Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device


Yesterday, I realized that it had been one year since I removed my wedding ring.  Last night was another night spent with the marriage counselor.  Last night, my husband finally gave in and said he was ready to go through with a divorce.  He even verbalized something that I have never said to him but have always felt to be true.  We met when we were both lonely and vulnerable, and married because we each filled a void...not because we were in love with each other.

In most ways, I'm relieved.  I have been getting angrier and angrier with him, and my resentment had been building.  We have a great relationship on so many levels, but just didn't seem to fit as husband and wife.  I didn't want things to turn nasty, and right this minute, it doesn't look like it will. 

We are working together with the counselor to find the best wording we can to explain what is going on to the kids.  We want to separate husband/wife from mom/dad.  We're planning on telling them on September 30.  They'll be on a short break from school then, and there will be a long enough span between then and when I go on a 10 day trip (alone) .  We need to make sure that they are as secure as possible and not think that I'm abandoning them by going on the trip.  They need to understand that our love for them is separate from how we feel about each other. The kids and their security are priority.  We are on the same page there.

It was funny, when we got home last night, I was literally shaking, I was scared, and I was crying my eyes out.  I am the one who precipitated this.  Yet, now that it's a reality, I'm sick.  My husband who didn't want the marriage to end was happy as all can be.  I haven't seen him this happy in years.  I knew that he wasn't happy in our marriage, although, he did not.  Hopefully, he will be able to find some peace and happiness of his own.

In spite of all the emotions pouring through me, I know in my heart and soul that this is what is best for him and for me.  Since we are in 100% agreement that the kids take priority, I think they'll come out of this okay too. 

I hope so, I really do........

goddessone goddessone 41-45, F 78 Responses Sep 5, 2008

Your Response



Yep if a relationship makes you feel liek yorue the only one making any sort of effort., It is time to go. ëxcusers"just start making bigger excuses for themselves and a bigger hole to hide in.

Dear Goddesone,<br />
<br />
I hope you both will be strong to go and get through this decision.<br />
<br />
One key thing, as a piece of advise, do not go on your trip alone, that period you are planning to tell your kids is a crucial one, if you want some time-out, take them with you, you'll have plenty of time to be able to find yourself, but that won't be exactly the right moment to do it.<br />
<br />
Do you know how it feels as you walk your way through divorce? It's the same feeling as death. Yes, as bad as it sounds. The same will be for your husband. No matter if he's cheering up now, he'll hit bottom. If that's what he wants, his desire will momentarily intoxicate him and then reality will strike and hit real bad.<br />
<br />
Be prepared, because no matter how civilized your arrangement and communication with your kids will be, at different ages, different reactions will be observed on your kids.<br />
<br />
There's great help and resources available, "Putting Children First" by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is a good reference.<br />
<br />
Build a support system, family, friends, and have a solid communication with your future ex. Understand it's your/his choice and truth is there's nothing really bonding you for the rest of your lives and of course if it's so then it's best to leave.<br />
<br />
But, your relationship with him does not end here, you both need to understand that it will morph into one where you both need to stay focused on your family, where even without a contract will continue to be a family, the difference is that you both won't be sleeping together if you like to see it this way.<br />
<br />
Success and pray God.

Wow! _i do admire your courage and honesty_the fact ,tat as you knew tat your marriage was no longer making you happy_thou uv tired_now ur letting it go,shows how brave you are_its true,everyone is entitled to a happyness_<br />
<br />
Just so u do know, I am deeply in a unhappy marriage situation myself_nothings left,Yet for Fear ov not being able to financially be able to survive_i remain

Im glad u sorted out youre diffrence with youre husband. <br />
How old r ure kids?? My parents are divorced and im still finding it hard. Just make sure u explain it to them properly so they know and that they always can come to you because my parents dint really tell me much as i was young but even know i still havent discussed it with them at all. That is the reason im finding it hard to deal with

Glad you're in agreement, that's the key. I joined a divorcecare (.org) group & that seemed to help me. Mine is a tangled mess, but not so much financially. It feels good to know you did the right thing and sacrificed for those you love (even though it sucks if they don't return your affection).

