys were talking about because when im in the room everyones quiet and when i leave the room everyone seems to talk....hes parranoid jealous...he had cameras all over the house including the bedroom..he watched me all day when he was at work......he did other things i cannot mention on here ....those are the reasons.and i dont trusst him.hes lied and ive busted him with recording his admittance on the phone....thats why were getting a divorce..he makes up his own which i really do not long as i never see him again......

You are already showing how strong you are with declining his offer. If he has abused you then you know as we do that it will not stop. Painful as it is you must move on and let us help you through the process. Yes it will heal in time but everybody is different. Feel free to mail me if you need to

I can't imagine your pain and hope I don't ever have to go through a divorce. I cannot stress enough how much I admire that you said no to another chance. It took a lot to say that. Loving someone and leaving them because the marriage is unhealthy and beyond repair is probably very hard. I am always here if you need to talk. Do not beat yourself up. A lot of women right now wish they had your strength and courage. Most women can't put their foot down and keep going back to the bad situation. I love that you can love him and still do what is right. Please continue to deal with it in whatever way helps you. You are beautiful and deserve the best that life has to offer. Please no that your pain will heal with time. Wait til that grand baby gets here. Congrads.

I cant waite for the grand still need her to bake for a few more weeks.....shes been trying to come for 3 weeks now...just pray please...

Hey, I dont see any good side to divorce. That being said I also believe some things cannot be undone. I am currently just waiting for my soon to be x wife to go to court and inform me that it is done. Although I loved her I must be honest and say that at this point it wil be easier if she just goes through with it.

I guess all I am saying is that devorse is never a good thing (its a breaking two people apart leaving both damaged - maybe one more than other) but that I can somtimes understand that it is a lesser of two evils and that I hope you find the peace you are looking for, I dont know if I will ever be able to go back to the person I was before. Maye in time we can become somthing different and 'better'.

Well sometimes Divorce is good and sometimes it is bad. Who knows I wont guess it. If it was meant to be well i think wed still be trying.I am trying to move forward.Its hard of course it is....but im getting there..For you well? It seems like you dont want to leave her.Have you told her this and have you two discussed this? Do you really want to be who you were before...or are you hapy with who you were before and changed because of your marriage. I am who I was and im loving it....lifes short the battles driving me nuts but im getting there

Very true comments, I guess I know deep down that I am better of without her, and that I dont want to be the peson I was/becomming with her. You are right though, that even with that knowledge I dont want one but sadly she is not giving me that option. Its tough getting through but I am sure we will, its just sad the time that was stolen and some things I fear might never be the same again. Keep strong..

try to find groups in similar situation for you to join will help. I bet you can easy find by using keywords on Google. Keep busy, do things you wished you had done, etc Keep your mind busy or else you will dwell into you miss him....I bet his moving on

Divorce is a good thing - 2 years plus, you'll look back on this and wish you had done it sooner.

2-yrs? wev been separated for well ove a year....I think ill get thru just cant get bettr right its got to get gonig at some point...I met with him today in a private meeting which was requested b him..He asked for another was the hardest things I ever did was tell him no more changes the marriage is done. we shall proceed get this divorce over so we can both move on

I wish I had your balls! Good luck with it. Did telling him it was over empower you?

Aw, what's happened, Kimberly? You still love him?

I do....but I cant let myselg go back...and right now im just crying too much where i just cant think straigh right now there was just too much in the relationship...people tell me to cry it ive been crying since this morning and i dont think its goin stop i just wanna get over him and need so much help