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I'M Broken

My husband and I are currently separated. We began dating in July 2010 and quickly fell in love. We married 9 months later and have a 1 year old son. Long story short my husband became addicted to oxycotin. I noticed not long after we married he began to " change." I was in my first trimester when I noticed his behavior becoming hostile and unpredictable at times. We began to argue frequently and I would end up leaving bc I can't stand the yelling, profanity and name calling that would occur. But then the next day he would be loving totally the opposite. It was as if he were bipolar. I had no idea he was on drugs until 9 months later. Our son was born and his temper got worse. Finances got worse bc he was buying pills ($20000) worth in about a year after He finally admitted his addiction to me. We also had to sale his car. I tried to make the marriage work. I scheduled 3 different counselors to no avail bc he was full of anger and not willing to move forward and admit his addiction. The arguing got worse and became physical. I told him our son would not be raised in this kind of environment any longer. So divorce papers have been filed. I am trying to be strong for my son but the last three days I've felt broken. I see a counselor and am on Meds for antidepression. I guess I'm on here to find support and offer support to anyone else going experiencing this too
Penelope76 Penelope76 36-40, F 4 Responses Jan 28, 2013

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it isn't that you failed, it is that the man was living a double life. dealing with drug addiction, as you sadly know, encompasses many aspects of your life, and your in control of none of it.
I give you credit for saying.....NO !!.....
saying no, is the best answer for you and your son. too bad your spouse is not willing to say NO to the drugs.

(((((((((hugs)))))))

I see things that remind me of the times before he became addicted. I had to remove all of our wedding pictures in the house because i would walk past them and break down. Just walking throught the grocery store affects me because I was so use to purchasing items that he enjoyed eating. I know this probably sounds crazy but I just cant believe this is how my life has unfolded. It wasnt suppose to be this way. I never expected things to be a bed of roses all the time but never did I forsee drug addiction being an issue. It changed his entire personality. He took money, took my time from my son ( i was forced to get a second job ) , he lied multiple times about the pills, he illegally sold them ( out of guilt ), and took $9000 from an account I had for our son. I trusted him. He was suppose to be my rock and protect me. I cry as I write this because my heart aches. I began to feel like his adversary. The names I would be called and false accusations. I begged him to watch what he would say to me because each time I could feel myself being pushed further and further away from him. I questioned how this man could claim to love me yet speak of me with such disgrace. I couldnt allow my son to experience this behavior from his father any more. I kept thinking that if I remained in the marriage despite the fact my husbands poor attitude about therapy that my son would think that he could disrespect me too.

You did the right thing....You and your son deserve to be treated with respect and loved. A person who is addicted to any type of drug or alcohol is selfish and cannot think of any one else tell they get help for their addiction. He failed not you. Take care of your self your worth it.

Hi Penelope76
I too am going thu a divorce this is my 2 marriage. I feel like a total failure, I keep reminding myself of the positive in my life now. I think of my beautiful 2 children and granddaughter and I am no longer living with a alcoholic he was a good man wasn't abusive but I never know what kind of mood he would be in when I got home from work.
And his daughter didn't care for me,life is too short ,to live in the past it gets better takes time and getting in touch with your higher power has helped me alot.

I have to stop thinking that I failed. I know that I gave 110%. I scheduled counselors , I tried to communicate but it's very difficult to try and rationalize with someone on drugs. This would cause even more anxiety and friction because no matter how hard I seemed to try and help he got worse ( used more , I got a second job so he spent more on pills so I started to feel like I was enabling his addiction ). In the end I became bitter and resented the fact that his family was no longer a priority. I felt for the safety of my son and our well being that we divorce. I endured watching my husband go through withdrawal symptoms once and it was gut wrenching. I could no longer accept his anger and verbal / emotional abuse....not did I think my son should be subjected to his fathers instability