I am glad that your divorce came about without a major stumble. I wish all of those that went this path, mine included went this smoothly

You made me miss a song. Its name is " Finally" too. I'd like to introduce to you this song. It is a nice one !!

ya know where I am in all this...I took my ring off a month ago. Ya also know where the man is on this...denial denial denial. I'd love some acceptance right about now.

Lao, what can I say to that? Nothing...sheesh...rebirth, huh? Okay, I'll buy that...hmmm interesting concept.

Just reading some of the comments, my thought is that if benevolence and compassion were given form, judgement would not be definitive of its essence. We tend to make judgement a definitive trait and seem to exercise it on each other and ourselves far more so than we do benevolence, kindness, understanding and compassion. Pardon me, its a sad thought, this one.<br />
I'd like to think of what you are experiencing as a rebirth. Now births are always joyful, anxiety provoking, even holy s*** experiences - quite similar really and they are a celebration of life - living captured in a nutshell (the emotional gamut anyway). Only this time, you don't have to wait eighteen years to drink and get a driver's licence (LOL).

Yes, Lady it does.<br />
<br />
Wishing you peace and harmony in return.

Wow Tense, thank you. <br />
<br />
For the most part, I do okay on EP. I've been criticized before, but usually it's constructive criticism. Sometimes it's caused me to look at things from a different perspective, others not. It does help to see situations from both sides of the coin though.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, there is a certain group of people who have latched onto some of my stories and constantly try to beat me down.<br />
<br />
In my mind, there is only one being who has a right to judge me and my for the rest, well, in the end, they too will be judged. Whether they will have been found wanting or not, is not for me to say.

Hi IDM. Hang in there. This site can be quite tough at times. I posted a confesion a few weeks back and received some repsonses which felt like a slap in the face. The fact of the matter is, we don't know what is better for our kids in the long run. For all we know, leaving our spouses could be the reason they turn out to be brilliant scientists or, conversly, drop-outs. Maybe they would have turned out that way either way.<br />
<br />
All we can do is our best. You sound like a very reasonable and well balanced person doing her best with a very difficult situation. Take care IDM.

Hello,<br />
I will advice you to hold on to your marriage and also allow Jesus Christ to come in to your family. because i know the both of love your selfs, do those things that made him to choose you as hes number one woman in hes life, i wan't you to put on your thinking cap, May God almighty bless your marriage in jesus name. I SAY A BIG AMEN.

Tense, I've worried about that myself (him not knowing how bitter he is yet)

Your story is almost identical to mine. Good luck with your life, and your journey. The worst thing any human being can do, is marry for the wrong reasons. Your story is entitled 'Finally'. It has not even started. I wish you well. Just be careful; he doesn't even know how really bitter he feels yet. All the best.

young? no jk, I'm far from young.

you must all be young women. take it from an oldster, the grass is not greener on the other side. been there done that. as long as there is no abuse in any form then work on the marraige to make it right. in this throw away society we end up throwing out such good stuff.including people. it's a shame. the kids will not adjust well especially when other mates come into the picture. if you really love and want what's best for the kids then MAKE it work. you loved him enough to marry him.

Okay, to my friends who are "sticking up for me"...I say thank you, but it's not necessary. <br />
<br />
Everyone is welcome to their own opinion, even though many of the opinions expressed here are judgmental and based on my avatar and this one story.<br />
<br />
I'm going to make myself clear about one thing, and one thing only. We are working closely with our counselor to make sure that the fall out from this divorce has the least impact possible on our children.<br />
<br />
Period. The End.

Wow... I just popped in to catch up on the story thread and I am seeing so much judgement!!! <br />
<br />
Rick--I doubt very much that you know IDM from anything but this story, so you have no right to judge her so harshly. Until you know how she has struggled with this decision, and until you have struggled with it yourself, might I suggest that your judgement be better reserved for yourself before you judge others??<br />
<br />
Mitch&Maureen, I admit I had to scroll back to see the "story" you were referring to. As a child of divorce, after watching my brother go through similar circumstances at the same age between his parents, I can tell you that while you believe your story is true, I am certain there are extenuating circumstances beyond what you know for your nephew's downfall. You have no right to judge IDM or HWP. And to make such a crude comment referring to their avatars only shows a certain lack of consideration and maturity on your part. <br />
<br />
I am highly disappointed to see such harsh judgement out of both of you on a site that is supposed to be open and accepting to all ideals. IDM does deserve better than what she was getting, and her children deserve to see the example of their mother being happy so that they know that it is okay to seek their own happiness!!<br />
<br />

~ newly separted here ideservemore ~<br />
<br />
I'm with you in thought and spirit. Best wishes!

