Yesterday, I realized that it had been one year since I removed my wedding ring. Last night was another night spent with the marriage counselor. Last night, my husband finally gave in and said he was ready to go through with a divorce. He even verbalized something that I have never said to him but have always felt to be true. We met when we were both lonely and vulnerable, and married because we each filled a void...not because we were in love with each other.
In most ways, I'm relieved. I have been getting angrier and angrier with him, and my resentment had been building. We have a great relationship on so many levels, but just didn't seem to fit as husband and wife. I didn't want things to turn nasty, and right this minute, it doesn't look like it will.
We are working together with the counselor to find the best wording we can to explain what is going on to the kids. We want to separate husband/wife from mom/dad. We're planning on telling them on September 30. They'll be on a short break from school then, and there will be a long enough span between then and when I go on a 10 day trip (alone) . We need to make sure that they are as secure as possible and not think that I'm abandoning them by going on the trip. They need to understand that our love for them is separate from how we feel about each other. The kids and their security are priority. We are on the same page there.
It was funny, when we got home last night, I was literally shaking, I was scared, and I was crying my eyes out. I am the one who precipitated this. Yet, now that it's a reality, I'm sick. My husband who didn't want the marriage to end was happy as all can be. I haven't seen him this happy in years. I knew that he wasn't happy in our marriage, although, he did not. Hopefully, he will be able to find some peace and happiness of his own.
In spite of all the emotions pouring through me, I know in my heart and soul that this is what is best for him and for me. Since we are in 100% agreement that the kids take priority, I think they'll come out of this okay too.
I hope so, I really do........