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Sep 5th, 2008
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esterday, I realized that it had been one year since I removed my wedding ring. Last night was another night spent with the marriage counselor. Last night, my husband finally gave in and said he was ready to go through with a divorce. He even verbalized something that I have never said to him but have always felt to be true. We met when we were both lonely and vulnerable, and married because we each filled a void...not because we were in love with each other.
In most ways, I'm relieved. I have been getting angrier and angrier with him, and my resentment had been building. We have a great relationship on so many levels, but just didn't seem to fit as husband and wife. I didn't want things to turn nasty, and right this minute, it doesn't look like it will.
We are working together with the counselor to find the best wording we can to explain what is going on to the kids. We want to separate husband/wife from mom/dad. We're planning on telling them on September 30. They'll be on a short break from school then, and there will be a long enough span between then and when I go on a 10 day trip (alone) . We need to make sure that they are as secure as possible and not think that I'm abandoning them by going on the trip. They need to understand that our love for them is separate from how we feel about each other. The kids and their security are priority. We are on the same page there.
It was funny, when we got home last night, I was literally shaking, I was scared, and I was crying my eyes out. I am the one who precipitated this. Yet, now that it's a reality, I'm sick. My husband who didn't want the marriage to end was happy as all can be. I haven't seen him this happy in years. I knew that he wasn't happy in our marriage, although, he did not. Hopefully, he will be able to find some peace and happiness of his own.
In spite of all the emotions pouring through me, I know in my heart and soul that this is what is best for him and for me. Since we are in 100% agreement that the kids take priority, I think they'll come out of this okay too.
I hope so, I really do........
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  | Posted Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:08AM I am sooooooo happy that is all finally going to the end and turning the right way where there are no fights back stubbing and so on when divorce. I want to wish you all the best and am here for you no matter what. My problems seems so small compare to yours but now I can see you are getting more and more happy. I am really happy for you. Big Kiss from me. Never give up girl cause you are Spartan!!   |
 | Posted Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:14AM I'm glad to hear that you and your husband are on the same page and are putting the kids first together. Hearing him vocalize his thoughts had to relieve some of the load you have been carrying. I'm glad that it appears it will not be a bitter divorce. I hope you get some rest this weekend. Thinking of you always, Willo. |
 | Posted Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:19AM, last updated Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:28AM i am happy for you i am sad for you i am scared for you i am confident in you new path... new road... a 'holy ****' moment like hands out the sun roof with your eyes closed at 85 on an on ramp except more permanent holy **** |
 | Posted Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:20AM KIK...our problems always seem small when compared to someone else's. That does not in anyway diminish the significance of them. They are our own, and therefore....great (for lack of a better word) Willo...Thank you, and in yes, hearing him vocalize his thoughts was somewhat of a relief. |
| Posted Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:24AM, last updated Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:37AM BH...I'm not sure if it's appropriate or not, but you gave an a laugh out loud moment..... Hands out the sunroof @ 85 for sure... The problem is here, I don't have a holy **** bar to hang onto...I'm driving this damn thing... holy ****...and then some |
| Posted Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:33AM IT, I'd rather he not be devastated. I know I hurt him and he me, but it's better that he not be devastated... |
 Feeling excited | Posted Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:40AM, last updated Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:44AM Yes, devastated is a pain in the butt. I filed for divorce and the effect devastated my wife, but wtf the marriage had been in the sh!tter for years. So for months she was in denial, now she is just plain mad, eventually she will move on, but I don't think you want devastated. |
| Posted Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:47AM Loop, she's finally moving through the grieving process...your wife's devastated is different than what my husband's devastated would be.....regardless, your right, I don't want devastated....for him or me. |
 | Posted Sep 5th, 2008 at 10:00AM We have been talking divorce for about a month. I mean, I have mentioned it before but he never took me seriously. This time it is different. I think he finally is realizing he isn't happy either. It is a weird feeling, isn't it? I'm relieved in some ways because my guilt has been huge. I want happiness for him as well. It is going to be a long, hard road...but perhaps we will all realize in the end it was the best thing. |
| Posted Sep 5th, 2008 at 10:16AM A-Mom, you're road is going to be similar to mine...but the way I see it, Maisie has been hanging on, so can you, so can I...and yes, in the end, it will be the best thing. Weretree, I love that analogy...and yes, I've been planning...maybe not enough, but planning just the same. The thought of redefining myself makes me feel like I'm walking a tightrope without a net, but then.....when I look back at this past year, and the one before that, and so on down the line....isn't that what I've already been doing? A beginning, indeed. +2 nods |
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