IDM, curious to know what the councilor suggested you say to your kids. one is bitter here...........people sometimes just dont like to hear about the hardships they create on others sometimes. I just speak from experience here being on all ends of this situation. I wish you the best in regards to your children.

I'm sorry Rick, I missed the part of the story where I said the reason I'm divorcing my husband was because the marriage/relationship was boring.<br />
<br />
HWP...thank you...

Then I'll say it: Rick, you are an ignorant person. What experience do you have in abuse? Do you really think that refusing love, physical, spiritual, and emotional is not abuse? I feel sorry for YOU. But then again, ignorance is bliss, so I guess you are a very happy person. That must be the thing that gives you the right to judge others.

When will parents understand that relationships, can be fixed if they become "boring."<br />
<br />
Sorry son or suffered early in life because your father or mother couldnt stay together because they were "boring" me?!!<br />
Thats a hell of a thing to say to a child growing up who has questions about why mommy or daddy did not spend the time they needed with them......

Holy Crap do not have the right to judge me based on one single story. I have so much more to say, but I will remain a lady and allow you live in your wonderful yet bitter world.<br />
<br />
I wish you well on your journey to happiness.

wow its very clear that your just looking for some sympathy , while leaving out the fact that you cheated on your husband, for not trying to fix a marriage and taking responsibility. If he did not physically or verbally abuse you, nor manipulate you then you should have given the marriage a chance. Seems obvious that you went into counseling half assed. I truly feel sympathy for your children who will have to suffer. Just speaking from experience and from the heart.

Apparently the boring father was so boring he couldn't give any emotional support to his son. Oh, sorry, it's all Mom's fault. How dare she want to be happy. As a matter of fact, let's strike that whole "pursuit of happiness" thing out of the declaration of independence. What were those selfish idiots thinking?

Mitch and Maureen, not everyone's experience is so drastic and unappealing. What about married couples that have had the COURAGE to admit that they just don't belong together and both ended up finding their perfect mates AND a healthy respect for one another? Wanting more is not the problem, going about achieving more in a way that's not beneficial is.

That sounds like an urban legend or an oversimplification.<br />
A 16-year-old should not be knocked over like that.<br />
There had to be a severe, pre-existing issue.<br />
I was 16 once. I pulled myself, scars and all, out of an abusive family, got a job and an apartment...<br />
They are not babies.

I thought you were married ?<br />
<br />
What has Happiness got to do with it ?<br />
<br />
Who's going to pay the Mortgage ?<br />
<br />
Who's going to kiss the kids goodnight ?<br />
<br />
Who's going to pay the bills?<br />
<br />
<br />
*****************<br />
<br />
If indeed , that's your picture in the Avatar, I suppose, your a working gal...and away in the night time.<br />
<br />
Beats me how, the kids will sitters and free 'sittin by the Relatives ?<br />
<br />
Perhaps, you'd better not sign those papers just yet.<br />
<br />
<br />
***************<br />
<br />
Have you and He, though about staying together...but perhaps, "fooling around" on the Side. <br />
<br />
Sort of like modified "Swinging".<br />
<br />
It just might get you folks past this Middle age hangup, that your both experiencing.<br />
<br />
Good luck.

"He even verbalized something that I have never said to him but have always felt to be true. We met when we were both lonely and vulnerable, and married because we each filled a void...not because we were in love with each other."<br />
<br />
This gives me hope that my husband probably feels the same way I feel even if he doesn't say it and is only saying the things he feels like he "should" say when he says that he wants us to stay together. I really feel that the same type of thing happened to us (marriage out of loneliness, vulnerability, and for want of companionship) and that my true mate is out there. Waiting on me. We aren't even having sex right now(going on 8 months) but I really feel like I've stopped caring. Anger at feeling rejected is slowly going away as i realize that I don't want a relationship that doesn't fit. I have already talked about separation and I already know that eventually, probably within the year, I will have to make some move forward. I'm only 34 and I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to make myself fit into a marriage that's not right for me.

Good for you!<br />
<br />
And your story is encouraging.<br />
I think/hope that I'm on the same path.<br />
<br />
My husband seems ready to move on.<br />
The kids are 17 and 14, and I think they can handle it.<br />
I hope that it's just the practical stuff we need to worry about.

Weretree, Hope...if we give up hope, we give up living...I have no desire to give up life....I tried...couldn't do now, I hope...and try to live...not just survive.<br />
<br />
D2L....thank you my friend...I will most certainly do that!

IDM I just read this story, and I must admit I did not take the time to read all of the posts (time is short on my end today). I am glad and sad for you at the same time...I remember what it was like to precipitate the divorce proceedings and then the fears set in... you are a strong woman and you have your entire future ahead of you. From what I see it will be a bright one! :) if you need to talk or vent, I'm here. LOVIES!!!! :)

MrGW, hmm....well, I wouldn't categorize myself as a woman who doesn't stand up for herself, at least not in the general sense. When it comes to relationships with men, I have allowed their opinion of me to matter too much...which led me to hold back in many ways, but not all.<br />
<br />
To address the rest of your post, the path you are suggesting is, in fact, the path we are taking. Right down to separating the relationship mom/dad from husband/wife.<br />
<br />
Thank you.

I really hope you won't think this opinion is too much of the wrong thing to say; I just started following this. Anyhow, there seems to be so much missing from what you've related, I don't know how anyone here can form an opinion of the situation. Just from the little bit here it seems that you are a woman who might not stand up for yourself. Being unable (or unwilling to) "stand up for yourself" and assert your opinion has already harmed your children. They might be of the opinion that it's OK to form a relationship with someone they don't really get along with and that Marriage doesn't require commitment, love, and respect. Also, when you tell them, you might be very surprised that they may already be aware of the situation. Don't, for a miniute, think that children are so unaware and blind to what's going on in the home. I think that the best thing for you and your Husband to do would be to get the family togeather and assure them that they are Loved and that the two of you just have descided that it would be best if you lived apart. Try not to get into any sort of "blame-game", just be totally honest and open about the situation. Be sure and give themsome good background information so they don't think this is a recent occurance. Tell them that this has nothing to do with them and that he is still their Daddy and you are still Mommy. Also, don't ever make them think that either you or he suffered for so long because you didn't want to "hurt them". This situation is NOT about them. It's about a mistake you and your Husband made long ago even if it did result in THE best thing ever, your Children.

Divorce is the norm, with over 60% breaking up every day. Sadly, the kids are ALWAYS the victims. Presumably, adults should know better, but that is a farce. Fact is, NO ONE knows better.<br />
People grow and change, usually maturing at different rates and changing greatly. In the rare case where adults handle the situation maturely, the result can be good. All too often the result is bitter.<br />
Marriage is no longer the "til death do us part" relationship it used to be. Times and people have changed, for better or worse.

Any man that gets marries is a fool. I think guys should google the marriage stike.

am happy 4 you coz you finally had the guts to call its quites. not all of us can take it and move on happily but am glad you have accepted it.


LB, you did it again!!!! LOL One day at a time? Hell, I'm working on one minute at a time.

I tried leaving 13 years ago. Instead, he begged me to go to counseling which fixed some of the surface problems. I had no idea they went deeper back then. On many levels, I regret not leaving back then. On others, I don't. My oldest child is autistic and we didn't know it at the time. We knew there we delays, but not the extent. That's one reason for not regretting the choice. The other is that I never would have had my second son. So regrets, yeah....but look at what I would have lost if I didn't stay. (at least back then)

Lol....sneaky...that's me!!! I have been feeling angry and resentful for so long and now he's accepted things I feel so much calmer, and is good, for now....<br />
I'm still taking things one day at a time, half an eye on the future!

Nobody thinks that-but-myself I knew years ago and I mean years ago-that we had as far as a marriage-wasn't a true marriage--I'd try and talk and be told "if you're that unhappy (which I wasn't at the time) I'll leave." so I supressed allot and I'm not willing to do that anymore-I left twice-once many years ago when kids were young-came back-left again 2 1/2 years ago-was begged to come home "house isn't the same without you" I did purely for the kids--said that straight up--he was fine with it-boy was I wrong to do that!

Hey LB, you snuck your comment in while I was typing. You see, that's part of why I chose to get out now. I would have preferred my kids to grow up with two parents yada yada, but if I waited too much longer, I would have resented him too much. As it is, I'm dealing with all the hurt and rejection issues...the anger and resentment has been rising too. <br />
<br />
Assuming the legalities go as he promised, my kids will have two parents who don't hate each other...and are able to parent together.

All I can say is, when I took my vows all those years ago, I never, in my wildest dreams expected to find my self here. <br />
<br />
Who woulda' thunk it?

Why not?! I think my relationships are heading that way too! Actually I think its a lot more grown up if you can handle things this way....after all you have shared such a lot of your life, you move on, but why forget? And no need for nastiness as it it painful enough without all that.... I'm finding exactly the same in my marriage now we have discussed the split, should it come to that, and he has finally realised my feelings on it and is giving me free rein, we do seem to be better friends for it!As you say, the pressure is off for now at least.

Oh trust me--after I found out who she was I was like the cat that ate the canary-ready to explode with laughter inside! I still laugh about it!!! Do I think it's wild--you bet-but--he's told me about 4 women that he's asked out-I know two-not the others-and reality-again-have at it--have fun-but-don't make any babies!!!! LOL---<br />
<br />
I agree with your vision-you know when you realize--neither one of us are happy-and you do want yourself and other person happy--you can deal with it--my brother and his ex do what you mentioned-and I think it's great-and it's great for the kids also. Jerry Springer-no-just adults who realized-we need to move on--

I'm sorry, I'm still laughing as I imagine the scene. <br />
I have visions of me, and my husband with our significant others having Christmas dinner together. Jerry Springer anyone? Oh, btw, I set my husband's sister up with my ex boyfriend, 17 years ago. They're still dating and spend all the holidays with really, my imagination is not so far off...LOL

What I told mine is--we live in a small community--be careful-you don't want to be sh**ing in your own back yard--and I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd be talking-freely-with a woman he had asked out--but--as I said--go for it--I'm pretty animated so I was just having a blast talking with her-and clueless at the time-

HOLY ****!! (smacks head) That's great!!!<br />
Truth be told, my husband has been talking a lot about his assistant lately. She's a 3 time divorcee'...and might be what he needs, but I worry because if he does start something up with her, and it does or does not work out, it will ruin his work relationship. Other than that, I say "go for it".

Your comment is so perfect---"the pressure is off" and you are so right--we never shopped together did anything like that--yea dinner out and such but that's it-and even when we were out-you'd never know we were together---bizzare situation--but--right now "it's working" Couple weeks ago-we were out--I was chatting away with this couple---having a blast-found out where the woman worked-said to DH--hey she might now "vickie" (woman he had asked out and told me about) he said "it is vickie" I almost fell out of my chair--literally--said get the F out of here--he said no with this sheepish grin on his face---and reality--didn't bother me a bit-did ask him how awkward it was for him he said "it's not--we're seperated!" thought--all righty then-and it truly is fine with me!

We shared a bed until just after we hit the 20 year mark. That's when I changed the rules. At first, the kids didn't take much notice other than to say "uh oh, mom fell asleep on the couch again." However, things changed after I decided to take over the guest room. <br />
<br />
We're in a strange place right now. We went out yesterday, did the grocery shopping, and ran some other errands together. It's like now that the decision has been made, there's a semblance of peace. The pressure of being husband and wife is off, and the expectations gone, allowing the friendship to come to the surface again. <br />
<br />
I keep wondering how I'm going to feel when the time comes for him to date. I'm so used to him being stable and sort of boring. <br />
<br />
Take Friday night for example, I was invited to go see a friend's husband play in his band...I really wanted to go, but was on the fence about it all day. Nine o'clock, Friday night, I change clothes, put on my make up and do my hair....then I marched down to the basement and told my husband I was going to a bar 40min away to see so and so. He looked me up and down, then said "Fine, then I get to go to the library tomorrow." As you can see, the first time he decides to go for drinks without me is going to be a bit of a shock. LOL

My spouse hasn't slept in bed in years-does occasionally-usually he's on the couch-that was his choice from the inception of marriage---that's the way my kids have grown up. Was no drama for me taking the ring off--<br />
<br />
My "baby" is a senior in high school-keeping things amicable for them---he went to Fla. with me this past weekend to bring my dad home--and we were fine-he did make some comments--I just give him the eyes and he knows ---it's too late--. We discussed that we BOTH deserve to be happy-and honestly-he's been trying to date---I tell him--go for it--just be "safe"

ANEWME, boy do I like you. It took months for my husband to realize that I took my wedding ring off. Maybe because it was done without my usual dramatics. One day, when he wasn't around, I quietly took it off and put it in my jewelry box. <br />
<br />
I'm not finished raising my children and frankly, that worries me. On the other hand, they are the only kids on the block who's parents don't share a bedroom (my choice). So, which is better? Hopefully, the choice that I've made.

Mine came off 4 years ago-I bought myself a F it all ring-that I wear on my left hand--my DH didn't even notice that my wedding ring was gone until we had split up. Like one of your comments---we realize we are through-live together-but with no "snipping" no more name calling, insults-and very much like your relationship-know we married each other for wrong reasons-not because of true love-because neither one of us ever really truly loved each other-love yes-but not the right kind of love-lived together for years like brother/sister-raised a terrific family-now I want more!

Well, it was not me that brought it into the mix, girl, but it has been me that has had to deal with it way too long...<br />
<br />
I am on my way to a better place now... and so are you girlfriend. Hugs.

Ah, you brought addiction in to the mix now, that's a different level entirely.

My children are well aware of what I have been living with. What they have been living with. The most reaction I am getting from them, as well as other family and friends, is "it's about time". I talk to my kids a lot though, and will continue to do so. It is always scary when life is going through drastic changes, so I try to reasure them that we will be fine as much as I can.<br />
<br />
I have suggested that he may want to go to counceling, though, to help him deal with his addiction problems and come to terms with the fact that it is over for us.<br />
<br />
Hugs, honey.

Heaven, the reason I went to counseling was to learn how to explain this to my children. He suggested it, because he wanted to save the marriage. However, when all was said and done, he never followed through with any of the counselor's suggestions.<br />
<br />
Gadget, I wish I knew you were going to explain things to your daughter. One thing that we are planning on doing is using different terminology. "We (don't say Mom and Dad) don't care fore each other like a husband and wife should, anymore. Mom and Dad are still your parents and we will still be a family, just a different kind of family." So on and so forth...of course reminding her that Mom and Dad love her. The key is in using separate terminology.

IWM, reading your comment was like ripping a page out of my own life, except for the counceling part, where I don't see the point in going, although he has asked. I mean, if he wanted to turn things around, then he too should have listened one of the many, many times I tried speaking to him about it. It is the same for me. I have spent months pulling myself out of it on an emotional level and I am not going back. I have stepped off the merry go round of life with him and I refuse to get back on again. Ever.<br />
<br />
Luckily, although there are kids, in this marriage there are mine and his, and none together. They are teens and have been privy to what is going on.<br />
<br />
It is not an easy road, to be sure, but it's one that I know will lead me more toward the life I want to live as opposed to the one I have been living, and that's all good. One foot in front of the other...

I finally told my daughter last was the hardest thing I did. How do you explain to her that we love her, but it can't work out. That there are things I just can't tell her about him. I think she was aware of it all along, but we'll see.

Yup, too little too late, I hear you. I started to "separate" myself from my husband a while ago. That's the first step. Start creating your own life, your own friends, your own activities. Let him begin to get used to that.<br />
<br />
The turning point for us was marriage counseling. He kept saying he wanted to hold on, I kept saying "I'm done" Over and over....every time the counselor would say ask if I was willing to take this chance or that chance, what if my husband did this or that? "Too little, too late. I'm done." <br />
He needed to be trying that before I told him I wanted to leave. He should have done it one of the millions of times I asked, begged, pleaded... <br />
<br />
So my friend, I'm scared shitless. The thought of starting over with two children (one of whom is autistic) makes me want to run for the hills. The possibility that I'll never meet someone special...hell, wondering how to go about it makes me nauseous. <br />
<br />
BUT....I doing it. I'm moving on, moving forward, starting over, a new beginning, opening a door, whatever you want to call it....I'm doing it....and somehow, I will not only survive, I will live....

IWM ~ I am travelling this path as well. My husband is in deep denial, though, and I am feeling like this will take a lot longer than I anticipated. I really thought he would be relieved to hear me say I want a divorce, since it had been so bad for so long, but instead he has grabbed on with both hands and saying he will not let go. Too little too late, I am thinking... Sigh.

I can't plan to the nth degree, but I'm not totally a go with the flow kind of girl either. <br />
<br />
My next move will be based on how truthful my husband is being. I know how I would like things to go, but I also have a vague idea of how Plan B needs to roll if I need it.

((HUGS)) ....wishing you all the best..........

I understood what you meant...I was kind of trying the thought on for size. I ride the same fence as you, some days I more one than the other...<br />
<br />
Balance is important in life. When I practice yoga, I find that I am a total spaz when it comes to postures requiring balance if my life is out of balance. Let's just say that lately, I have not been the most graceful of yogis. Yesterday, I stood so firm a tornado couldn't blow me over...I guess the Universe knew what was to come.<br />
<br />
Chaos and order...sounds like me and my husband.<br />
<br />
Zorba is awesome!

Hmmm...gotta think about that one.

A-Mom, you're road is going to be similar to mine...but the way I see it, Maisie has been hanging on, so can you, so can I...and yes, in the end, it will be the best thing.<br />
<br />
Weretree, I love that analogy...and yes, I've been planning...maybe not enough, but planning just the same. The thought of redefining myself makes me feel like I'm walking a tightrope without a net, but then.....when I look back at this past year, and the one before that, and so on down the line....isn't that what I've already been doing?<br />
<br />
A beginning, indeed.

We have been talking divorce for about a month. I mean, I have mentioned it before but he never took me seriously. This time it is different. I think he finally is realizing he isn't happy either. It is a weird feeling, isn't it? I'm relieved in some ways because my guilt has been huge. I want happiness for him as well. It is going to be a long, hard road...but perhaps we will all realize in the end it was the best thing.

Loop, she's finally moving through the grieving process...your wife's devastated is different than what my husband's devastated would be.....regardless, your right, I don't want devastated....for him or me.

Yes, devastated is a pain in the butt. I filed for divorce and the effect devastated my wife, but wtf the marriage had been in the sh!tter for years. So for months she was in denial, now she is just plain mad, eventually she will move on, but I don't think you want devastated.

IT, I'd rather he not be devastated. I know I hurt him and he me, but it's better that he not be devastated...

BH...I'm not sure if it's appropriate or not, but you gave an a laugh out loud moment.....<br>Hands out the sunroof @ 85 for sure...<br>The problem is here, I don't have a holy **** bar to hang onto...I'm driving this damn thing...<br><br><br />
holy ****...and then some

KIK...our problems always seem small when compared to someone else's. That does not in anyway diminish the significance of them. They are our own, and therefore....great (for lack of a better word)<br />
<br />
Willo...Thank you, and in yes, hearing him vocalize his thoughts was somewhat of a relief.

I am sooooooo happy that is all finally going to the end and turning the right way where there are no fights back stubbing and so on when divorce. I want to wish you all the best and am here for you no matter what. My problems seems so small compare to yours but now I can see you are getting more and more happy. I am really happy for you.<br />
Big Kiss from me. Never give up girl cause you are Spartan!!